oh well, it seems i have neglected my dear BLOG for past 2 weeks due to busy with many things such as convention, company trip, painting the new house, etc... it was real busier in past weeks and i had not having a good rest of myself though... :(
ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...
yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...
sounds sad huh??? :(
so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*
up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company... oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...
my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs*
this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*
what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(
no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?
by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....
no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....
*long winded*
sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind. just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...
even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...
see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....
no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...
my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(
useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!
never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!
once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...
SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!
please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...
it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....
VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!
beh tahan!
"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "
i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around.... why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.
*sighs, very upset indeed!*
xxx
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