a hectic week...

wow... it has been a week plus since i last blogged last week... oh well i was really busier that week! guess what? i have joined the entrepreneur course last week which was scheduled on 11st-14th May at HQ, Kuala Lumpur... i went there by taking LRT rather than driving all the ways to KL... as everyone knew KL traffic was pretty bad eh... i rather save my cost, petrol and energy! hehe...

oh well i was back to school life as a student for 4 days course... i really missed those school / college days!!! i left school more than 10 years... anyway, bits more to feel like a student temporarily... hehe... i got to know many friends thru course and they also wanted to be entrepreneurs too...

good eh?

by the way, i have 2-3 course mates contact in touch although there was created a whatsapp group with 50 contacts of course mates... so far i contact 3 of them most for now...

i was blessed to know them because they were able to share the variety of problems... so that i could learn from them...

i joined this course with my own expenses... without any sponsors! i also don't have any supports from my family and my hubs too...

all the 4 days courses, i was busy with myself whilst my hubs brought the kids out to FRIM and shopping malls... and he never text-ed me no matter where they went or so... NEVER! and even worse when they came back from FRIM another day, my hubs never asked or text-ed me to ask me if i would like to eat anything instead of buying themselves and took away to home... too bad eh?

hmm... never mind, i had a light dinner earlier at my dad place but at least try to send a message to ask what, where, who, which and how about me but he never, never did so... i did not know what was on his mind, seemed never cared me at all when i went for a course in 4 days... he never asked me what time to finish and etc... especially on Saturday, when i went for a course... he went out with the children, never sent messages to me and asking what time to finish the course and what time to leave and etc, instead of going to FRIM! that time i was on LRT and whatsapp-ing him, asking him where was he now... he replied that he was in the car on the way to FRIM... *speechless* and asking me going there by myself, i didn't feel wanna go there though and back to my dad place since my sis was there....   i was heartbroken because he never informed me.... *long sighs*  so bad eh? :(

even on Mother day, he also never wished me cos he spoke that he was not the one should wishing and this celebration was specially for the children to wish and thankful for me... i found this was ridiculous because i am a wife and a mother too, ain't he should feel thankful for me doing duties as a wife and a mother at same time, gave him two lovely kids? didn't he feel appreciate this way eh? so selfish fella!!! even wanna celebrated the Mother day after my course, he showed the long face... seemed like being forced to celebrate... :(

not a first time, it was happening once my birthday this early year... he also never felt happy to celebrate, complained that he just came back from outstation still wanna going out to celebrate, said i didn't know how much tiring he was and bla blaa.... i noticed he really had no heart or intention to celebrate my birthday so did this Mother day celebration... even wanna gave present which i wished also he showed the long face...

not sincere at all....  :(

too bad eh?

and we were having the Mother day lunch with my family on Sunday, my daughter asked me what time i finish the course, i replied was about 4.50pm or 5pm like that and she told me that she has asked daddy about it, guess what? my hubs said i finished course at 8pm...

hello, i never told him that i finish the course at 8pm lar... he was purposely telling like that to my daughter... so bad eh...

and my hubs never reminded me to be careful on the road during taking the LRT etc... he just never cared whatever i did since i have chosen this path to attend the course that i have paid which he spoke it was not a good idea since he himself also went to many courses for free that provided by his company and i spoke that was not same... sighs....

i asked him what did he learn during the training? he didn't say anything though... never mind... this is my choice to learn more about the course, it's okay to pay... i think it's still worth for my future investment though...

i realized that my hubs is not real fully supporting whatever i do...

until a very last day of the course, the thing went on and nothing changed. he never congratulated me for finishing the course and etc... he just took this as nothing happened....

*speechless*


how much heartbroken did i have now? do anyone know how much disappointments and upset i have been gone thru now????

why did i have a husband like him? never appreciate and never thankful one!!!

:(


xxx

here is TGIF - - -

it's Friday again... can't imagine it flies so fast in a week time... yet there are ways to achieve! oh well, i was worrying about how would i take off for two days by next week to attend the course? since there are darn a lot of jobs due to convention things... but i am determined to take leave! no choice... perhaps it's a wrong timing to happen and the course is not always happening. hence, i must attend for this course.

oh well, i have told my hubs about this and he asked is...

"this fee rm500 for this course... u paid?"

i answered "yeah? i will bear my responsibility..."

and he said after this - -  "if u got no extra money later on, don't even ask me to help.... you said you bear the responsibility on this...? 

sounded like very selfish, never helped me!

i still remember when he became a full time freelancer, always no income sometimes, i bore all the expenses and sometimes i never complained, i was thick face to ask for helps such like borrowing the money from my sister, my friends and even worse from my sisters-in-law... i didn't return the money to them because they understood my situations but as for my sisters-in-law, i have to return to them as they would think i was purposely not returning to them as they look at my things like i was afford to buy but not afford to return to them plus my hubs kept forcing / warning me to return back to them...

is better to return to them, afterward i will no more owe with them, less burdens on me... only my siblings and my friends of mine only i can return for anytime once i really afford to pay settlements... hope so...

*finger-crossed*

by the way, i think i would travel all the way to HQ, KL by myself... either taking the LRT or driving myself to there, i also asked my hubs to fetch me there on weekend but he asked me go myself better. because he can't wait longer plus he needs to take care the kids... is okay for me, that's understandable and i just need a little support from him.. *long sighs*

oh well, i just hope i am able to follow the course later...

yay, i finally got the approval for two days leave by next week but of course i have to bring the assignments back home to work :(

because i was purposely lying that i took leave to take care the kids and my parent is going to travel... but i really have no choice. otherwise, they would not allow me going since there are a lot of jobs to do for coming convention soon... aiyoo... this is a real busier period now... *face-palm*

but is okay, i lied once in a while... just to attend the course! hope this is worth for me! long breathe...

i am slightly worried about this weekend... wondering this weekend would be busier for me. and another 2 days after weekend might be busier to me as well... oh well, i haven't settled my HLB current account... i was real busier today, gotta to send my car to service and had late lunch with my hubs and came in office late, got the scoldings by A... i am really tension!

therefore, i haven't settled the deposit with the owner yet! :(

i am real busier this week...

xxx

Program Inkubator Usahawan Siswazah (PIUS)

yesterday i was purposely to skip working because i really wanted to visit a few banks to get more details about the start-up business loan or taking over the existing business needs the fund to invest. but i have no modals at all...  furthermore, the childcare owner has been urged me to pay the deposit 5k to convert the SSM ownership.

*headache*

i really need their supports especially my hubs and my family but none of them would give me supports mentally and physically because they only remind me to work well here which i absolutely don't like to be salaried forever. no choice if they refuse to support what i want to do... i need to face it all by myself.

for this time, i really feel the heavy pressures at my shoulders... apart from this course, centre and the financials, i also face another issues like my family thinkings about me... doubts me and would not encourage me to do so since i have the kids, they don't allow me to drag the kids to get hungry together in case if i can't make money... this is very wrong!

everyone has their own dreams to chase / achieve... is it? why i can't? is it because i have a family doesn't mean i shall not chase my dreams? what's wrong about this?

oh well, i had enough already with this life... i need move to a better life by changing the life if possible... who knows? anyway every impossible may becomes possible if we believe ourselves to do... yeah we can?!! why not?

anyway...

i need the supports for now...

please...

okay back to topics...

after a few weeks i did the home works such like google-ing about the SME Banks, Commercial Banks, Personal Loans and etc... eventually i have decided to seek more informations by face-to-face with the banks.

1st destination was OCBC bank which locates at Bandar Puteri, Puchong and i seek Miss Akemi, Business Development Manager. she was really friendly and helpful... but nothing was better for me after she introduced Mr Phillip for me. he advised me to seek another banks since OCBC bank is small organization and may not help.

and i went to another destination at Standard Character Bank which is just a few block from OCBC bank... after all the banks are all close by. yes, there are a lot of banks around there. i spoke with guys and introduced me with Mr Yaris. we almost filled and signed but i reserved myself and telling him to hold first. i haven't decided to apply that loans. since i need to do more home works. there's still way of solutions to go... hence, hold first and i went to the next destination which was the last bank i visited is SME Bank in Shah Alam... i was almost late to reach at 4pm, thought it would be closed. boy, was i wrong. it still opened until 5.30pm. i was gladly reaching there. and seeking the consultant there and they were pretty helpful and friendly :)

thru the discussions, i learned that SME Bank which is provided by Government to help the entrepreneurs to build the business either start-up business, taking over or currently operated to expand the business. but if i wanna apply the loan, i have to attend the course to get qualify for that... but the course would be starts this week... *face-palm*

i was thinking how to solve this matter? my hubs would not allow me to go for this course because this course would be provided in HQ, KL... for 4 days yes!!! *touch-wood*

i was thinking longer... i shall not giving up for this since this is a gold opportunity! oh well, i can't let it go... but i still thought how to settle this matter with my hubs later... *long sighs*

i am sure i would be getting the real objections from my hubs as well as my family since they don't support me to achieve my dreams... :(

too bad eh?

oh well, i have submitted the form to HQ and hoping i could make this move!!!

*finger-crossed*


xxx