what a tsunami day!!!

Now i realize how terrible he is now, treats me like a stranger when in the new house and when in office, he will be nicer with me because he needs my helps to amend his grammars. How bad eh...

And i am quite disappointed by ways he treats me. Its not like which he should cares me in as his wife but nobody!!!

When i asked him to help taking the stool for me. He didn't take for me but asked me to take it myself but he was next to the stool why not help??

so selfish!!!! Btw, yesterday was my last day of working at company and i have submitted the absence from work letter for one month after spoke with Madam. I thought i can take at least 60  days leave but Madam seemed disagree because we had spoken that i was given 30 days to work at centre. Either resuming back to office after one month or just resign when there's getting better in centre but i can not guarantee it though. I was slightly worried about it...

Anyway, its my new challenge in my life after been in the comfort zone... i need to move on what i supposed to change the life style. At least trying rather than nothing at all and i don't want to be like my hubby! He has no motivation at all, slightly coward though and always objects whatever i do but i just ignore what he talks sometimes not logical at all.

Our thinkings are different. I am kinda of ambitious and would like to try n error whilst my hubby is just fine with this situation now. How crashed eh???

Plus, his attitude and thinking are very childish and immature! All the times he can drives me bonker and mad but my patiences had taught me to control my patiences when dealing with a stupid and immature guy like him!!!

Oh well... selfish, stupid and immature old fella... until when you can realise?????

ighs!!!!!!!

xxx

2 weeks is the hectic period...

oh well, it seems i have neglected my dear BLOG for past 2 weeks due to busy with many things such as convention, company trip, painting the new house, etc... it was real busier in past weeks and i had not having a good rest of myself though... :(

ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...

yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...

sounds sad huh??? :(

so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*

up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company...  oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...

my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs* 

this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*

what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(

no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?

by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....

no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....

*long winded*

sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind.  just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...

even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...

see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....

no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...

my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(

useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!

never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!

once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...

SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!

please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...

it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....

VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!

beh tahan!


"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "

i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around....  why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.

*sighs, very upset indeed!*



xxx

he threw the violin!!!

As we knew the violin or any music things can not be threw or damaged right??!! This stupid daddy threw the violin on the floor caused the violin slightly damaged. Sighs...

WHAT the hell he threw the violin such this way! Very rude manner n he never treasures the violin...

Looks at my brother, he treasures his guitars very much although he rarely plays them but because of my daughter is no longer playing, he lost temper????!!!!

OH myy... whats this manner???

what a stupid!!!

we are quite upset with his wayssss.... really spoil our day though in the morning!!!

xxx

it seems turning out even worse now - - -

oh well, it's Sunday evening and my kids are sleeping soundly... they are blessed indeed under my cares... when i look at my kids, i feel guilty sometimes because they have a lousy and brainless daddy!

guess what? 

let me tell what had happened yesterday??!!!

my daughter was attending to activities at school, going to Broga, Semenyih from 7am until 6.30pm. so left me, my son and my hubs. but i came back to my daddy house after working of course to have the lunch which was preparing by my parent whilst my hubs was speaking earlier that he wanted to go Sunway to have lunch whilst to look for the car part... i just ignored since i was not interested.

hence, i went back to my daddy house as usual. my sis was there but my nephew was not there, my sis spoke that she wanted to let her son to rest since he was a Birthday Boy that night...

oh well..  i spent a few hours there, then going home about 3pm.. before that, i did text him and asking where was he?

"your mind"

        "what mind? where are you?"

"of course at home lar"

       "ok, have u ate? wan me dabao something?"

"i ate already"


then i just went home and having a bath since the weather was humid...

and my hubs was watching movie, then went to sleeping.

my son was playing alone at living room and i was gently reminding him that don't play funny things when mummy slept.

he nodded...

then i slept... that time was about 4pm like that...

but my hubs woke up earlier than me... yet he blamed me for late?

he woke up earlier but never preparing anything such like prepare the camera for my sis's party later etc... instead of shot me for late to fetch our daughter at school? but that time was slightly early? he just purposely said that? he was disturbing me at first place yet he blamed me? that was hilarious!!! anyway i was upset!

again, i was upset when he left me and my son!

text-ed him many times also never replied...

i was fuming MAD...

i looked for him from above road until at school foyer, i found he talked to my cousin brother.

suddenly i realised my shirt has tore, hence i told him to take care the kids and i went home changing the shirt.

and they reached home about 7.15pm.. slightly late.

i was nervous because it was late already yet he still drove soooo slow...

i requested to change the driver place and he just let me to drive. he seemed has no mood at all about going to my sister's party...

when i drove, quite a bit speed... suddenly knocked the road's hill and my hubs was MAD. he almost stopped me by took the brake.. i told him everything was fine, i was not purposely to do so, asked him to calm BUT he seemed wandering nowhere in his mind...

still angry...

stopped at traffic light. when i wanted to take something from the cabinet but his leg was blocking.

i told him to adjust his legs and suddenly he blew his anger...

shouted that he didn't want to go... asked me to go myself.... he stepped out from my car during waiting the traffic light turned out green light...

my kids and i both were surprising...

we found this really ridiculous about his manners!!!!


i was really upset!

indeed...

and i asked my daughter to text him BUT he never replied...

very rude and NO MANNER at all....

hence, we just went ahead to my sis party without knowing what he gonna to do... and...

his house key was with me!!!


i wondered how would he gonna home later or never go home at all...

until the party ended, yet everyone asked me where's my hubs...

*speechless*

i just kept quiet...

we went home after party and he still didn't come home until next morning and now...

i guess there would be an end of relationship between me and him...

yet a few days to go for our 11st years of wedding anniversary and it seems no longer important now..

perhaps it is... i shall decide for the better future and could not longer be with this useless fella...

i guess i shall better now with my kids because my kids are my strength now... and they are growing up enough to taken care and thinking what happens surroundings.

oh well, time to have dinner soon...

shall i prepare some simple dinner for myself and my kids too? :)

Life is blessed if we know how to enjoy it...

perhaps ...

we just wait and see if he doesn't come home tonight...

because he needs to work tomorrow and he needs to go out-station to Kedah... i don't know if he really neglects his works...

oh well...

we just ignore this useless fella who is totally fail as a husband and daddy too...


everytime i talk about my hubs, my heart really sank...

he is the one guy doesn't know how to appreciate me and cares me as a wife and a mother...

like on Mother day, he spoke that only the children celebrate with the mother NOT a husband should appreciates a wife who has given birth the kids and doing the homeworks for him...

ridiculous eh?

anyway i am really tired with his brainless and stupid manners...

sighs...

really disappointed and totally lost now...


xxx

Program Inkubator Usahawan Siswazah (PIUS)

yesterday i was purposely to skip working because i really wanted to visit a few banks to get more details about the start-up business loan or taking over the existing business needs the fund to invest. but i have no modals at all...  furthermore, the childcare owner has been urged me to pay the deposit 5k to convert the SSM ownership.

*headache*

i really need their supports especially my hubs and my family but none of them would give me supports mentally and physically because they only remind me to work well here which i absolutely don't like to be salaried forever. no choice if they refuse to support what i want to do... i need to face it all by myself.

for this time, i really feel the heavy pressures at my shoulders... apart from this course, centre and the financials, i also face another issues like my family thinkings about me... doubts me and would not encourage me to do so since i have the kids, they don't allow me to drag the kids to get hungry together in case if i can't make money... this is very wrong!

everyone has their own dreams to chase / achieve... is it? why i can't? is it because i have a family doesn't mean i shall not chase my dreams? what's wrong about this?

oh well, i had enough already with this life... i need move to a better life by changing the life if possible... who knows? anyway every impossible may becomes possible if we believe ourselves to do... yeah we can?!! why not?

anyway...

i need the supports for now...

please...

okay back to topics...

after a few weeks i did the home works such like google-ing about the SME Banks, Commercial Banks, Personal Loans and etc... eventually i have decided to seek more informations by face-to-face with the banks.

1st destination was OCBC bank which locates at Bandar Puteri, Puchong and i seek Miss Akemi, Business Development Manager. she was really friendly and helpful... but nothing was better for me after she introduced Mr Phillip for me. he advised me to seek another banks since OCBC bank is small organization and may not help.

and i went to another destination at Standard Character Bank which is just a few block from OCBC bank... after all the banks are all close by. yes, there are a lot of banks around there. i spoke with guys and introduced me with Mr Yaris. we almost filled and signed but i reserved myself and telling him to hold first. i haven't decided to apply that loans. since i need to do more home works. there's still way of solutions to go... hence, hold first and i went to the next destination which was the last bank i visited is SME Bank in Shah Alam... i was almost late to reach at 4pm, thought it would be closed. boy, was i wrong. it still opened until 5.30pm. i was gladly reaching there. and seeking the consultant there and they were pretty helpful and friendly :)

thru the discussions, i learned that SME Bank which is provided by Government to help the entrepreneurs to build the business either start-up business, taking over or currently operated to expand the business. but if i wanna apply the loan, i have to attend the course to get qualify for that... but the course would be starts this week... *face-palm*

i was thinking how to solve this matter? my hubs would not allow me to go for this course because this course would be provided in HQ, KL... for 4 days yes!!! *touch-wood*

i was thinking longer... i shall not giving up for this since this is a gold opportunity! oh well, i can't let it go... but i still thought how to settle this matter with my hubs later... *long sighs*

i am sure i would be getting the real objections from my hubs as well as my family since they don't support me to achieve my dreams... :(

too bad eh?

oh well, i have submitted the form to HQ and hoping i could make this move!!!

*finger-crossed*


xxx

just a rambling of mine...

just now my eldest sister-in-law whatsapp-ed in family board... asking anyone go back on 5th May - election time??!!

firstly, i didn't want to reply her but i replied her eventually. i tried to push my uncomfortable feel at aside and spoke as usual. oh well, she was happy that everyone is home on 5th May and she spoke that the second sister-in-law has bought a new Myvi. i was pretty surprised because i thought she was still thinking as she had spoke that his father had asked her to buy Alza so that he can use the Alza whilst the Waja is given to her...

she found this is ridiculous because the car is barely new and letting him to use? she would not to... hmm... who knows? his father's face is really thick! don't know what is the shame? oh well... perhaps that's just my thought but not her... since they are father and daughter after all, only she can decides for that.

as for me, i still couldn't accept this family in my life... indeed... and my hubs of course knew it so well but he could choose to ignore me since he chosen this family rather than me.

that's fine...

i don't mind...

since i knew my status as a wife is not longer important for him anymore... he could just ignores me anytime he wants to... and as a daughter-in-law in this family seems not important anymore for them as they don't really care me and my children!

oh well... perhaps these are my ramblings. i don't know what do they think about me and my kids. but i knew it would not be a good conclusion. anyway, no points if i still talk rubbishes right now.

and i don't know what have my hubs told them about me... perhaps he told them that i don't like them, don't like go back to his hometown and etc...

never mind... if my hubs is behaving like this, i guess there's no point for us to live together as a man and wife since there's no mutual understandings between me and him and he rather chooses his family over me...

i still remember when i first married to my hubs, i was accepting them as a family of mine and had treated them well but after a few years since we moved back to my homeland, and working here too... the children started to school here too and etc...

and sooner, when first sister-in law found her happiness, i was happy for her and etc... but the situation has changed after she had a first child and the second sister-in-law was called to work with her husband in Malacca... this was how the story changed... i started to feel awkward with them and etc... the worse part was when my children were treated invisibly... and the husband of first sister-in-law didn't treat my son when my son requested or talked with him! what kind of this way they gave to my children and made my children felt miserable although they were innocent and didn't know what happened surrounding of them.

indeed, my children are blessed to have uncle and aunt from the maternal siblings, they really love them like own children and would teach them when they did mistakes. unlike to my hubs's siblings, when my children did mistakes, they didn't teach them but choose to ignore them just like that and leaving to my hubs to scold them... of course my children didn't feel happy about this at times...

only if they were in my hubs's hometown, different story already!!!!

my hubs didn't see clearly but another people could see the whole story... so? i can't comment these though... only if another people in this picture would knew more than my hubs. why i knew about these? because as a mummy, of course i watched obviously on my children and how people would treat them...

when people said my children naughty and my hubs also agreed with them without knowing that they are his own children and he should knows them more than anyone right?

i find this is really ridiculous especially when my hubs put the faults on our children when people said our children were doing that and this...? they never knew they have their kids as well and their kids are not naughty? why so?

please use your brains lar!

i am really upset everytime i think about this and witness the whole picture when we are in his hometown...

*long sighs*

anyway, is okay... i shall voice out rather than bottle inside my heart... at least i feel relieved to know i protect my children well...

May God bless and protect them...

xxx

so stressed!!!!

everyday i am so stressed not only about my working life, but including many things such like my family, my family-in-law, my children, my husband, my "future" business, my siblings, my life, and etc... which drove me a million of NUTS...

i need a break sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!

arghhh...

i am so stressed when thinking about these. i knew there's nobody would help me for these. only i can help myself but HOW? nobody instructs me to do this and that because they are NOT me and I am NOT them... so we have different thinkings and life as well...

i admitted i am getting tired lately due to many reasons... as i spoke in previous entry, we had bought an unit but it took a long period to get done. perhaps 2 months time?

hmm...

regarding the child care business, it seems a nightmare to me because i don't have a certificate and may be difficult to run this.... :(

don't know shall i chase my dreams?

sometimes it could be joking with me!!!

*facepalm*

oh well, i have always complained about my hubs and his family but now i seem to fed up! don't know why and i feel not right to care about them now... whatever it is...

and my family...

i really don't see there's a warm family though!!!

especially when my daughter gets sick and my daddy complained...

and when my sister's son gets sick, does my daddy complain? i don't see them though. hmm... perhaps my sister's son is not under my parent care so they don't complain that much!...

and i am so sick of coming to work!!! looks at my repeated assignments, i feel like wanna "vomit"...

long sighs...


i am really stressed and nobody understands how i feel now and i could be gonna crazy anytime if too much pressures!!!

:(


xxx

opposite the thought!

i was having the lunch with the hubs earlier... at first was okay, afterward when i mentioned about my brother-in law (my sister's husband) birthday today... i was joking with him at Patio Cocoa cake shop next to vegetarian shop nearby my office. i told him in joking mode...

"i wanna buy a birthday cake for brother-in-law"

"i dunwan..."

"why? he has always treated us the lunch / dinner"

"my sisters always bought the clothes for our children. but u never appreciated."

"WHAT? i did appreciate whatever they did but that was past, and NOW?? did they? i didn't see since i had 2nd child until now... the last clothes that she bought for our daughter was 5 years ago...."

"my sisters always treat us the lunch / dinner but u never think wan repaying..."

i was speechless....

oh well, that certains not me, because they are his sisters... why should i pay? supposed to be him?

how ridiculous eh!!!

even my siblings always pay but never demand... so? my hubby never thought of paying them... even worse and more stingy toward my family compared to his family. of course everyone wants to treat own family better! but i just treat those who treats my family nicely and i am sure to treat back the same way!!!

right? but my hubs is other on the hand... very selfish!

i did thank for my family-in-law for everything. certainly! but i don't fancy at them though... *long story eh*

but i really absolutely hate the way my hubs treats my family like that!!!

i don't buy anything for her children because she doesn't buy anything for my children, even got also very rare!!! all goes for her own children!... only my hubby is blindly caring his family...


beh tahan!

xxx

Saturday Blues

i am working today and after work, we need to go back his hometown for Ching Ming, but now the plan is changed because my hubs's 2nd sister called and asked him to fetch her from Malacca to hometown all together, because she spoke that she lazy to drive all alone to hometown. and my car is small. not fit for 5 people including his sister. and his sister also spoke that we have to fetch her back to Malacca on Sunday evening as well... how trouble eh?

my hubs knew i am unhappy about it but he can not do anything. i just remain silent since that's his family. just do whatever he wants. i don't care already!

hmm...

don't know how to explain further comments about this. anyway, i just hope there are no more troubles created to me and my kids. that's all...

one more thing, i found my hubs is super childish!!!!!

i didn't say anything though when he spoke that he needs to fetch his sister back later and he was throwing his anger at me out sudden at Skype. he shot me that whatever i did for my family, he never said anything...

Fxxx!

didn't say anything????? please recall carefully whatever u have done / spoken to me*

especially every Saturdays i go to my daddy house or accompany my sister, he would complains and creates troubles more than me... refuses to talk with me and etc... my kids know about it... i really beh tahan with him already!!!!

how silly eh!

i hate this feeling!!

xxx

i become sandwich

hmm... regarding about the family issue, who else i could say apart from my dear sister? i am the eldest sister yet i am called as a brainless sister that don't know how to protect myself as well as another people.

this is not the first time such this thing happened like today. in the past, it had happened already. i am not a busybody person but i am kinda of straight-forward person who would share everything and anything without the doubts. hmm... don't know whether am i useless?

hmm... why?

my sister doesn't like i mention anything and everything she involves as it's her personal life and i don't touch her things though but i never knew her manager is that kinda of person who would spreads the news that i had shared with him recently.

i thought a businessman should be a genuine in everything and anything he does, but her manager is on the other hand, he likes to poke and spread the news to people who is not related on this issue...

when i learned this earlier, i really wanna faint already.

and i just reminded him earlier that no need to tell my sister and her colleagues as well but now i got words from my sister, sounds like i dragged into this SHIT... :(

i am kinda upset for my sister because she doesn't respect me as a sister and i knew she doesn't care whatever i do or talk to whoever but she just bears in her mind that i shall not involve her in my issue...

how ridiculous! sometimes she is kinda selfish and over-protective toward herself.

sighs...

not first time it happened...

she always scolds me many times for no reasons...

i really put on everything she did...

sometimes i fed up with her. not only her, my brother too...

too ambitious, too aggressive...

i am tired with my siblings though i love them dearly... but their attitudes really made me feel pissed off sometimes...

oh well, just words...

xxx

uninvited plan

yesterday my hubby whatsapp-ed me and telling that his all sisters would be coming down to KL this Sunday to have buffet together. i was huh..? ain't they supposed to celebrate my hubby belated birthday which falls on tomorrow? sighs, look at them... never celebrated my kids and mine but him?

now i know how they treat this way... thank you! i better remain silent for time being until will be noticed in advance if anything changes. i don't want filter any complaints now! i myself don't know how to deal with this issue since i am not that closer with them, could be pretend sometimes in order to smile widely! *touch woods*

never mind, once in a while is okay.

xxx

whacked!

yesterday i was reading with my son... and i didn't know how to pronounce the words, asking the daddy to read for him. when our son was not replying or reading, the daddy whacked him badly until he got the beaten marks at his hand and leg... how heartache i was when i saw the daddy whacked him!

frankly speaking, this daddy barely spends with the children and he has no patience to teach the children. something's wrong, he sure whacks them. without double-thinking that he actually seldom checks or studies with them. all the time, he spends on the pc, smart phone and watching entertainments.

instantly this can't blames the children because the daddy hardly to know what's up to them in school etc. all things i care yet the daddy blames me for not spending with them. hello... this is about the parenting, the parent role must be cooperation and teaching the correct ways to them NOT in a day if they can't learn a single word, gonna to whack like that? that's sooo unacceptable!

i told my son's principal as well as my daddy this morning regarding our son's beaten marks... they shocked and felt heartache for him! so do i too. i never beat my children using the rotan! only if needs to... but normally i don't beat them! that's why? the daddy said i spoilt them too much. but frankly speaking, our children are not worse and naughtier. just that the daddy seldom spends time with them, barely reading with them!!!! this can't blames the children for being like this. all learns from the parent!

oh well, i try my best but the daddy is not. although he is a father of two yet his attitudes are strongly unacceptable! because the parenting ways he gave is totally wrong. up to him if he doesn't believe and pushes all faults to me but i know what i have done. at least my children are sticking to me more than the daddy!

whatever i said, this doesn't help at all because it's difficult to change his patterns of educating the children. i think he follows his father's style whom used to beat and whack when my hubs was small. that's why there's not good about my hubs's family. none knows whats the harmony, good parenting ways and etc... at times, my hubs always blames me for spoilt our children and this caused my children don't listen to me! i admit i am not very fierce but i can reason and teach them ways to learn together. i am kinda of person don't beat or whack unless there's a reason. my hubs beats and whacks no matter if our children don't listen or what... this is really sad and our children don't really close to him. they are closer to me more than the daddy all the times... this is obviously understood..

anyway, i fed up with the way he educates our children. i just hope there's no more beat and whack!

sighs...

i felt heartache when see my son has whacked terribly. and actually i was mad with him because he refused to read. but when time to sleep. he was still standing there and the daddy went sleeping at living room without talking with him whilst i went to bed... sleeping and looking at him. he still stood there and kept quiet... like very innocent... i felt sooo heartache. i asked him where to sleep...? he still stood there without saying anything.

hence, i called him and hugging him tightly... talked to him... then sleeping with me! i know he loves me more than the daddy that's why he loves to kiss me more than the daddy :)

my boy! mummy loves u... don't worry, you are not alone, you still have me, jie jie, maternal grandparent, jiu jiu and yi yi to love u :)


xxx

unpleasant request!

yesterday i woke up at 8am but i slept back again until 10am something because my kid wanted me to wake up! To help him... =_="

okay, as usually i would check my phone and see any incoming messages? Surprisingly, my second sister-in-law sent whatsapp message to me. Called in sweet tone some more. This was unusual ways that i didn't expect that she must has something to request. Hence, i just said hi...?

then she spoke that she hoped i could cook some dishes this saturday as she would be back on saturday evening. I was unpleasant but couldn't reject her offer because this was kinda cruel for me to object and refused to cook for her since she thought she had contributed so much for us eh? In fact, not all she contributed for us. This also depended the love she dotes on all going to her own sister's children NOT my children. So why should i be nicer with her?

and not only this. She treats me nicely because of i am her brother's wife. So whatever she must be her own brother side if anything happens. Like those previous cases, where my hubs n i had terrible arguments until almost divorced. This also she said she can't listen to my side one. Must listen to both sides but she never asked my hubs about what had happened. All were gone in silence only.

Not only this second sister-in-law, another sisters-in-law are included.

Saying they miss me, all words are just words. Never see they are truly loving me and my children. but i don't mind how they treat us. I don't care. I never want to know about them much details unless some reasons only eg. the second sister-in-law had an operation recently as well as the father-in-law had his body check-up and found something's wrong but for this moment, he should be fine by now and on medicine.

Oh well, never mind, i just obey her request but for this time. Perhaps. I don't want to do for them again. Unpleasant request though and i seldom cook for my family what.

Every time going back to my hubs hometown, i could just being pretend all the time. No ways to be true one. Sighs! I am so sick of this.

Anyway, kinda okay that i don't live with them. Otherwise, i sure bang to wall everyday!

xxx