pondering for a while...

to think my marriage is aged 10 years already... yet everything remains the same especially the hubs. he never changed the attitude... even worse! he doesn't respect me and always scolds me for no reasons. such as we had a dinner yesterday for my 2nd uncle birthday. when i was busy with my nephew, he scolded me that i was busy with my nephew and neglected my own son and my son refused to eat. he scolded me with NO SOUND, no wonder everyone didn't notice that he was actually scolded me. i just  bear it silently because that time were a plenty of guests in my uncle's birthday dinner... i just kept quiet and just acted like nothing despite of my heartbroken! he never helped me but asked me to do this and that...

what the F...

hmm... i wonder whether is he the right one for me after many years? we have no mutual understandings and when i tried to communicate with him, he refused to talk and saying there's nothing to be talked about...

we are not the man and wife? then why we can't discuss at all? very hard to talk with him as every time i rise the issue, he would push me like that... i am really disappointed. indeed...

but what can i do?

i knew i have wasted time for myself so much... wasted my time for this useless guy! for many years...

i really don't know what to do...

i wanted to share with my family but i found this is not a good idea because since i am married to this guy, my family has been worried for me and my kids until now as this guy doesn't treat me in those good ways... we have been argued, fought and even divorce (but we didn't make it at last).... my family has been witnessed the whole stories of us...

i felt guilty sometimes because i made my family worried more!

i am an adult yet still make people worried for me... i feel unhappy... and i feel sad for my children as their daddy couldn't do the best duty as a father instead of beat them, showing the wrong ways how to teach them...

beat, whack and scolds them without teaching them what is the right what is the wrong. like the case, when my son kicked his big sister, the daddy kicked him back without telling him whats is the wrong! OMG...  sighs...

i feel very troubled right now...

like the whole stories in fact he is bullying me!

like everything he does is correct whilst i am wrong... he never admits when he did the mistakes and can acts like nothing happens... he shoots me like that without checking what actually happened... if i lose my tempers during shopping, he could just leave me and the kids alone, and more...

and i really can't take it anymore... like i spoke in previous entry, i just wait the right time...

my heart is quite sank now...



xxx