hard to breathe

when thought about the past, it is really unbelievable indeed...

am sure everyone thinks why i still stay till today as they had spoken if someone's attutides can't change then they sure leave her/him for goods... looks at him, how fortunate he is because no matter what happens, i still stand by him...

how silly i am, i supposed to teach him a lesson! but i didn't... that's why he could bully me terribly that everyone doesn't know how he treated me. sometimes i damn pissed off the way he treated me all these times...

i am super patient... very patient... BUT i am a weak person, i need someone to support, care, love and will be there for me whenever i feel unhappy or etc... these things, he never did but insulted me sometimes or didn't care me at all as he thought this is a common thing to him, so he doesn't need to care me at times.

everyday we come home, all the times he could face the pc or smartphone to surf the internet, play games or watching the entertainments. i hardly to get online at pc as i am always busier... come home already start to get prepare the dinner, doing the laundry and etc... he doesn't help me at all, he just complains this and there... he never revises with the children which the daddy should does the duty to educate the kids. he sets a bad example to our children such like playing ipod, facebook, surfing the internet and playing games? all bad habits are from the daddy. which i never exposed too much. when i want to get rest in a short while, he would ask me to do this and that. i am tired already and he never understands me indeed. he always thought he is the one who got tired more than me BUT in fact, i am the one who is tired more than him...

from working at office to home working, never get enough rests. he is not a helpful at all indeed.

he just knows how to complain but never work harder...

as i thought all guys who are to get married, wouldn't let their wives to live harder, should let her to enjoy the life... BUT my spouse DOESN'T... he said man and wife are same!

i find this is really impossible because as a man, should provide a better life for a family not ask the wife to work or pay separately in everything... this is a funny issue! i almost crazy of this, yet he said i always spend money for nothing BUT... does he has any savings now? he even NEVER buying the insurances for the kids, ME and himself?

i am the one who bought the insurances for my children's good and myself!

there was once my son met the accident, in his mind, he will asked me where is the Insurance Card when he was not the one paying!!! how ridiculous he was!!!!!

that really pissed me off...


perhaps he too understood that i would not leave him for goods, that's why he could bully me all these times. which really challenges my limited patiences. i just give him a bit more times.

see until when he could bully me any longer...

i shall patient bit more... i think the time is drawing closer...

i don't want to restart a new life with him... my children and i don't want to live in fear.

everyday we always afraid he would torture us unreasonably.

he loses the tempers easily and damaging the things! this is a stupid doing of him...

we don't want to live in fear for sure if he is forever like this...

i really hard to breathe everytime thinking about it... i am really unhappy!

xxx