it's quite upset after the trial for 2 months plus since we took over the childcare business, yes me and my cousin brother.... sometimes i am not so happy about the way he handle the business...
like many things that i really am not satisfied but what to do. he is the big investor and i am only the small potato that he just could offered for all... anyway this doesn't benefit me though because whatever he talked all just empty promises and never kept promises at times.
he mentioned many times that he would eventually leaves this centre for me to control here but it seemed never happening. he still comes back here and the centre is still messy under his control. when i was here, the centre is still in control by setting the rules and etc so that the kids could be independently working on him / her own without guides. but when he is here, he will does everything. it seems he has to spoil them in silent mode.
and one thing i am quite disappointing is the parents all are referring him as the big boss as well as the principal here NOT ME. it's really a joke that he behaves like that. never had a formal introduction for me with the new teachers and the parents as well.
i don't know what was he thinking actually. all my plans that i have been planning for some times seems to be taken over by him and all is him... so sad huh?
no wonder when i paid a praying for my late mummy, i did ask my late mummy about it and the coins were not giving the response, kept giving the same patterns :(
i thought my late mummy was not blessing on this business between me and my cousin brother. i think it will be involved a lot of troubles later on as his personal attitudes really not so impressing!!!! even the centre also has problems that he might not settled although he can't expect it too much from the teachers.
one thing, i already advised him many times yet he ignores all the times, it depends the situation like when i told him that the adults should be set good roles for the children and he never did it... so does the China teacher...
i see the China teacher is slight stubborn and sometimes she doesn't respect me as the principal. oh well, we have the minute meetings almost every twice per month yet there's always having the problem. there are two languages in the meeting which is unfair for the major of teachers who are speaking English whilst the only one teacher speaks Mandarin all the time. my cousin brother even asked us to learn Chinese in order to communicate better with her. it's hilarious that we are running the time and we can't keep translating for her all the time.... this also he can't understand instead of making the situation worse.
i know he is the big investor but sometimes he never refers to me when i am his business partner indeed. why?
i find this is really ridiculous.
i am regretting that much because i told him about my plans. otherwise, this plan would be mine and i would be the BOSS whereas i am now today but it is reserved though! so sad huh???
i am never be a big boss for now.... perhaps but in the future i shall be a BOSS. perhaps i am a better leader than him.
i can say he can't be a good leader though as i knew how he handles the kids. i had told him what can do what can't do... yet he never listens to me.
okay, i got no comments about it. i am pretty disappointed about it....
duno what will happening for the next....
sighs...
Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rantings. Show all posts
Monday, October 21, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
what a tsunami day!!!
Now i realize how terrible he is now, treats me like a stranger when in the new house and when in office, he will be nicer with me because he needs my helps to amend his grammars. How bad eh...
And i am quite disappointed by ways he treats me. Its not like which he should cares me in as his wife but nobody!!!
When i asked him to help taking the stool for me. He didn't take for me but asked me to take it myself but he was next to the stool why not help??
so selfish!!!! Btw, yesterday was my last day of working at company and i have submitted the absence from work letter for one month after spoke with Madam. I thought i can take at least 60 days leave but Madam seemed disagree because we had spoken that i was given 30 days to work at centre. Either resuming back to office after one month or just resign when there's getting better in centre but i can not guarantee it though. I was slightly worried about it...
Anyway, its my new challenge in my life after been in the comfort zone... i need to move on what i supposed to change the life style. At least trying rather than nothing at all and i don't want to be like my hubby! He has no motivation at all, slightly coward though and always objects whatever i do but i just ignore what he talks sometimes not logical at all.
Our thinkings are different. I am kinda of ambitious and would like to try n error whilst my hubby is just fine with this situation now. How crashed eh???
Plus, his attitude and thinking are very childish and immature! All the times he can drives me bonker and mad but my patiences had taught me to control my patiences when dealing with a stupid and immature guy like him!!!
Oh well... selfish, stupid and immature old fella... until when you can realise?????
ighs!!!!!!!
xxx
And i am quite disappointed by ways he treats me. Its not like which he should cares me in as his wife but nobody!!!
When i asked him to help taking the stool for me. He didn't take for me but asked me to take it myself but he was next to the stool why not help??
so selfish!!!! Btw, yesterday was my last day of working at company and i have submitted the absence from work letter for one month after spoke with Madam. I thought i can take at least 60 days leave but Madam seemed disagree because we had spoken that i was given 30 days to work at centre. Either resuming back to office after one month or just resign when there's getting better in centre but i can not guarantee it though. I was slightly worried about it...
Anyway, its my new challenge in my life after been in the comfort zone... i need to move on what i supposed to change the life style. At least trying rather than nothing at all and i don't want to be like my hubby! He has no motivation at all, slightly coward though and always objects whatever i do but i just ignore what he talks sometimes not logical at all.
Our thinkings are different. I am kinda of ambitious and would like to try n error whilst my hubby is just fine with this situation now. How crashed eh???
Plus, his attitude and thinking are very childish and immature! All the times he can drives me bonker and mad but my patiences had taught me to control my patiences when dealing with a stupid and immature guy like him!!!
Oh well... selfish, stupid and immature old fella... until when you can realise?????
ighs!!!!!!!
xxx
Friday, July 26, 2013
finally...
i am really blessed to have Madam as my boss... never expected that she is really an understanding boss. all the while i thought she is fierce and very sided one... but oh boy, was i wrong. she is really kind-hearted...
indeed, i supposed to pass the resign letter for her but it was reversed. after had a long chat, she asked me to keep back the letter and submit the leave letter instead. how happy i was when she mentioned it. i am touched and obviously blessed that i really have a such good boss.
it will be officially i start on leave for one month by next month to study centre's management which she allowed me to do so. at very least my existing job is here in case if anything happens, i still can go back to my current company to resume working as usual.
anyhow, i just hope the business is growing well once i take over. may everything is fine...
xxx
indeed, i supposed to pass the resign letter for her but it was reversed. after had a long chat, she asked me to keep back the letter and submit the leave letter instead. how happy i was when she mentioned it. i am touched and obviously blessed that i really have a such good boss.
it will be officially i start on leave for one month by next month to study centre's management which she allowed me to do so. at very least my existing job is here in case if anything happens, i still can go back to my current company to resume working as usual.
anyhow, i just hope the business is growing well once i take over. may everything is fine...
xxx
delay no more...
it seems delaying no more and my good colleague, WC asked me...
"have you told your hubby"
i replied, "NO, if i tell him now, there would be more objections, hence i just go ahead without his permissions..."
the time is tougher now and i knew the day would be coming...
today is public holiday yet we have to work. oh no, i can't delay anymore, i need to make up my mind by hand over the letter. the centre is awaiting me to join as soon as possible.
everything for the centre has done, just left me!!! a matter of timing!!!
looking at my close friends, they are really supporting my decision to join the centre, it is obviously no doubt for me to tender the resignation letter and starts a new life as a person in charge of the centre. yes i am... despite of my unhappy hubby who never agrees on whatever i have done, he can't stop me although he voiced out that i am selfish, never think about him, never discuss with him and etc but i can't take it anymore, if i want i must do for our better life.
otherwise, if i listen to my hubby today and don't go for it, i might be super regret 100% later on. okay, no matter what will happen later, i still determined to go for it...
i just pray HE blesses me in everything, have a surprise and miracle which would happen to me any sooner if the time permits.
i hope my family changes the mind on me... i am no longer who am i... i am the one who going to fight the own happiness and better life rather than remaining the same living where we are now...
i wanna the improvement of livings for my family as well as for my children.
because of i am able not providing whatever they want, now i wan provide them as much as i can once i have own one and i wanna give the best for my family and my siblings who always help me a lot in past, i will never forget their helps and supports. i will be there for them whenever they need.
okay what i need to do is i wanna to change the life into better one...
please...?!!
please give me the strength to change the life.... :)
and....
Madam came already but she went to R&D... :(
she seems busier than me though and i am wondering how would it be when i go to meet Madam out of sudden? perhaps she knew i wanna leaving already?
xxx
Thursday, July 25, 2013
oh dear... i am still hesitating - - -
for this very last minute, i still hesitated to hand over the letter although i have prepared the letter since on Monday until now... the letter is here but i am seem to be lost ways to think...
i started to recall the past when i was firm to fight my own and wanna leaving this company. i started to browse the business and etc... and i found the centre in Sri Petaling as i have mentioned in previous entry. oh well, i have the investor this time so i don't need to dig out my money to invest instead to wait the end of year's dividend...
but funnily is when everything is done as my cousin brother had got them done especially setting up SDN BHD, creating the company account and etc. i started to become PANIC...
the most funny when my brother was preparing a document, register as a SDN BHD company, has opened an account for the company. i suddenly felt uneasy and started to feel regret that i was mentally and physically not ready for this.
regret no use. this was already initiated. indeed it is...
the business is there...
just that i need to tender the resignation letter. but i still doubted till now...
weird.
i am so scared.
yet there are many friends support my decision to leave this company and heading the new phrase, starting a OWN business... i knew there's a lot of risks to wait but it's all depending on my hard works.
don't know if my decision to start own business is just right one for myself??!! because since day 1, when my cousin brother spoke with my hubby, he started feeling unhappy and upset, not fully supporting me 100% on my ideas on this. he kept talking that doing business is really a lot of risks and need a lot of responsible to handle this centre. not like me, he thought i am just a playful one... :(
i knew i am kinda playful one but when coming the serious matters, i thought longer and considered for our good futures. i knew there are SURE 100% ups and downs for this but for the very beginning, there are tougher times at time but everything would be fine eventually...
my closer members support me on this but i knew they only can support me and they are not doing this business though so they wouldn't understand how i feel... i am really scared, confused, uneasy and many many troubles in my mind now.... and i don't know how to overcome it...
unless there's at least a person to fully support me, but there's none.
my hubby is kinda "kiasu"... he can't accept the fact that i would start my own business. he totally disagreed. for sure.
my family?
i haven't informed them yet and i don't think they would support my decision... despite of they knew i am currently working still fine but they don't know the real situation that i have encountered now... who else can understand me?
even my hubby spoke, every business can't promise can success or not... every business has risks... but for me, if never try how i would know if it goes well?
like when i first time baked the cupcake, at beginning it was not so good but i polished my skills everyday by baking it, my skills seem to be polished well now... it's just the same basic where we need to apply our skills by practicing...
try and error, yes it is...
but now it's different...
i am about leaving the security job which promises to provide the monthly salary and living in the comfort zone. and IF i really leave this job and heading this business, it might be another story. my income might be lower than my current income and may be handling everything by myself. my current job, just design and design only. everything is already settled by them.
much differences...
so i have to think carefully but if i don't leave this job and remaining the same life style, there's no changes but getting worse years by...
why so?
our salaries really can't saved already, everything needs to be spent... so nothing left for us to save retirement accounts and i realized that our ages reach at 30an yet we have nothing to save for the future funds yet our children need use a lot of expenses to pay for their next educations eg. secondary, college or University?
that's the point i thought now...
i knew my hubby thought these too but he doesn't seem to try to make more money for now... i asked him once whether is he comfortable with his current job now? he said what to do, everywhere is same... the most important is getting the monthly salary. so do i too but i thought it is no longer working on this method because everyone like me thought to work for people can't be last forever unless the company really provides the good salary and benefits like my friend one now working in Indonesia. obviously he is traveling to every countries to work in construction field which sent by his HQ. his salary almost 50k per month... it's unbelievable and it's no doubt he is enjoying these benefits provided by his current company... the salary can cover his retirement days later. and he is not working in Malaysia though.
how wonderful he is now with this current job. and our salaries now really insufficient and i can't think where we could top up the financial for the end of month everytime we pay bills and etc...
i am going to crazy if this still keeping the same way...
no improvement at all. and my hubby likes to go luxury times such as catching up a movie, going to fast food and etc which i really wanna to cut down but can't...
*SIGHS*
so how?
i am dilemma now...
very very much....
*SAD*
life goes on anyway despite of there's no support from my close family for me.... especially my hubby, he is the most "kiasu" and coward...
:(
xxx
i started to recall the past when i was firm to fight my own and wanna leaving this company. i started to browse the business and etc... and i found the centre in Sri Petaling as i have mentioned in previous entry. oh well, i have the investor this time so i don't need to dig out my money to invest instead to wait the end of year's dividend...
but funnily is when everything is done as my cousin brother had got them done especially setting up SDN BHD, creating the company account and etc. i started to become PANIC...
the most funny when my brother was preparing a document, register as a SDN BHD company, has opened an account for the company. i suddenly felt uneasy and started to feel regret that i was mentally and physically not ready for this.
regret no use. this was already initiated. indeed it is...
the business is there...
just that i need to tender the resignation letter. but i still doubted till now...
weird.
i am so scared.
yet there are many friends support my decision to leave this company and heading the new phrase, starting a OWN business... i knew there's a lot of risks to wait but it's all depending on my hard works.
don't know if my decision to start own business is just right one for myself??!! because since day 1, when my cousin brother spoke with my hubby, he started feeling unhappy and upset, not fully supporting me 100% on my ideas on this. he kept talking that doing business is really a lot of risks and need a lot of responsible to handle this centre. not like me, he thought i am just a playful one... :(
i knew i am kinda playful one but when coming the serious matters, i thought longer and considered for our good futures. i knew there are SURE 100% ups and downs for this but for the very beginning, there are tougher times at time but everything would be fine eventually...
my closer members support me on this but i knew they only can support me and they are not doing this business though so they wouldn't understand how i feel... i am really scared, confused, uneasy and many many troubles in my mind now.... and i don't know how to overcome it...
unless there's at least a person to fully support me, but there's none.
my hubby is kinda "kiasu"... he can't accept the fact that i would start my own business. he totally disagreed. for sure.
my family?
i haven't informed them yet and i don't think they would support my decision... despite of they knew i am currently working still fine but they don't know the real situation that i have encountered now... who else can understand me?
even my hubby spoke, every business can't promise can success or not... every business has risks... but for me, if never try how i would know if it goes well?
like when i first time baked the cupcake, at beginning it was not so good but i polished my skills everyday by baking it, my skills seem to be polished well now... it's just the same basic where we need to apply our skills by practicing...
try and error, yes it is...
but now it's different...
i am about leaving the security job which promises to provide the monthly salary and living in the comfort zone. and IF i really leave this job and heading this business, it might be another story. my income might be lower than my current income and may be handling everything by myself. my current job, just design and design only. everything is already settled by them.
much differences...
so i have to think carefully but if i don't leave this job and remaining the same life style, there's no changes but getting worse years by...
why so?
our salaries really can't saved already, everything needs to be spent... so nothing left for us to save retirement accounts and i realized that our ages reach at 30an yet we have nothing to save for the future funds yet our children need use a lot of expenses to pay for their next educations eg. secondary, college or University?
that's the point i thought now...
i knew my hubby thought these too but he doesn't seem to try to make more money for now... i asked him once whether is he comfortable with his current job now? he said what to do, everywhere is same... the most important is getting the monthly salary. so do i too but i thought it is no longer working on this method because everyone like me thought to work for people can't be last forever unless the company really provides the good salary and benefits like my friend one now working in Indonesia. obviously he is traveling to every countries to work in construction field which sent by his HQ. his salary almost 50k per month... it's unbelievable and it's no doubt he is enjoying these benefits provided by his current company... the salary can cover his retirement days later. and he is not working in Malaysia though.
how wonderful he is now with this current job. and our salaries now really insufficient and i can't think where we could top up the financial for the end of month everytime we pay bills and etc...
i am going to crazy if this still keeping the same way...
no improvement at all. and my hubby likes to go luxury times such as catching up a movie, going to fast food and etc which i really wanna to cut down but can't...
*SIGHS*
so how?
i am dilemma now...
very very much....
*SAD*
life goes on anyway despite of there's no support from my close family for me.... especially my hubby, he is the most "kiasu" and coward...
:(
xxx
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
3 days to go...
my hubby was in Taiwan a few days ago which i had sent him to airport last Saturday... he is scheduled to come back this Thursday morning at 4am in wee hour, anyhow i shall fetch him back after 7am because it's not convenient to fetch him in wee hour plus the highway to airport is quite dark and quiet. it's not safe though for me to drive all alone with two growing-up children in the car...
oh well, just skip this topic, my hubby shall thinks how to get back to here without get me to drive there. kinda concerns the safety the most now as we all knew Malaysia safety is not proper to be handled as there are many cases to happen everyday.
oh well, as i have planned to have my own biz but it seems i even more doubt than being firm to make a decision and i knew i am totally a loser in this matter :(
i need someone to encourage and support me whenever i need the most for now...
please?!
worried, doubted, double thought and etc all happened to me...
but these are meaningless because i haven't started yet and haven't known the real result afterward...?
mmm...
how silly i am...
sighs...
xxx
oh well, just skip this topic, my hubby shall thinks how to get back to here without get me to drive there. kinda concerns the safety the most now as we all knew Malaysia safety is not proper to be handled as there are many cases to happen everyday.
oh well, as i have planned to have my own biz but it seems i even more doubt than being firm to make a decision and i knew i am totally a loser in this matter :(
i need someone to encourage and support me whenever i need the most for now...
please?!
worried, doubted, double thought and etc all happened to me...
but these are meaningless because i haven't started yet and haven't known the real result afterward...?
mmm...
how silly i am...
sighs...
xxx
Friday, July 12, 2013
2 weeks is the hectic period...
oh well, it seems i have neglected my dear BLOG for past 2 weeks due to busy with many things such as convention, company trip, painting the new house, etc... it was real busier in past weeks and i had not having a good rest of myself though... :(
ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...
yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...
sounds sad huh??? :(
so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*
up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company... oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...
my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs*
this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*
what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(
no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?
by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....
no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....
*long winded*
sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind. just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...
even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...
see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....
no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...
my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(
useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!
never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!
once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...
SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!
please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...
it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....
VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!
beh tahan!
"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "
i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around.... why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.
*sighs, very upset indeed!*
xxx
ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...
yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...
sounds sad huh??? :(
so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*
up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company... oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...
my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs*
this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*
what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(
no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?
by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....
no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....
*long winded*
sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind. just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...
even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...
see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....
no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...
my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(
useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!
never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!
once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...
SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!
please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...
it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....
VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!
beh tahan!
"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "
i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around.... why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.
*sighs, very upset indeed!*
xxx
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Saturday Blues...
oh no.. i was late to fetch my daughter to school today but looking at her, she is mildly sick, i thought of skipping her activity today as i woke up late... BUT i dare not to tell my daddy about it, i just told him that she is still not feeling well though, supposed to let her to have a good rest. i knew if i told my daddy, he would shoot me non-stop!!!!
*sighs* my daddy is always shooting me, never trying to understand my situation... thought his situation was better than me? *face-palm* anyway, i fed up the ways he talks to my siblings and me, every talks are different ways... and he never thought i am as the eldest should be respected as well not to be complained how i do, what i do and etc...
my sister and i are totally different, my sister has the nanny and the maid to take care everything. and i take care MANY THINGS apart from my family... yet my father seems doesn't understand... sad huh?
never mind... no comments about this.
people have money, people have no money - - - looks how people treats? much different eh?
oh well... because of this, i hardly to talk about my life / plans to my family as i knew this would be getting strong objections from them and they would not supporting me for sure as they look at our situations, never getting improved... so want to blame who?
*long-winded*
and now...
i am working half day today and it seems too dull for me as we all are busy with the convention. it will be held in 2 weeks time... yet i am still troubled with the "future centre"...
very troubled until i am damn not happy although my cousin brother doesn't understand my feels. he insisted to invest 100% on this centre and we would be working together. though this is may be cons and pros but i try to adapt as it is happening already. i can't just tell him directly that i don't want him to be my partner on this business...
:(
don't know how to get firm on myself... sometimes i am so "blur blur"...
haihh...
it has been a few weeks since we were discussing regarding the centre and my cousin brother didn't really bring up the issue to me, even hard to get him as he seldom check the phone... sighs...
so far, as i knew once he invests 100% on this centre, he might be the big shareholder, and i am just a small shareholder. after all, it seems he is my big boss on this centre though he spoke that he is indeed working for me???!! weird...
never mind, i let it go... as he has spoken that when the centre is getting stable and the profit is growing then we shall plan for another branch, by that time he shall give me back the shareholdings... perhaps his shareholding is reduced as i will take back he shareholdings in order to become a big shareholder on this centre. sooner or later when both centres are getting well-planned and growing, then only he shall returns 100% shareholdings back to me as this centre indeed belongs to me!
but i don't know whether shall i trust him based these matters???
who knows if one day when he changes the mind? i am doomed already by that time...
oh well... because of these, i am quite unhappy... have been bottling my feelings in my heart though i never share with people... i just shared with few closer friends so far now.
what a Saturday!!!
xxx
*sighs* my daddy is always shooting me, never trying to understand my situation... thought his situation was better than me? *face-palm* anyway, i fed up the ways he talks to my siblings and me, every talks are different ways... and he never thought i am as the eldest should be respected as well not to be complained how i do, what i do and etc...
my sister and i are totally different, my sister has the nanny and the maid to take care everything. and i take care MANY THINGS apart from my family... yet my father seems doesn't understand... sad huh?
never mind... no comments about this.
people have money, people have no money - - - looks how people treats? much different eh?
oh well... because of this, i hardly to talk about my life / plans to my family as i knew this would be getting strong objections from them and they would not supporting me for sure as they look at our situations, never getting improved... so want to blame who?
*long-winded*
and now...
i am working half day today and it seems too dull for me as we all are busy with the convention. it will be held in 2 weeks time... yet i am still troubled with the "future centre"...
very troubled until i am damn not happy although my cousin brother doesn't understand my feels. he insisted to invest 100% on this centre and we would be working together. though this is may be cons and pros but i try to adapt as it is happening already. i can't just tell him directly that i don't want him to be my partner on this business...
:(
don't know how to get firm on myself... sometimes i am so "blur blur"...
haihh...
it has been a few weeks since we were discussing regarding the centre and my cousin brother didn't really bring up the issue to me, even hard to get him as he seldom check the phone... sighs...
so far, as i knew once he invests 100% on this centre, he might be the big shareholder, and i am just a small shareholder. after all, it seems he is my big boss on this centre though he spoke that he is indeed working for me???!! weird...
never mind, i let it go... as he has spoken that when the centre is getting stable and the profit is growing then we shall plan for another branch, by that time he shall give me back the shareholdings... perhaps his shareholding is reduced as i will take back he shareholdings in order to become a big shareholder on this centre. sooner or later when both centres are getting well-planned and growing, then only he shall returns 100% shareholdings back to me as this centre indeed belongs to me!
but i don't know whether shall i trust him based these matters???
who knows if one day when he changes the mind? i am doomed already by that time...
oh well... because of these, i am quite unhappy... have been bottling my feelings in my heart though i never share with people... i just shared with few closer friends so far now.
what a Saturday!!!
xxx
Friday, June 7, 2013
it's TGIF - - -
i am so stressed yet it's TGIF now...
can't imagine the time flies so fast and here is Friday again... everything seems to be difficult even more than i expected! anyway, regarding to business plan, i would have my cousin brother to be my partner for this business since he is investing 100% into this business. and i wonder whether am i regretting to share the matters with him?
i supposed to look for him to prepare the proposal for me since i have helped him a few times in the past, never expected he is interested on my ideas! don't know is a good signal or other round since i am relying on the proposal to lend the loan from SME Bank... and now it seems i don't need to lend the loan since there's an investor for this. i just feel uncomfortable as everything needs to be shared with him fairly... *sad* and i have no power at all...
how? this is my dream and it seems to be gone to him... i don't know lar because the money is the evil! whoever has the money, he will be powerful! right?
i don't invest anything and i will have the shareholding as well with him, just that i don't know how much percent i will be the shareholder either small or big? hmm...
looking at this matter, my cousin brother is not really experienced about the childcare and this is supposed to mine since i chosen this child care as my business. hence, now he is going to be my partner on this business, he is gonna to learn about the child care, education and etc for sake of this business.
i don't need anything, i just hope to have this business solely belongs to mine! does it sound like i am selfish eh? *long sighs....*
just forget it, i shall wait and see how everything goes...
praying everything goes well...
xxx
can't imagine the time flies so fast and here is Friday again... everything seems to be difficult even more than i expected! anyway, regarding to business plan, i would have my cousin brother to be my partner for this business since he is investing 100% into this business. and i wonder whether am i regretting to share the matters with him?
i supposed to look for him to prepare the proposal for me since i have helped him a few times in the past, never expected he is interested on my ideas! don't know is a good signal or other round since i am relying on the proposal to lend the loan from SME Bank... and now it seems i don't need to lend the loan since there's an investor for this. i just feel uncomfortable as everything needs to be shared with him fairly... *sad* and i have no power at all...
how? this is my dream and it seems to be gone to him... i don't know lar because the money is the evil! whoever has the money, he will be powerful! right?
i don't invest anything and i will have the shareholding as well with him, just that i don't know how much percent i will be the shareholder either small or big? hmm...
looking at this matter, my cousin brother is not really experienced about the childcare and this is supposed to mine since i chosen this child care as my business. hence, now he is going to be my partner on this business, he is gonna to learn about the child care, education and etc for sake of this business.
i don't need anything, i just hope to have this business solely belongs to mine! does it sound like i am selfish eh? *long sighs....*
just forget it, i shall wait and see how everything goes...
praying everything goes well...
xxx
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
i dreamed him??!!
we just came home on Monday in wee hours around 2am as we were stucked in the terrible jam at Highway... tired and felt like lazy to bath but forced to bath as i wanted to refresh myself... ignored the kids as they were terribly tiring, knocked off very sooner after reached the bed...
oh well, after bathed and got myself ready to lie on the bed....
very sleepy and i can't take any longer to look at my phone, i gonna slept just like that....
*ding-dang*
i dreamed of him... Mr Dimple Guy!
weird?!!
"he smiled and holding my hand... then another scenes, he was kissing me... daannggg... he almost dragged me to bed... O_O "
afterward, i woke up because something bothered me...
then i recalled that dream...
i asked myself why he appeared in my mind when i didn't need him anymore.... grrrr.... i didn't sure if he had the same dream as mine? *wondering*
i don't know who miss who????!!!
*long sighs*
xxx
oh well, after bathed and got myself ready to lie on the bed....
very sleepy and i can't take any longer to look at my phone, i gonna slept just like that....
*ding-dang*
i dreamed of him... Mr Dimple Guy!
weird?!!
"he smiled and holding my hand... then another scenes, he was kissing me... daannggg... he almost dragged me to bed... O_O "
afterward, i woke up because something bothered me...
then i recalled that dream...
i asked myself why he appeared in my mind when i didn't need him anymore.... grrrr.... i didn't sure if he had the same dream as mine? *wondering*
i don't know who miss who????!!!
*long sighs*
xxx
Thursday, May 23, 2013
knock the door...
knock... knock... it's here already... my 11st years of wedding anniversary yet it seems fading away and nothing's happening today and no even words from his mouth to wish me...
*longggggg sighssss....*
as i spoke in previous entry, he is kinda not a romance man and he doesn't know how to cheer my day and appreciating my all-doings... oh well, just ignore this... this time, i shall not wish any greetings with him not like those past years where i used to remind and wished him for those anniversaries in years... and now i feel tired... and fed up already with ways it go...
and i won't wish or what... just let it go on itself course...
don't know as if today is not important to him? perhaps it is... because 11st years is not a short period and we have been gone thru ups and downs eg. arguments, fights, bitch-ing, and etc but it doesn't mean we became matured but we need to learn all these processes thru experiences that we have been encountering and i knew what's he looking alike... that's why it couldn't bring up a good discussion or communication between me and him...
that's a fact...
i admit i have a difficult communication with him... not easy to pass this hardest level as his ways to talk are very terrible...
like what i meant, when i ask this and that... he would answers - - - hantu, ghost, heaven, u think le, u duno? and more to go which really pissed me off all the times and the way to communicate should be talk properly not those ways he talks! i really super patient when he answers like that... don't know how he communicates with another people apart from me OR maybe only me?
it seems the ways he really bullies me! that's obviously doings of him...
until now, he still never gets improved... oh well, this also needs time to heal everything...
i just hope everything goes fine with him although he doesn't understand...
xxx
*longggggg sighssss....*
as i spoke in previous entry, he is kinda not a romance man and he doesn't know how to cheer my day and appreciating my all-doings... oh well, just ignore this... this time, i shall not wish any greetings with him not like those past years where i used to remind and wished him for those anniversaries in years... and now i feel tired... and fed up already with ways it go...
and i won't wish or what... just let it go on itself course...
don't know as if today is not important to him? perhaps it is... because 11st years is not a short period and we have been gone thru ups and downs eg. arguments, fights, bitch-ing, and etc but it doesn't mean we became matured but we need to learn all these processes thru experiences that we have been encountering and i knew what's he looking alike... that's why it couldn't bring up a good discussion or communication between me and him...
that's a fact...
i admit i have a difficult communication with him... not easy to pass this hardest level as his ways to talk are very terrible...
like what i meant, when i ask this and that... he would answers - - - hantu, ghost, heaven, u think le, u duno? and more to go which really pissed me off all the times and the way to communicate should be talk properly not those ways he talks! i really super patient when he answers like that... don't know how he communicates with another people apart from me OR maybe only me?
it seems the ways he really bullies me! that's obviously doings of him...
until now, he still never gets improved... oh well, this also needs time to heal everything...
i just hope everything goes fine with him although he doesn't understand...
xxx
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
a hectic week...
wow... it has been a week plus since i last blogged last week... oh well i was really busier that week! guess what? i have joined the entrepreneur course last week which was scheduled on 11st-14th May at HQ, Kuala Lumpur... i went there by taking LRT rather than driving all the ways to KL... as everyone knew KL traffic was pretty bad eh... i rather save my cost, petrol and energy! hehe...
oh well i was back to school life as a student for 4 days course... i really missed those school / college days!!! i left school more than 10 years... anyway, bits more to feel like a student temporarily... hehe... i got to know many friends thru course and they also wanted to be entrepreneurs too...
good eh?
by the way, i have 2-3 course mates contact in touch although there was created a whatsapp group with 50 contacts of course mates... so far i contact 3 of them most for now...
i was blessed to know them because they were able to share the variety of problems... so that i could learn from them...
i joined this course with my own expenses... without any sponsors! i also don't have any supports from my family and my hubs too...
all the 4 days courses, i was busy with myself whilst my hubs brought the kids out to FRIM and shopping malls... and he never text-ed me no matter where they went or so... NEVER! and even worse when they came back from FRIM another day, my hubs never asked or text-ed me to ask me if i would like to eat anything instead of buying themselves and took away to home... too bad eh?
hmm... never mind, i had a light dinner earlier at my dad place but at least try to send a message to ask what, where, who, which and how about me but he never, never did so... i did not know what was on his mind, seemed never cared me at all when i went for a course in 4 days... he never asked me what time to finish and etc... especially on Saturday, when i went for a course... he went out with the children, never sent messages to me and asking what time to finish the course and what time to leave and etc, instead of going to FRIM! that time i was on LRT and whatsapp-ing him, asking him where was he now... he replied that he was in the car on the way to FRIM... *speechless* and asking me going there by myself, i didn't feel wanna go there though and back to my dad place since my sis was there.... i was heartbroken because he never informed me.... *long sighs* so bad eh? :(
even on Mother day, he also never wished me cos he spoke that he was not the one should wishing and this celebration was specially for the children to wish and thankful for me... i found this was ridiculous because i am a wife and a mother too, ain't he should feel thankful for me doing duties as a wife and a mother at same time, gave him two lovely kids? didn't he feel appreciate this way eh? so selfish fella!!! even wanna celebrated the Mother day after my course, he showed the long face... seemed like being forced to celebrate... :(
not a first time, it was happening once my birthday this early year... he also never felt happy to celebrate, complained that he just came back from outstation still wanna going out to celebrate, said i didn't know how much tiring he was and bla blaa.... i noticed he really had no heart or intention to celebrate my birthday so did this Mother day celebration... even wanna gave present which i wished also he showed the long face...
not sincere at all.... :(
too bad eh?
and we were having the Mother day lunch with my family on Sunday, my daughter asked me what time i finish the course, i replied was about 4.50pm or 5pm like that and she told me that she has asked daddy about it, guess what? my hubs said i finished course at 8pm...
hello, i never told him that i finish the course at 8pm lar... he was purposely telling like that to my daughter... so bad eh...
and my hubs never reminded me to be careful on the road during taking the LRT etc... he just never cared whatever i did since i have chosen this path to attend the course that i have paid which he spoke it was not a good idea since he himself also went to many courses for free that provided by his company and i spoke that was not same... sighs....
i asked him what did he learn during the training? he didn't say anything though... never mind... this is my choice to learn more about the course, it's okay to pay... i think it's still worth for my future investment though...
i realized that my hubs is not real fully supporting whatever i do...
until a very last day of the course, the thing went on and nothing changed. he never congratulated me for finishing the course and etc... he just took this as nothing happened....
*speechless*
how much heartbroken did i have now? do anyone know how much disappointments and upset i have been gone thru now????
why did i have a husband like him? never appreciate and never thankful one!!!
:(
xxx
oh well i was back to school life as a student for 4 days course... i really missed those school / college days!!! i left school more than 10 years... anyway, bits more to feel like a student temporarily... hehe... i got to know many friends thru course and they also wanted to be entrepreneurs too...
good eh?
by the way, i have 2-3 course mates contact in touch although there was created a whatsapp group with 50 contacts of course mates... so far i contact 3 of them most for now...
i was blessed to know them because they were able to share the variety of problems... so that i could learn from them...
i joined this course with my own expenses... without any sponsors! i also don't have any supports from my family and my hubs too...
all the 4 days courses, i was busy with myself whilst my hubs brought the kids out to FRIM and shopping malls... and he never text-ed me no matter where they went or so... NEVER! and even worse when they came back from FRIM another day, my hubs never asked or text-ed me to ask me if i would like to eat anything instead of buying themselves and took away to home... too bad eh?
hmm... never mind, i had a light dinner earlier at my dad place but at least try to send a message to ask what, where, who, which and how about me but he never, never did so... i did not know what was on his mind, seemed never cared me at all when i went for a course in 4 days... he never asked me what time to finish and etc... especially on Saturday, when i went for a course... he went out with the children, never sent messages to me and asking what time to finish the course and what time to leave and etc, instead of going to FRIM! that time i was on LRT and whatsapp-ing him, asking him where was he now... he replied that he was in the car on the way to FRIM... *speechless* and asking me going there by myself, i didn't feel wanna go there though and back to my dad place since my sis was there.... i was heartbroken because he never informed me.... *long sighs* so bad eh? :(
even on Mother day, he also never wished me cos he spoke that he was not the one should wishing and this celebration was specially for the children to wish and thankful for me... i found this was ridiculous because i am a wife and a mother too, ain't he should feel thankful for me doing duties as a wife and a mother at same time, gave him two lovely kids? didn't he feel appreciate this way eh? so selfish fella!!! even wanna celebrated the Mother day after my course, he showed the long face... seemed like being forced to celebrate... :(
not a first time, it was happening once my birthday this early year... he also never felt happy to celebrate, complained that he just came back from outstation still wanna going out to celebrate, said i didn't know how much tiring he was and bla blaa.... i noticed he really had no heart or intention to celebrate my birthday so did this Mother day celebration... even wanna gave present which i wished also he showed the long face...
not sincere at all.... :(
too bad eh?
and we were having the Mother day lunch with my family on Sunday, my daughter asked me what time i finish the course, i replied was about 4.50pm or 5pm like that and she told me that she has asked daddy about it, guess what? my hubs said i finished course at 8pm...
hello, i never told him that i finish the course at 8pm lar... he was purposely telling like that to my daughter... so bad eh...
and my hubs never reminded me to be careful on the road during taking the LRT etc... he just never cared whatever i did since i have chosen this path to attend the course that i have paid which he spoke it was not a good idea since he himself also went to many courses for free that provided by his company and i spoke that was not same... sighs....
i asked him what did he learn during the training? he didn't say anything though... never mind... this is my choice to learn more about the course, it's okay to pay... i think it's still worth for my future investment though...
i realized that my hubs is not real fully supporting whatever i do...
until a very last day of the course, the thing went on and nothing changed. he never congratulated me for finishing the course and etc... he just took this as nothing happened....
*speechless*
how much heartbroken did i have now? do anyone know how much disappointments and upset i have been gone thru now????
why did i have a husband like him? never appreciate and never thankful one!!!
:(
xxx
Sunday, May 19, 2013
a few days away for my 11st years of Wedding anniversary - - -
a few days away for my 11st years of Wedding anniversary, yet i think it couldn't happen in reality... after 10 years of being with him, it remains the same. nothing changes and i believe he never feels the real of losing someone he loves the most... that's for sure but to think whether am i the one who he really loves the most now?
NO...
why so?
i don't see the way he really treats me as a wife instead of bullying me everytime. my family can see the ways he treats me but they could not doing anything because he is my husband, he may has the right to scold me... perhaps? or i am the one who have chosen him as my long term partner despite to know how terrible he is...
supposed to end the relationship in the past 10 years but it never happened.
i was supposing to leave him during the courtships but eventually it happened an accident. thought it would changes after having the child. boy, was i wrong, it got worse that we argued and fought almost everyday since having the first child... hard to breathe when recalled those times... very sad!
perhaps that time we were naive and young, i was not totally stable yet and i needed him so much and it remained again until now...
i also didn't understand that so much why it happened to me?
i am suffering and nobody knows how i felt... whilst my hubs is pretty stable since everyone knew that he is married to me who has disability so they thought it might be problems of mine not him?
hmm... not easy right?
and his stubborness really challenges my patiences everytimes but i still patient over what happens.
i think i am tired already now...
shall i end of this problem?
ask myself whether could i be even stronger to live on without him around? i think should be because i have my children to support me... perhaps! May God blesses us always...
a few days away yet i am thinking about it... why? seems i care about wedding anniversaries so much? but does he think about it? i don't know and i found this is not important to him indeed... perhaps... because he spoke once that i always make him angry and etc... so what point if he wanna remembers this anniversary?
sighs... what a silly thinking...
i am so tired now...
xxx
NO...
why so?
i don't see the way he really treats me as a wife instead of bullying me everytime. my family can see the ways he treats me but they could not doing anything because he is my husband, he may has the right to scold me... perhaps? or i am the one who have chosen him as my long term partner despite to know how terrible he is...
supposed to end the relationship in the past 10 years but it never happened.
i was supposing to leave him during the courtships but eventually it happened an accident. thought it would changes after having the child. boy, was i wrong, it got worse that we argued and fought almost everyday since having the first child... hard to breathe when recalled those times... very sad!
perhaps that time we were naive and young, i was not totally stable yet and i needed him so much and it remained again until now...
i also didn't understand that so much why it happened to me?
i am suffering and nobody knows how i felt... whilst my hubs is pretty stable since everyone knew that he is married to me who has disability so they thought it might be problems of mine not him?
hmm... not easy right?
and his stubborness really challenges my patiences everytimes but i still patient over what happens.
i think i am tired already now...
shall i end of this problem?
ask myself whether could i be even stronger to live on without him around? i think should be because i have my children to support me... perhaps! May God blesses us always...
a few days away yet i am thinking about it... why? seems i care about wedding anniversaries so much? but does he think about it? i don't know and i found this is not important to him indeed... perhaps... because he spoke once that i always make him angry and etc... so what point if he wanna remembers this anniversary?
sighs... what a silly thinking...
i am so tired now...
xxx
it seems turning out even worse now - - -
oh well, it's Sunday evening and my kids are sleeping soundly... they are blessed indeed under my cares... when i look at my kids, i feel guilty sometimes because they have a lousy and brainless daddy!
guess what?
let me tell what had happened yesterday??!!!
my daughter was attending to activities at school, going to Broga, Semenyih from 7am until 6.30pm. so left me, my son and my hubs. but i came back to my daddy house after working of course to have the lunch which was preparing by my parent whilst my hubs was speaking earlier that he wanted to go Sunway to have lunch whilst to look for the car part... i just ignored since i was not interested.
hence, i went back to my daddy house as usual. my sis was there but my nephew was not there, my sis spoke that she wanted to let her son to rest since he was a Birthday Boy that night...
oh well.. i spent a few hours there, then going home about 3pm.. before that, i did text him and asking where was he?
"your mind"
"what mind? where are you?"
"of course at home lar"
"ok, have u ate? wan me dabao something?"
"i ate already"
then i just went home and having a bath since the weather was humid...
and my hubs was watching movie, then went to sleeping.
my son was playing alone at living room and i was gently reminding him that don't play funny things when mummy slept.
he nodded...
then i slept... that time was about 4pm like that...
but my hubs woke up earlier than me... yet he blamed me for late?
he woke up earlier but never preparing anything such like prepare the camera for my sis's party later etc... instead of shot me for late to fetch our daughter at school? but that time was slightly early? he just purposely said that? he was disturbing me at first place yet he blamed me? that was hilarious!!! anyway i was upset!
again, i was upset when he left me and my son!
text-ed him many times also never replied...
i was fuming MAD...
i looked for him from above road until at school foyer, i found he talked to my cousin brother.
suddenly i realised my shirt has tore, hence i told him to take care the kids and i went home changing the shirt.
and they reached home about 7.15pm.. slightly late.
i was nervous because it was late already yet he still drove soooo slow...
i requested to change the driver place and he just let me to drive. he seemed has no mood at all about going to my sister's party...
when i drove, quite a bit speed... suddenly knocked the road's hill and my hubs was MAD. he almost stopped me by took the brake.. i told him everything was fine, i was not purposely to do so, asked him to calm BUT he seemed wandering nowhere in his mind...
still angry...
stopped at traffic light. when i wanted to take something from the cabinet but his leg was blocking.
i told him to adjust his legs and suddenly he blew his anger...
shouted that he didn't want to go... asked me to go myself.... he stepped out from my car during waiting the traffic light turned out green light...
my kids and i both were surprising...
we found this really ridiculous about his manners!!!!
i was really upset!
indeed...
and i asked my daughter to text him BUT he never replied...
very rude and NO MANNER at all....
hence, we just went ahead to my sis party without knowing what he gonna to do... and...
his house key was with me!!!
i wondered how would he gonna home later or never go home at all...
until the party ended, yet everyone asked me where's my hubs...
*speechless*
i just kept quiet...
we went home after party and he still didn't come home until next morning and now...
i guess there would be an end of relationship between me and him...
yet a few days to go for our 11st years of wedding anniversary and it seems no longer important now..
perhaps it is... i shall decide for the better future and could not longer be with this useless fella...
i guess i shall better now with my kids because my kids are my strength now... and they are growing up enough to taken care and thinking what happens surroundings.
oh well, time to have dinner soon...
shall i prepare some simple dinner for myself and my kids too? :)
Life is blessed if we know how to enjoy it...
perhaps ...
we just wait and see if he doesn't come home tonight...
because he needs to work tomorrow and he needs to go out-station to Kedah... i don't know if he really neglects his works...
oh well...
we just ignore this useless fella who is totally fail as a husband and daddy too...
everytime i talk about my hubs, my heart really sank...
he is the one guy doesn't know how to appreciate me and cares me as a wife and a mother...
like on Mother day, he spoke that only the children celebrate with the mother NOT a husband should appreciates a wife who has given birth the kids and doing the homeworks for him...
ridiculous eh?
anyway i am really tired with his brainless and stupid manners...
sighs...
really disappointed and totally lost now...
xxx
guess what?
let me tell what had happened yesterday??!!!
my daughter was attending to activities at school, going to Broga, Semenyih from 7am until 6.30pm. so left me, my son and my hubs. but i came back to my daddy house after working of course to have the lunch which was preparing by my parent whilst my hubs was speaking earlier that he wanted to go Sunway to have lunch whilst to look for the car part... i just ignored since i was not interested.
hence, i went back to my daddy house as usual. my sis was there but my nephew was not there, my sis spoke that she wanted to let her son to rest since he was a Birthday Boy that night...
oh well.. i spent a few hours there, then going home about 3pm.. before that, i did text him and asking where was he?
"your mind"
"what mind? where are you?"
"of course at home lar"
"ok, have u ate? wan me dabao something?"
"i ate already"
then i just went home and having a bath since the weather was humid...
and my hubs was watching movie, then went to sleeping.
my son was playing alone at living room and i was gently reminding him that don't play funny things when mummy slept.
he nodded...
then i slept... that time was about 4pm like that...
but my hubs woke up earlier than me... yet he blamed me for late?
he woke up earlier but never preparing anything such like prepare the camera for my sis's party later etc... instead of shot me for late to fetch our daughter at school? but that time was slightly early? he just purposely said that? he was disturbing me at first place yet he blamed me? that was hilarious!!! anyway i was upset!
again, i was upset when he left me and my son!
text-ed him many times also never replied...
i was fuming MAD...
i looked for him from above road until at school foyer, i found he talked to my cousin brother.
suddenly i realised my shirt has tore, hence i told him to take care the kids and i went home changing the shirt.
and they reached home about 7.15pm.. slightly late.
i was nervous because it was late already yet he still drove soooo slow...
i requested to change the driver place and he just let me to drive. he seemed has no mood at all about going to my sister's party...
when i drove, quite a bit speed... suddenly knocked the road's hill and my hubs was MAD. he almost stopped me by took the brake.. i told him everything was fine, i was not purposely to do so, asked him to calm BUT he seemed wandering nowhere in his mind...
still angry...
stopped at traffic light. when i wanted to take something from the cabinet but his leg was blocking.
i told him to adjust his legs and suddenly he blew his anger...
shouted that he didn't want to go... asked me to go myself.... he stepped out from my car during waiting the traffic light turned out green light...
my kids and i both were surprising...
we found this really ridiculous about his manners!!!!
i was really upset!
indeed...
and i asked my daughter to text him BUT he never replied...
very rude and NO MANNER at all....
hence, we just went ahead to my sis party without knowing what he gonna to do... and...
his house key was with me!!!
i wondered how would he gonna home later or never go home at all...
until the party ended, yet everyone asked me where's my hubs...
*speechless*
i just kept quiet...
we went home after party and he still didn't come home until next morning and now...
i guess there would be an end of relationship between me and him...
yet a few days to go for our 11st years of wedding anniversary and it seems no longer important now..
perhaps it is... i shall decide for the better future and could not longer be with this useless fella...
i guess i shall better now with my kids because my kids are my strength now... and they are growing up enough to taken care and thinking what happens surroundings.
oh well, time to have dinner soon...
shall i prepare some simple dinner for myself and my kids too? :)
Life is blessed if we know how to enjoy it...
perhaps ...
we just wait and see if he doesn't come home tonight...
because he needs to work tomorrow and he needs to go out-station to Kedah... i don't know if he really neglects his works...
oh well...
we just ignore this useless fella who is totally fail as a husband and daddy too...
everytime i talk about my hubs, my heart really sank...
he is the one guy doesn't know how to appreciate me and cares me as a wife and a mother...
like on Mother day, he spoke that only the children celebrate with the mother NOT a husband should appreciates a wife who has given birth the kids and doing the homeworks for him...
ridiculous eh?
anyway i am really tired with his brainless and stupid manners...
sighs...
really disappointed and totally lost now...
xxx
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Saturday Rantings~~~
yeah i am back to work!!! it's a half day working right now and oh well i came in office slightly late earlier because i needed to attend the parent day at my son's kindergarten whilst collecting the report book as well as his progress books during 5 months (January to this month)... funnily, we were not allowed to take the report book and progress books back instead of signing the report book on the spot after spoke with the teacher... O_O
why? in the past, we were used to collect and brought back... after checked, we would return to the kindergarten just like that... this rules changed eh?
oh well i don't see any improvements on my son's studies in kindergarten BUT those teachers kept praising how much good of my son was during class in these past 5 months.... funny is it? and as i knew my son is able to read but not that much like his sister who was in kindergarten 6 years ago very well-done in studies. how come both of my kids reversed....??!!!
hmm... many questions in my mind why my both kids are much different even from the kindergarten??!!
either my daughter was a fast learner and able to cope everything or my son is a boy, he might cope slowly compared to a girl???!!!
perhaps it is...?
i am not sure either BUT i just hope both of my kids are doing well in many things such as academics, skills, IQ, EQ and etc... not that demands more on them, just hope they are achieving on what they want...
right now, i am worried the MOST are both of my kids...
my eldest one, she is now standard 5 yet she seems so lazier even worse than me when i was in primary... i also don't know how she coped in the school / tuition class? i don't know until which level did she reach in the progressing?? any improvements??? after i sent her to tuition?
this really most worried to me... not only my eldest, my youngest as well... next year he would be enroll to standard one but yet he seems could copes the most of all studies... kinda slower bit...
what should i do now?
sigh...
i am really worried of them...
BUT...
my hubs never worries about that of course because he never cares about how are their progressing in studies so far, he knows how to play... a slight bad role as a daddy!.. but it's okay if playing in once in a while but not that too often eh?
he always open the cartoon movies and watching together, neglecting the timing which they suppose to study... especially at night time... *face-palm*
i am as a mummy also feeling that i am totally fail in doing a duty as a mummy which should set a good example to my kids... instead of i myself also wrong... that's why my all doings bits to more has been giving a negative impression to my kids...
that's why i have planned to set up a child care centre so that i could act as a mother as well being a teacher to them in the same time, at least i am be there for them when they need me the most...
i hope i am... and it's under progressing to get the centre... BUT now i am encountering big problems, i have a difficult dealing with the owner of centre... she kept insisting me to pay the deposit 5k a few days ago and i was heartbroken because i had to take out my children's savings to pay the deposit, i took it as a help... i had promised myself when i earn back, i ought to repay back to my children's double savings in the future.
no choice, the owner seems never understand my situation, and sometimes she speaks that she never thinks that i could get the loan... WHAT? she never give any documents, how to support my proposal to present later? how idiot lar...
anyway if she still behaves like that, i shall shoot her at one time and asking her to refund all back to me and i shall cancel my plans on buying her centre! i really suffer and very pressure after i determined to buy her centre but it seems haven't reach the level where i supposed to... still half way... i stucked at nowhere it is...?????????
yesterday she text-ed me, asked me if i would like to fix the signboard and stickers for the centre...? i was surprising because i haven't prepared any proposals now and she asked me to pay this and that?
what the HELL she talked... and i have not become 100% belonging to this centre, i can't suppose to pay this and that right? what a hilarious it is.... :(
i told her that if i wan modify or add some for the centre, all things must be in proposal so that i could claim from this proposal since i have paid 5k deposit which i might not claim back... i don't know which phrase does she not understand in this proposal? i wonder whether has she heard about SME Bank? why not she tries to google and study what is the SME Bank instead of pushing me like shit???!!! as what i have learned, if i submit the proposal beforehand and i had paid the deposit, i can't claim the deposit back from the loan i applied unless after i submitted the proposal and paying the deposit as well, this can be claimed! how supposed she understand this simple concept? i also told her to wait for 60 days from the date i submit the proposal, in case if it is approved either before 60 days, that's good already otherwise, have to work harder then!!!! it's all depending on her if she is willing to wait.... OR she could just refund everything to me and i shall return all to her...
be fair! that's all - - -
at times, i notice she was kinda rushing... *face-palm* i am kinda feeling hard to deal with her and her husband indeed... how stupid ways it go... sighs...
i am sure she never studied about it, that's why she always talked negative things with me which really pissed me off all the times.... i can't imagined that i met a super fussy owner right now. i recalled i have met another owner in Puchong one, she was kind-hearted and never forced me, she understood my situation, she tried to help me whatever it could be... BUT too bad i didn't buy her centre because her centre is currently no longer operating and this meant i have to start all over again, i don't think i could take up this risk... by the way this current owner really fussy!!! and never understands me...
could she understand me? she never gives me any chances for me rather than pushing me to dead roads... which i really beh tahan until now... but i am very patient with her styles... not until max...
oh well... not only her, her husband also SAME... both of them always think i can't get the loan and etc BUT why they will sell me? if they want to sell me, they should give me some time to settle things and helping me to prepare important documents rather than delaying... is it?
i supposed to prepare the proposal and submitting on Monday yet she doesn't e-mail any documents? that really pissed off me... i wonder sometimes if they really wanna test my challenges? i bet they challenge my patiences and mentally mind of mine!!!! sighs...
sometimes i hard to breathe...
i even help them to create the blog as well as FB too but look at this situation now... what is this about?
shall i go ahead or just giving up???
i really totally "give-up" but i have some good friends to encourage and support me but i don't think i could facing the most crazier situation now... my family and my hubs don't know about this matter, only my eldest daughter and my some of friends knew about this...
seriously, today is Saturday, suppose to be relax but i can't... thinking many things plus i have many things to settle such as need to fetch my daughter at school 6.30pm later and going to attend my nephew's first birthday party and etc...
my mind seems has not been peace now... keeps thinking and worrying like shit...
oh well, i knew some friends from the course which i had attended last week, we shared the problems together, i found he has the problems as well but i think he can settles it easily because his situation is not same as mine...
mine a bit complicated though but i don't know shall i go ahead or...?
please help me!!!
i totally lose now...
:(
xxx
why? in the past, we were used to collect and brought back... after checked, we would return to the kindergarten just like that... this rules changed eh?
oh well i don't see any improvements on my son's studies in kindergarten BUT those teachers kept praising how much good of my son was during class in these past 5 months.... funny is it? and as i knew my son is able to read but not that much like his sister who was in kindergarten 6 years ago very well-done in studies. how come both of my kids reversed....??!!!
hmm... many questions in my mind why my both kids are much different even from the kindergarten??!!
either my daughter was a fast learner and able to cope everything or my son is a boy, he might cope slowly compared to a girl???!!!
perhaps it is...?
i am not sure either BUT i just hope both of my kids are doing well in many things such as academics, skills, IQ, EQ and etc... not that demands more on them, just hope they are achieving on what they want...
right now, i am worried the MOST are both of my kids...
my eldest one, she is now standard 5 yet she seems so lazier even worse than me when i was in primary... i also don't know how she coped in the school / tuition class? i don't know until which level did she reach in the progressing?? any improvements??? after i sent her to tuition?
this really most worried to me... not only my eldest, my youngest as well... next year he would be enroll to standard one but yet he seems could copes the most of all studies... kinda slower bit...
what should i do now?
sigh...
i am really worried of them...
BUT...
my hubs never worries about that of course because he never cares about how are their progressing in studies so far, he knows how to play... a slight bad role as a daddy!.. but it's okay if playing in once in a while but not that too often eh?
he always open the cartoon movies and watching together, neglecting the timing which they suppose to study... especially at night time... *face-palm*
i am as a mummy also feeling that i am totally fail in doing a duty as a mummy which should set a good example to my kids... instead of i myself also wrong... that's why my all doings bits to more has been giving a negative impression to my kids...
that's why i have planned to set up a child care centre so that i could act as a mother as well being a teacher to them in the same time, at least i am be there for them when they need me the most...
i hope i am... and it's under progressing to get the centre... BUT now i am encountering big problems, i have a difficult dealing with the owner of centre... she kept insisting me to pay the deposit 5k a few days ago and i was heartbroken because i had to take out my children's savings to pay the deposit, i took it as a help... i had promised myself when i earn back, i ought to repay back to my children's double savings in the future.
no choice, the owner seems never understand my situation, and sometimes she speaks that she never thinks that i could get the loan... WHAT? she never give any documents, how to support my proposal to present later? how idiot lar...
anyway if she still behaves like that, i shall shoot her at one time and asking her to refund all back to me and i shall cancel my plans on buying her centre! i really suffer and very pressure after i determined to buy her centre but it seems haven't reach the level where i supposed to... still half way... i stucked at nowhere it is...?????????
yesterday she text-ed me, asked me if i would like to fix the signboard and stickers for the centre...? i was surprising because i haven't prepared any proposals now and she asked me to pay this and that?
what the HELL she talked... and i have not become 100% belonging to this centre, i can't suppose to pay this and that right? what a hilarious it is.... :(
i told her that if i wan modify or add some for the centre, all things must be in proposal so that i could claim from this proposal since i have paid 5k deposit which i might not claim back... i don't know which phrase does she not understand in this proposal? i wonder whether has she heard about SME Bank? why not she tries to google and study what is the SME Bank instead of pushing me like shit???!!! as what i have learned, if i submit the proposal beforehand and i had paid the deposit, i can't claim the deposit back from the loan i applied unless after i submitted the proposal and paying the deposit as well, this can be claimed! how supposed she understand this simple concept? i also told her to wait for 60 days from the date i submit the proposal, in case if it is approved either before 60 days, that's good already otherwise, have to work harder then!!!! it's all depending on her if she is willing to wait.... OR she could just refund everything to me and i shall return all to her...
be fair! that's all - - -
at times, i notice she was kinda rushing... *face-palm* i am kinda feeling hard to deal with her and her husband indeed... how stupid ways it go... sighs...
i am sure she never studied about it, that's why she always talked negative things with me which really pissed me off all the times.... i can't imagined that i met a super fussy owner right now. i recalled i have met another owner in Puchong one, she was kind-hearted and never forced me, she understood my situation, she tried to help me whatever it could be... BUT too bad i didn't buy her centre because her centre is currently no longer operating and this meant i have to start all over again, i don't think i could take up this risk... by the way this current owner really fussy!!! and never understands me...
could she understand me? she never gives me any chances for me rather than pushing me to dead roads... which i really beh tahan until now... but i am very patient with her styles... not until max...
oh well... not only her, her husband also SAME... both of them always think i can't get the loan and etc BUT why they will sell me? if they want to sell me, they should give me some time to settle things and helping me to prepare important documents rather than delaying... is it?
i supposed to prepare the proposal and submitting on Monday yet she doesn't e-mail any documents? that really pissed off me... i wonder sometimes if they really wanna test my challenges? i bet they challenge my patiences and mentally mind of mine!!!! sighs...
sometimes i hard to breathe...
i even help them to create the blog as well as FB too but look at this situation now... what is this about?
shall i go ahead or just giving up???
i really totally "give-up" but i have some good friends to encourage and support me but i don't think i could facing the most crazier situation now... my family and my hubs don't know about this matter, only my eldest daughter and my some of friends knew about this...
seriously, today is Saturday, suppose to be relax but i can't... thinking many things plus i have many things to settle such as need to fetch my daughter at school 6.30pm later and going to attend my nephew's first birthday party and etc...
my mind seems has not been peace now... keeps thinking and worrying like shit...
oh well, i knew some friends from the course which i had attended last week, we shared the problems together, i found he has the problems as well but i think he can settles it easily because his situation is not same as mine...
mine a bit complicated though but i don't know shall i go ahead or...?
please help me!!!
i totally lose now...
:(
xxx
Friday, May 10, 2013
here is TGIF - - -
it's Friday again... can't imagine it flies so fast in a week time... yet there are ways to achieve! oh well, i was worrying about how would i take off for two days by next week to attend the course? since there are darn a lot of jobs due to convention things... but i am determined to take leave! no choice... perhaps it's a wrong timing to happen and the course is not always happening. hence, i must attend for this course.
oh well, i have told my hubs about this and he asked is...
"this fee rm500 for this course... u paid?"
i answered "yeah? i will bear my responsibility..."
and he said after this - - "if u got no extra money later on, don't even ask me to help.... you said you bear the responsibility on this...?
sounded like very selfish, never helped me!
i still remember when he became a full time freelancer, always no income sometimes, i bore all the expenses and sometimes i never complained, i was thick face to ask for helps such like borrowing the money from my sister, my friends and even worse from my sisters-in-law... i didn't return the money to them because they understood my situations but as for my sisters-in-law, i have to return to them as they would think i was purposely not returning to them as they look at my things like i was afford to buy but not afford to return to them plus my hubs kept forcing / warning me to return back to them...
is better to return to them, afterward i will no more owe with them, less burdens on me... only my siblings and my friends of mine only i can return for anytime once i really afford to pay settlements... hope so...
*finger-crossed*
by the way, i think i would travel all the way to HQ, KL by myself... either taking the LRT or driving myself to there, i also asked my hubs to fetch me there on weekend but he asked me go myself better. because he can't wait longer plus he needs to take care the kids... is okay for me, that's understandable and i just need a little support from him.. *long sighs*
oh well, i just hope i am able to follow the course later...
yay, i finally got the approval for two days leave by next week but of course i have to bring the assignments back home to work :(
because i was purposely lying that i took leave to take care the kids and my parent is going to travel... but i really have no choice. otherwise, they would not allow me going since there are a lot of jobs to do for coming convention soon... aiyoo... this is a real busier period now... *face-palm*
but is okay, i lied once in a while... just to attend the course! hope this is worth for me! long breathe...
i am slightly worried about this weekend... wondering this weekend would be busier for me. and another 2 days after weekend might be busier to me as well... oh well, i haven't settled my HLB current account... i was real busier today, gotta to send my car to service and had late lunch with my hubs and came in office late, got the scoldings by A... i am really tension!
therefore, i haven't settled the deposit with the owner yet! :(
i am real busier this week...
xxx
oh well, i have told my hubs about this and he asked is...
"this fee rm500 for this course... u paid?"
i answered "yeah? i will bear my responsibility..."
and he said after this - - "if u got no extra money later on, don't even ask me to help.... you said you bear the responsibility on this...?
sounded like very selfish, never helped me!
i still remember when he became a full time freelancer, always no income sometimes, i bore all the expenses and sometimes i never complained, i was thick face to ask for helps such like borrowing the money from my sister, my friends and even worse from my sisters-in-law... i didn't return the money to them because they understood my situations but as for my sisters-in-law, i have to return to them as they would think i was purposely not returning to them as they look at my things like i was afford to buy but not afford to return to them plus my hubs kept forcing / warning me to return back to them...
is better to return to them, afterward i will no more owe with them, less burdens on me... only my siblings and my friends of mine only i can return for anytime once i really afford to pay settlements... hope so...
*finger-crossed*
by the way, i think i would travel all the way to HQ, KL by myself... either taking the LRT or driving myself to there, i also asked my hubs to fetch me there on weekend but he asked me go myself better. because he can't wait longer plus he needs to take care the kids... is okay for me, that's understandable and i just need a little support from him.. *long sighs*
oh well, i just hope i am able to follow the course later...
yay, i finally got the approval for two days leave by next week but of course i have to bring the assignments back home to work :(
because i was purposely lying that i took leave to take care the kids and my parent is going to travel... but i really have no choice. otherwise, they would not allow me going since there are a lot of jobs to do for coming convention soon... aiyoo... this is a real busier period now... *face-palm*
but is okay, i lied once in a while... just to attend the course! hope this is worth for me! long breathe...
i am slightly worried about this weekend... wondering this weekend would be busier for me. and another 2 days after weekend might be busier to me as well... oh well, i haven't settled my HLB current account... i was real busier today, gotta to send my car to service and had late lunch with my hubs and came in office late, got the scoldings by A... i am really tension!
therefore, i haven't settled the deposit with the owner yet! :(
i am real busier this week...
xxx
Thursday, May 9, 2013
hard to breathe!!!
oh well, i really hard to breathe now when i went thru much details now...
by now, I can feel the weight of my stresses right now...
oh my... i knew i can't turn back already. i ought to go straight to one point in order to get successful one of these days... despite of the objections from either my hubs or my family...
but...
it is a must for me...
to change a better life, yeah it is...
so now...
i need the MORAL SUPPORTS now...
:'(
anyone?
xxx
by now, I can feel the weight of my stresses right now...
oh my... i knew i can't turn back already. i ought to go straight to one point in order to get successful one of these days... despite of the objections from either my hubs or my family...
but...
it is a must for me...
to change a better life, yeah it is...
so now...
i need the MORAL SUPPORTS now...
:'(
anyone?
xxx
Program Inkubator Usahawan Siswazah (PIUS)
yesterday i was purposely to skip working because i really wanted to visit a few banks to get more details about the start-up business loan or taking over the existing business needs the fund to invest. but i have no modals at all... furthermore, the childcare owner has been urged me to pay the deposit 5k to convert the SSM ownership.
*headache*
i really need their supports especially my hubs and my family but none of them would give me supports mentally and physically because they only remind me to work well here which i absolutely don't like to be salaried forever. no choice if they refuse to support what i want to do... i need to face it all by myself.
for this time, i really feel the heavy pressures at my shoulders... apart from this course, centre and the financials, i also face another issues like my family thinkings about me... doubts me and would not encourage me to do so since i have the kids, they don't allow me to drag the kids to get hungry together in case if i can't make money... this is very wrong!
everyone has their own dreams to chase / achieve... is it? why i can't? is it because i have a family doesn't mean i shall not chase my dreams? what's wrong about this?
oh well, i had enough already with this life... i need move to a better life by changing the life if possible... who knows? anyway every impossible may becomes possible if we believe ourselves to do... yeah we can?!! why not?
anyway...
i need the supports for now...
please...
okay back to topics...
after a few weeks i did the home works such like google-ing about the SME Banks, Commercial Banks, Personal Loans and etc... eventually i have decided to seek more informations by face-to-face with the banks.
1st destination was OCBC bank which locates at Bandar Puteri, Puchong and i seek Miss Akemi, Business Development Manager. she was really friendly and helpful... but nothing was better for me after she introduced Mr Phillip for me. he advised me to seek another banks since OCBC bank is small organization and may not help.
and i went to another destination at Standard Character Bank which is just a few block from OCBC bank... after all the banks are all close by. yes, there are a lot of banks around there. i spoke with guys and introduced me with Mr Yaris. we almost filled and signed but i reserved myself and telling him to hold first. i haven't decided to apply that loans. since i need to do more home works. there's still way of solutions to go... hence, hold first and i went to the next destination which was the last bank i visited is SME Bank in Shah Alam... i was almost late to reach at 4pm, thought it would be closed. boy, was i wrong. it still opened until 5.30pm. i was gladly reaching there. and seeking the consultant there and they were pretty helpful and friendly :)
thru the discussions, i learned that SME Bank which is provided by Government to help the entrepreneurs to build the business either start-up business, taking over or currently operated to expand the business. but if i wanna apply the loan, i have to attend the course to get qualify for that... but the course would be starts this week... *face-palm*
i was thinking how to solve this matter? my hubs would not allow me to go for this course because this course would be provided in HQ, KL... for 4 days yes!!! *touch-wood*
i was thinking longer... i shall not giving up for this since this is a gold opportunity! oh well, i can't let it go... but i still thought how to settle this matter with my hubs later... *long sighs*
i am sure i would be getting the real objections from my hubs as well as my family since they don't support me to achieve my dreams... :(
too bad eh?
oh well, i have submitted the form to HQ and hoping i could make this move!!!
*finger-crossed*
xxx
*headache*
i really need their supports especially my hubs and my family but none of them would give me supports mentally and physically because they only remind me to work well here which i absolutely don't like to be salaried forever. no choice if they refuse to support what i want to do... i need to face it all by myself.
for this time, i really feel the heavy pressures at my shoulders... apart from this course, centre and the financials, i also face another issues like my family thinkings about me... doubts me and would not encourage me to do so since i have the kids, they don't allow me to drag the kids to get hungry together in case if i can't make money... this is very wrong!
everyone has their own dreams to chase / achieve... is it? why i can't? is it because i have a family doesn't mean i shall not chase my dreams? what's wrong about this?
oh well, i had enough already with this life... i need move to a better life by changing the life if possible... who knows? anyway every impossible may becomes possible if we believe ourselves to do... yeah we can?!! why not?
anyway...
i need the supports for now...
please...
okay back to topics...
after a few weeks i did the home works such like google-ing about the SME Banks, Commercial Banks, Personal Loans and etc... eventually i have decided to seek more informations by face-to-face with the banks.
1st destination was OCBC bank which locates at Bandar Puteri, Puchong and i seek Miss Akemi, Business Development Manager. she was really friendly and helpful... but nothing was better for me after she introduced Mr Phillip for me. he advised me to seek another banks since OCBC bank is small organization and may not help.
and i went to another destination at Standard Character Bank which is just a few block from OCBC bank... after all the banks are all close by. yes, there are a lot of banks around there. i spoke with guys and introduced me with Mr Yaris. we almost filled and signed but i reserved myself and telling him to hold first. i haven't decided to apply that loans. since i need to do more home works. there's still way of solutions to go... hence, hold first and i went to the next destination which was the last bank i visited is SME Bank in Shah Alam... i was almost late to reach at 4pm, thought it would be closed. boy, was i wrong. it still opened until 5.30pm. i was gladly reaching there. and seeking the consultant there and they were pretty helpful and friendly :)
thru the discussions, i learned that SME Bank which is provided by Government to help the entrepreneurs to build the business either start-up business, taking over or currently operated to expand the business. but if i wanna apply the loan, i have to attend the course to get qualify for that... but the course would be starts this week... *face-palm*
i was thinking how to solve this matter? my hubs would not allow me to go for this course because this course would be provided in HQ, KL... for 4 days yes!!! *touch-wood*
i was thinking longer... i shall not giving up for this since this is a gold opportunity! oh well, i can't let it go... but i still thought how to settle this matter with my hubs later... *long sighs*
i am sure i would be getting the real objections from my hubs as well as my family since they don't support me to achieve my dreams... :(
too bad eh?
oh well, i have submitted the form to HQ and hoping i could make this move!!!
*finger-crossed*
xxx
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Tuesday Blues
it's Tuesday blues yet i am so pressure regarding the childcare centre... wondering where i could find the money to pay the deposit? and this owner of the centre keeps urging me... so stressed...
she spoke before that i could pay installments but now she changed the mind... it seems like i need to pay full payment for that centre price... i gonna doomed but when i think of my old friend, WW... he always advises me... "there's many solutions to think, not to think one solution for time being... the winner will always think many solutions to overcome, and the loser only gives many excuses..."
hence, i don't wanna give a ton of excuses...
he wants to see if i really move or remains the grey zone right now... sounds sad huh? because he has been looking at my life in past years and i have been told him many times but nothing changed... instead of he changed to better livings now!!! how envy!!! he is really tougher and stronger than i expected... i wish i could be like him... sighs...
now i am even more pressures about how to get the money to settle the centre price??? SSM license also not settled yet because the owner spoke that she never expects that change the ownership is so simple... hence, she wants to play safe by paying her the deposit first.
hmm...
not easy right?
business world is like that, everyone will be more selfish, this also depends lor...
sighs...
xxx
she spoke before that i could pay installments but now she changed the mind... it seems like i need to pay full payment for that centre price... i gonna doomed but when i think of my old friend, WW... he always advises me... "there's many solutions to think, not to think one solution for time being... the winner will always think many solutions to overcome, and the loser only gives many excuses..."
hence, i don't wanna give a ton of excuses...
he wants to see if i really move or remains the grey zone right now... sounds sad huh? because he has been looking at my life in past years and i have been told him many times but nothing changed... instead of he changed to better livings now!!! how envy!!! he is really tougher and stronger than i expected... i wish i could be like him... sighs...
now i am even more pressures about how to get the money to settle the centre price??? SSM license also not settled yet because the owner spoke that she never expects that change the ownership is so simple... hence, she wants to play safe by paying her the deposit first.
hmm...
not easy right?
business world is like that, everyone will be more selfish, this also depends lor...
sighs...
xxx
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