a few days away for my 11st years of Wedding anniversary - - -

a few days away for my 11st years of Wedding anniversary, yet i think it couldn't happen in reality... after 10 years of being with him, it remains the same. nothing changes and i believe he never feels the real of losing someone he loves the most... that's for sure but to think whether am i the one who he really loves the most now?

NO...

why so?

i don't see the way he really treats me as a wife instead of bullying me everytime. my family can see the ways he treats me but they could not doing anything because he is my husband, he may has the right to scold me... perhaps? or i am the one who have chosen him as my long term partner despite to know how terrible he is...

supposed to end the relationship in the past 10 years but it never happened.

i was supposing to leave him during the courtships but eventually it happened an accident. thought it would changes after having the child. boy, was i wrong, it got worse that we argued and fought almost everyday since having the first child... hard to breathe when recalled those times... very sad!

perhaps that time we were naive and young, i was not totally stable yet and i needed him so much and it remained again until now...

i also didn't understand that so much why it happened to me?

i am suffering and nobody knows how i felt... whilst my hubs is pretty stable since everyone knew that he is married to me who has disability so they thought it might be problems of mine not him?

hmm... not easy right?

and his stubborness really challenges my patiences everytimes but i still patient over what happens.

i think i am tired already now...

shall i end of this problem?

ask myself whether could i be even stronger to live on without him around? i think should be because i have my children to support me... perhaps! May God blesses us always...

a few days away yet i am thinking about it... why? seems i care about wedding anniversaries so much? but does he think about it? i don't know and i found this is not important to him indeed... perhaps... because he spoke once that i always make him angry and etc... so what point if he wanna remembers this anniversary?

sighs... what a silly thinking...

i am so tired now...



xxx