oh well, this relationship issue... i couldn't complain more or less right now... the ways we handled may be either positive or negative, perhaps we didn't realize... but when there was created any troubles, of course any of us would blame each other during the critic time...
to think about my past... although we had bad arguments or fought in the past, don't blame me for behaving such those ways, i actually learned from you!
i do thinking about how we used to love and care when he was in good moods. if he was not good in the mood, another story! for such long thoughts, if he is remaining the same without any changes...
i shall change my whole life because i can't take any longer to live with him... i knew he has tried his best to provide the best for this family BUT what i meant is he doesn't try his best to improve more himself instead of remaining the same... i don't mind if he wants to play the Gundam thingy and his stuffs, i just hope he works harder more bit. he is a head of this family yet his income is not that made much more or less...
sometimes he is selfishly handling the money... he doesn't believe my money management, so i don't want to comment on this. i don't know how he uses his money, i don't know whether does he has any savings for now?
as i knew, he never provides any contributions for our children's policies, tuition fees and depends on what things? mostly they are bear by me and myself... i knew my salary may not covered everything but i tried my very best to cover... for my daughter tuition fee, yeah he does contribute but less than the actual amounts... i paid more than him indeed... just that he doesn't know the fact but loves to blame me for never saving any cents instead of spending too much...
do i?
but he doesn't know what is my real situation.... he keeps blaming me, never thinks properly about me and the children's future...
i provide the tuition fee for my daughter no matter how hard i am but i want my daughter to know how important the educations, because this only can helps her to create the bright future... of course i don't intend to let my children to follow their daddy's step as their daddy is not good in academics... can say he is powerful in chinese only, not the rest of subjects... i admit he is intelligent but in skills only NOT FOR THE ACADEMICS.
i do remember how much sacrifice did my late mummy has done for my siblings and myself... this is what i saluted her as a great mummy in my heart...
my hubs always teases me because i am kinda stingy on spending on things i really love but never purchase... i actually want to save and sacrifice my money for my children's good sakes such like tuitions, insurances and something i could provide for them...
after 10 years, i realize my hubs actually has never understand me deeply and better... NEVER. that is why, sometimes i am just a stranger to him although in the house or anywhere, i am in a status as a wife to him but the real life is NOT that kind... look at the ways how he treats me?
i do everything including, doing laundry, bring the kids to bath, cooking, mopping, driving, and many more than i could do... yet i am never been appreciated... but much more like a maid... he never feel grateful for everything i have done in 10 years... i am very tiring... indeed.
i never see he really appreciates me... even if got but what is that? could it be he treats me the lunch or what? he gives me any presents very very rare... treats me the lunch or dinner also depends... most of times, we pay AA... when my birthday, he shows the long black face especially this recent month which my birthday is categorized. he does remember how to celebrate our children birthday but NOT me... i never see how he plan or celebrate me in special ways... every time also very dull...
actually i don't mind to do all... i just hope he cares, loves and help me no matter what... but he never helps me... he said if he is not around one day, i have to do myself... i found this is rather weird because it's normal if i need a help why not? sometimes i find that he is really strange! i am a wife, why can't help me? even my family will help me? why so?
his family is not really helping me... sometimes only... i remember there was once we had the tea break near kopitiam in his hometown... we were a whole family. and the hubs was sitting very far there whilst i was carrying my son who was sleeping on my lap. i asked him to help me to order.. he just asked me to order myself... and his sisters didn't ask me what i want... they just kept quiet... i was bloody mad already... i refused to order at last... no mood already!
to think about these things really make me upset sometimes...
today i feel cool down but i don't feel wanna talk much with him already... in the house we may be strangers each other and sleeping separate ways. i don't know how long it would takes, i think very soon...
anyway i fed up already. he doesn't want to improve the communication but blamed me in many things. i find this is really ridiculous!
thinks he is right in everything?
agree?
xxx
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