i am really blessed to have Madam as my boss... never expected that she is really an understanding boss. all the while i thought she is fierce and very sided one... but oh boy, was i wrong. she is really kind-hearted...
indeed, i supposed to pass the resign letter for her but it was reversed. after had a long chat, she asked me to keep back the letter and submit the leave letter instead. how happy i was when she mentioned it. i am touched and obviously blessed that i really have a such good boss.
it will be officially i start on leave for one month by next month to study centre's management which she allowed me to do so. at very least my existing job is here in case if anything happens, i still can go back to my current company to resume working as usual.
anyhow, i just hope the business is growing well once i take over. may everything is fine...
xxx
Friday, July 26, 2013
delay no more...
it seems delaying no more and my good colleague, WC asked me...
"have you told your hubby"
i replied, "NO, if i tell him now, there would be more objections, hence i just go ahead without his permissions..."
the time is tougher now and i knew the day would be coming...
today is public holiday yet we have to work. oh no, i can't delay anymore, i need to make up my mind by hand over the letter. the centre is awaiting me to join as soon as possible.
everything for the centre has done, just left me!!! a matter of timing!!!
looking at my close friends, they are really supporting my decision to join the centre, it is obviously no doubt for me to tender the resignation letter and starts a new life as a person in charge of the centre. yes i am... despite of my unhappy hubby who never agrees on whatever i have done, he can't stop me although he voiced out that i am selfish, never think about him, never discuss with him and etc but i can't take it anymore, if i want i must do for our better life.
otherwise, if i listen to my hubby today and don't go for it, i might be super regret 100% later on. okay, no matter what will happen later, i still determined to go for it...
i just pray HE blesses me in everything, have a surprise and miracle which would happen to me any sooner if the time permits.
i hope my family changes the mind on me... i am no longer who am i... i am the one who going to fight the own happiness and better life rather than remaining the same living where we are now...
i wanna the improvement of livings for my family as well as for my children.
because of i am able not providing whatever they want, now i wan provide them as much as i can once i have own one and i wanna give the best for my family and my siblings who always help me a lot in past, i will never forget their helps and supports. i will be there for them whenever they need.
okay what i need to do is i wanna to change the life into better one...
please...?!!
please give me the strength to change the life.... :)
and....
Madam came already but she went to R&D... :(
she seems busier than me though and i am wondering how would it be when i go to meet Madam out of sudden? perhaps she knew i wanna leaving already?
xxx
Thursday, July 25, 2013
oh dear... i am still hesitating - - -
for this very last minute, i still hesitated to hand over the letter although i have prepared the letter since on Monday until now... the letter is here but i am seem to be lost ways to think...
i started to recall the past when i was firm to fight my own and wanna leaving this company. i started to browse the business and etc... and i found the centre in Sri Petaling as i have mentioned in previous entry. oh well, i have the investor this time so i don't need to dig out my money to invest instead to wait the end of year's dividend...
but funnily is when everything is done as my cousin brother had got them done especially setting up SDN BHD, creating the company account and etc. i started to become PANIC...
the most funny when my brother was preparing a document, register as a SDN BHD company, has opened an account for the company. i suddenly felt uneasy and started to feel regret that i was mentally and physically not ready for this.
regret no use. this was already initiated. indeed it is...
the business is there...
just that i need to tender the resignation letter. but i still doubted till now...
weird.
i am so scared.
yet there are many friends support my decision to leave this company and heading the new phrase, starting a OWN business... i knew there's a lot of risks to wait but it's all depending on my hard works.
don't know if my decision to start own business is just right one for myself??!! because since day 1, when my cousin brother spoke with my hubby, he started feeling unhappy and upset, not fully supporting me 100% on my ideas on this. he kept talking that doing business is really a lot of risks and need a lot of responsible to handle this centre. not like me, he thought i am just a playful one... :(
i knew i am kinda playful one but when coming the serious matters, i thought longer and considered for our good futures. i knew there are SURE 100% ups and downs for this but for the very beginning, there are tougher times at time but everything would be fine eventually...
my closer members support me on this but i knew they only can support me and they are not doing this business though so they wouldn't understand how i feel... i am really scared, confused, uneasy and many many troubles in my mind now.... and i don't know how to overcome it...
unless there's at least a person to fully support me, but there's none.
my hubby is kinda "kiasu"... he can't accept the fact that i would start my own business. he totally disagreed. for sure.
my family?
i haven't informed them yet and i don't think they would support my decision... despite of they knew i am currently working still fine but they don't know the real situation that i have encountered now... who else can understand me?
even my hubby spoke, every business can't promise can success or not... every business has risks... but for me, if never try how i would know if it goes well?
like when i first time baked the cupcake, at beginning it was not so good but i polished my skills everyday by baking it, my skills seem to be polished well now... it's just the same basic where we need to apply our skills by practicing...
try and error, yes it is...
but now it's different...
i am about leaving the security job which promises to provide the monthly salary and living in the comfort zone. and IF i really leave this job and heading this business, it might be another story. my income might be lower than my current income and may be handling everything by myself. my current job, just design and design only. everything is already settled by them.
much differences...
so i have to think carefully but if i don't leave this job and remaining the same life style, there's no changes but getting worse years by...
why so?
our salaries really can't saved already, everything needs to be spent... so nothing left for us to save retirement accounts and i realized that our ages reach at 30an yet we have nothing to save for the future funds yet our children need use a lot of expenses to pay for their next educations eg. secondary, college or University?
that's the point i thought now...
i knew my hubby thought these too but he doesn't seem to try to make more money for now... i asked him once whether is he comfortable with his current job now? he said what to do, everywhere is same... the most important is getting the monthly salary. so do i too but i thought it is no longer working on this method because everyone like me thought to work for people can't be last forever unless the company really provides the good salary and benefits like my friend one now working in Indonesia. obviously he is traveling to every countries to work in construction field which sent by his HQ. his salary almost 50k per month... it's unbelievable and it's no doubt he is enjoying these benefits provided by his current company... the salary can cover his retirement days later. and he is not working in Malaysia though.
how wonderful he is now with this current job. and our salaries now really insufficient and i can't think where we could top up the financial for the end of month everytime we pay bills and etc...
i am going to crazy if this still keeping the same way...
no improvement at all. and my hubby likes to go luxury times such as catching up a movie, going to fast food and etc which i really wanna to cut down but can't...
*SIGHS*
so how?
i am dilemma now...
very very much....
*SAD*
life goes on anyway despite of there's no support from my close family for me.... especially my hubby, he is the most "kiasu" and coward...
:(
xxx
i started to recall the past when i was firm to fight my own and wanna leaving this company. i started to browse the business and etc... and i found the centre in Sri Petaling as i have mentioned in previous entry. oh well, i have the investor this time so i don't need to dig out my money to invest instead to wait the end of year's dividend...
but funnily is when everything is done as my cousin brother had got them done especially setting up SDN BHD, creating the company account and etc. i started to become PANIC...
the most funny when my brother was preparing a document, register as a SDN BHD company, has opened an account for the company. i suddenly felt uneasy and started to feel regret that i was mentally and physically not ready for this.
regret no use. this was already initiated. indeed it is...
the business is there...
just that i need to tender the resignation letter. but i still doubted till now...
weird.
i am so scared.
yet there are many friends support my decision to leave this company and heading the new phrase, starting a OWN business... i knew there's a lot of risks to wait but it's all depending on my hard works.
don't know if my decision to start own business is just right one for myself??!! because since day 1, when my cousin brother spoke with my hubby, he started feeling unhappy and upset, not fully supporting me 100% on my ideas on this. he kept talking that doing business is really a lot of risks and need a lot of responsible to handle this centre. not like me, he thought i am just a playful one... :(
i knew i am kinda playful one but when coming the serious matters, i thought longer and considered for our good futures. i knew there are SURE 100% ups and downs for this but for the very beginning, there are tougher times at time but everything would be fine eventually...
my closer members support me on this but i knew they only can support me and they are not doing this business though so they wouldn't understand how i feel... i am really scared, confused, uneasy and many many troubles in my mind now.... and i don't know how to overcome it...
unless there's at least a person to fully support me, but there's none.
my hubby is kinda "kiasu"... he can't accept the fact that i would start my own business. he totally disagreed. for sure.
my family?
i haven't informed them yet and i don't think they would support my decision... despite of they knew i am currently working still fine but they don't know the real situation that i have encountered now... who else can understand me?
even my hubby spoke, every business can't promise can success or not... every business has risks... but for me, if never try how i would know if it goes well?
like when i first time baked the cupcake, at beginning it was not so good but i polished my skills everyday by baking it, my skills seem to be polished well now... it's just the same basic where we need to apply our skills by practicing...
try and error, yes it is...
but now it's different...
i am about leaving the security job which promises to provide the monthly salary and living in the comfort zone. and IF i really leave this job and heading this business, it might be another story. my income might be lower than my current income and may be handling everything by myself. my current job, just design and design only. everything is already settled by them.
much differences...
so i have to think carefully but if i don't leave this job and remaining the same life style, there's no changes but getting worse years by...
why so?
our salaries really can't saved already, everything needs to be spent... so nothing left for us to save retirement accounts and i realized that our ages reach at 30an yet we have nothing to save for the future funds yet our children need use a lot of expenses to pay for their next educations eg. secondary, college or University?
that's the point i thought now...
i knew my hubby thought these too but he doesn't seem to try to make more money for now... i asked him once whether is he comfortable with his current job now? he said what to do, everywhere is same... the most important is getting the monthly salary. so do i too but i thought it is no longer working on this method because everyone like me thought to work for people can't be last forever unless the company really provides the good salary and benefits like my friend one now working in Indonesia. obviously he is traveling to every countries to work in construction field which sent by his HQ. his salary almost 50k per month... it's unbelievable and it's no doubt he is enjoying these benefits provided by his current company... the salary can cover his retirement days later. and he is not working in Malaysia though.
how wonderful he is now with this current job. and our salaries now really insufficient and i can't think where we could top up the financial for the end of month everytime we pay bills and etc...
i am going to crazy if this still keeping the same way...
no improvement at all. and my hubby likes to go luxury times such as catching up a movie, going to fast food and etc which i really wanna to cut down but can't...
*SIGHS*
so how?
i am dilemma now...
very very much....
*SAD*
life goes on anyway despite of there's no support from my close family for me.... especially my hubby, he is the most "kiasu" and coward...
:(
xxx
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
3 days to go...
my hubby was in Taiwan a few days ago which i had sent him to airport last Saturday... he is scheduled to come back this Thursday morning at 4am in wee hour, anyhow i shall fetch him back after 7am because it's not convenient to fetch him in wee hour plus the highway to airport is quite dark and quiet. it's not safe though for me to drive all alone with two growing-up children in the car...
oh well, just skip this topic, my hubby shall thinks how to get back to here without get me to drive there. kinda concerns the safety the most now as we all knew Malaysia safety is not proper to be handled as there are many cases to happen everyday.
oh well, as i have planned to have my own biz but it seems i even more doubt than being firm to make a decision and i knew i am totally a loser in this matter :(
i need someone to encourage and support me whenever i need the most for now...
please?!
worried, doubted, double thought and etc all happened to me...
but these are meaningless because i haven't started yet and haven't known the real result afterward...?
mmm...
how silly i am...
sighs...
xxx
oh well, just skip this topic, my hubby shall thinks how to get back to here without get me to drive there. kinda concerns the safety the most now as we all knew Malaysia safety is not proper to be handled as there are many cases to happen everyday.
oh well, as i have planned to have my own biz but it seems i even more doubt than being firm to make a decision and i knew i am totally a loser in this matter :(
i need someone to encourage and support me whenever i need the most for now...
please?!
worried, doubted, double thought and etc all happened to me...
but these are meaningless because i haven't started yet and haven't known the real result afterward...?
mmm...
how silly i am...
sighs...
xxx
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
2 weeks is the hectic period...
oh well, it seems i have neglected my dear BLOG for past 2 weeks due to busy with many things such as convention, company trip, painting the new house, etc... it was real busier in past weeks and i had not having a good rest of myself though... :(
ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...
yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...
sounds sad huh??? :(
so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*
up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company... oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...
my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs*
this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*
what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(
no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?
by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....
no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....
*long winded*
sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind. just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...
even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...
see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....
no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...
my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(
useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!
never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!
once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...
SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!
please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...
it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....
VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!
beh tahan!
"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "
i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around.... why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.
*sighs, very upset indeed!*
xxx
ups and downs, i have been gone all the ways just to get myself a good one but it seems delayed as i was interrupted by many things causing i have missed them. oh well, never mind as it seems has been taken good care by my cousin brother on the centre issue with the owner. and guess what? i had just signed the documents which has sent by my cousin brother last Wednesday that he collected from the company secretary in Damansara Utama. as i knew once i signed, i can't pull out in last minute as i NEED to step forward and restart the new chapter. i knew the new beginning, my financial may be not as much as now, but if old folks spoke "tougher at beginning and will be smooth at last"... so if i have made up my mind, i shall move on the phrase of life... can't change or stop at nowhere it is...
yeah i am still remaining at grey zone now... hardly to change because i am scared. i admitted i wanted to change the life but i never acted too... so all the while was just doing the talks only... no actions at all...
sounds sad huh??? :(
so this time, my dear friend, WW and my dear cousin brother PC seem to push me although i am not totally ready but i still want to move on... *long sighs*
up to today, i haven't tendered my resignation letter to my current company... it seems i have no reason why i need to leave? funny? but i have my own plans already and i can't forever working with this current company... oh well, let's see how first as i need to tender in 1 week time... as i NEED to start at my centre very soon possibly in August... scared wei...
my brother had sold his BMW car and bought new car AUDI brand... his new car price is almost same as my new house price... O_O i also don't understand why he is getting richer than me? :( this year he bought new house in Sierra 16 as well as Audi car too... *sighs*
this year is slight difficult for me because we had just bought new house as well as i NEED to start my business too... everything happens too fast and i knew my hubby was not happy about my intuitions to have my own business because he was worried about the "future financial" which i may be not providing the expenses as usual... *face-palm*
what kind of this husband is he???? he is the MAN of this family yet he so worried for everything? i am sick of this!!!! :(
no matter how, i still would move on my plans without doubts. i believe if i move on it may be change the life to better than now? i guess? i planned this because in the future my brother would move into his new house in Sierra 16 and no longer staying at current place now, it may takes a long way to travel to his new place from my place as i need my parent to take care my kids but now i have double thinking about it because next year my youngest child would be going to Standard 1 and who would fetches him to school by that time? many things need to be considered now and i can't longer relying on my parents.
perhaps once i start with my own business, my timing may be flexible and i can personally send and pick my child from school as well as i can take care them by my own in my centre as well. they can learn together with another children right?
by this way, it may save my costs that i had spent too much for my two kids to nursery and daycare & tuition... in case my parent is going back to hometown for holiday? maybe one month? or more? who knows? and i also can't rely on my siblings either. my sister has a child to taken care and my brother has his own things to taken care... although i knew they may help me whenever i need but i can't always do that often. i need to plan for myself as well as for my children too....
no matter how it may be more difficult that i expected but i still try my best to improve for my family's good sake in the future... i just need everyone to support me that's all....
*long winded*
sometimes i feel my hubby is not going to help me... for sure because i knew his attitude. just like the case, the policies i bought for my children, i never asked for his permission but going to buy for them, the conclusion today is he never pays any cents for the children's policies... only i bear the costs for them. so it's okay. i chosen this. never mind. just let him be... no matter how hard it will be, i will try to solve the problems and thinking how to get the money to pay the policies...? i admitted my monthly salary from my current company is always insufficient... i have always back up from my own savings in case if i have no enough money to pay from my salaried account one...
even worse, my siblings chosen the expensive restaurant for my daddy birthday this week, i am afford not to tell that i can't pay more but just agreed like that because i don't want they talk / ask me why i no money and etc... because they don't understand my real situation, of course they always talk etc why i can't save money, why no money, save money, etc... they are not in my shoes how they know if i really have money or not... even worse, i bear the costs all myself... my hubby only pays the certain costs only NOT paying all! he will not pay my portions... he just pays the children things or certain things only...
see??? i am really very troubled now but nobody understands me!!! even my siblings, my parent,...? how i can tell everyone about my real problems when they look at my situation is totally different? better no need tell... i keep them in myself is ok.... i shall think how to solve the problems by myself in case if nobody helps me... it's ok... never mind....
no matter how poorer i am, i shall not let my children lack of foods. only for my children. not for my hubby ok...
my hubby always said i don't know how to save the money? how to save the money when i need to pay the expenses? if he has money also he will not help one instead of complains more even worse.... my children knew this so well. so? since my hubby said i am selfish, he is following my step to be even more selfish... :(
useless fella though!!! if he does like this why wanna to be a husband and daddy? really beh tahan!
never mind as i said... the life is really challenging my patience thru this phrase... have a husband like him really challenging my mental and physical mind because his attitude, his thinking, his character, his ways of talking, his ways of treating me, and etc are very childish if he is in a bad mood or anger mood... super childish!!!!!!!!!
once he is angry or what, he can just ignores me totally and never cares about my safety and etc... when he is in a good mood, he will getting worried about my safety and etc... like this recent week, he scolded me because i went to his office all alone although i knew the case had happened in his work place such the rob, rape and etc...
SO?????? THIS IS NOT I WANT.... THE BIG PROBLEM IS HIS ATTITUDE!!!! very stupid!
please do proper ways if he really cares me no matter if he angry or what, this is what he should does not to IGNORE ME...
it seems i am not his wife if he is in anger mood!!!! WTF! only those closer people knew how he used to treat me previously....
VERY STUPID!!!!!!!!!
beh tahan!
"please don't care me very much if you angry me! stupid! i don't need this way.... "
i am independent and i can take care myself when he is not around.... why he started to worried and cautious when there are cases happening? i don't need that larr.... since he doesn't seem to be sincere to take care me! very stupid.
*sighs, very upset indeed!*
xxx
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