Saturday Rantings~~~

yeah i am back to work!!! it's a half day working right now and oh well i came in office slightly late earlier because i needed to attend the parent day at my son's kindergarten whilst collecting the report book as well as his progress books during 5 months (January to this month)... funnily, we were not allowed to take the report book and progress books back instead of signing the report book on the spot after spoke with the teacher... O_O

why? in the past, we were used to collect and brought back... after checked, we would return to the kindergarten just like that... this rules changed eh?

oh well i don't see any improvements on my son's studies in kindergarten BUT those teachers kept praising how much good of my son was during class in these past 5 months.... funny is it? and as i knew my son is able to read but not that much like his sister who was in kindergarten 6 years ago very well-done in studies. how come both of my kids reversed....??!!!

hmm... many questions in my mind why my both kids are much different even from the kindergarten??!!

either my daughter was a fast learner and able to cope everything or my son is a boy, he might cope slowly compared to a girl???!!!

perhaps it is...?

i am not sure either BUT i just hope both of my kids are doing well in many things such as academics, skills, IQ, EQ and etc... not that demands more on them, just hope they are achieving on what they want...

right now, i am worried the MOST are both of my kids...

my eldest one, she is now standard 5 yet she seems so lazier even worse than me when i was in primary... i also don't know how she coped in the school / tuition class? i don't know until which level did she reach in the progressing?? any improvements??? after i sent her to tuition?

this really most worried to me...  not only my eldest, my youngest as well... next year he would be enroll to standard one but yet he seems could copes the most of all studies... kinda slower bit...

what should i do now?

sigh...

i am really worried of them...

BUT...

my hubs never worries about that of course because he never cares about how are their progressing in studies so far, he knows how to play... a slight bad role as a daddy!.. but it's okay if playing in once in a while but not that too often eh?

he always open the cartoon movies and watching together, neglecting the timing which they suppose to study... especially at night time... *face-palm*

i am as a mummy also feeling that i am totally fail in doing a duty as a mummy which should set a good example to my kids... instead of i myself also wrong... that's why my all doings bits to more has been giving a negative impression to my kids...

that's why i have planned to set up a child care centre so that i could act as a mother as well being a teacher to them in the same time, at least i am be there for them when they need me the most...

i hope i am... and it's under progressing to get the centre... BUT now i am encountering big problems, i have a difficult dealing with the owner of centre... she kept insisting me to pay the deposit 5k a few days ago and i was heartbroken because i had to take out my children's savings to pay the deposit, i took it as a help... i had promised myself when i earn back, i ought to repay back to my children's double savings in the future.

no choice, the owner seems never understand my situation, and sometimes she speaks that she never thinks that i could get the loan... WHAT? she never give any documents, how to support my proposal to present later? how idiot lar...

anyway if she still behaves like that, i shall shoot her at one time and asking her to refund all back to me and i shall cancel my plans on buying her centre! i really suffer and very pressure after i determined to buy her centre but it seems haven't reach the level where i supposed to... still half way... i stucked at nowhere it is...?????????

yesterday she text-ed me, asked me if i would like to fix the signboard and stickers for the centre...? i was surprising because i haven't prepared any proposals now and she asked me to pay this and that?

what the HELL she talked... and i have not become 100% belonging to this centre, i can't suppose to pay this and that right? what a hilarious it is.... :(

i told her that if i wan modify or add some for the centre, all things must be in proposal so that i could claim from this proposal since i have paid 5k deposit which i might not claim back... i don't know which phrase does she not understand in this proposal? i wonder whether has she heard about SME Bank? why not she tries to google and study what is the SME Bank instead of pushing me like shit???!!! as what i have learned, if i submit the proposal beforehand and i had paid the deposit, i can't claim the deposit back from the loan i applied unless after i submitted the proposal and paying the deposit as well, this can be claimed! how supposed she understand this simple concept? i also told her to wait for 60 days from the date i submit the proposal, in case if it is approved either before 60 days, that's good already otherwise, have to work harder then!!!! it's all depending on her if she is willing to wait.... OR she could just refund everything to me and i shall return all to her...

be fair! that's all - - -

at times, i notice she was kinda rushing... *face-palm* i am kinda feeling hard to deal with her and her husband indeed... how stupid ways it go... sighs...

i am sure she never studied about it, that's why she always talked negative things with me which really pissed me off all the times.... i can't imagined that i met a super fussy owner right now. i recalled i have met another owner in Puchong one, she was kind-hearted and never forced me, she understood my situation, she tried to help me whatever it could be... BUT too bad i didn't buy her centre because her centre is currently no longer operating and this meant i have to start all over again, i don't think i could take up this risk... by the way this current owner really fussy!!! and never understands me...

could she understand me? she never gives me any chances for me rather than pushing me to dead roads... which i really beh tahan until now... but i am very patient with her styles... not until max...

oh well... not only her, her husband also SAME... both of them always think i can't get the loan and etc BUT why they will sell me? if they want to sell me, they should give me some time to settle things and helping me to prepare important documents rather than delaying... is it?

i supposed to prepare the proposal and submitting on Monday yet she doesn't e-mail any documents? that really pissed off me... i wonder sometimes if they really wanna test my challenges? i bet they challenge my patiences and mentally mind of mine!!!! sighs...

sometimes i hard to breathe...

i even help them to create the blog as well as FB too but look at this situation now... what is this about?

shall i go ahead or just giving up???

i really totally "give-up" but i have some good friends to encourage and support me but i don't think i could facing the most crazier situation now... my family and my hubs don't know about this matter, only my eldest daughter and my some of friends knew about this...

seriously, today is Saturday, suppose to be relax but i can't... thinking many things plus i have many things to settle such as need to fetch my daughter at school 6.30pm later and going to attend my nephew's first birthday party and etc...

my mind seems has not been peace now... keeps thinking and worrying like shit...

oh well, i knew some friends from the course which i had attended last week, we shared the problems together, i found he has the problems as well but i think he can settles it easily because his situation is not same as mine...

mine a bit complicated though but i don't know shall i go ahead or...?

please help me!!!

i totally lose now...

:(



xxx