today is 31st of January, an end of this month yet i have unloaded jobs to complete before tomorrow...
tomorrow is a public holiday but not for me... for Kuala Lumpur state only! bleh... *
Happy Federal Territory Day for those people who are working in Wilayah Persekutuan!!!
oh well, the month passes by so fast, a week to go... for CNY celebration already! can't believe the time flies faster.... anyway, i admit i am not soo shiok about CNY because i have to go back his hometown! bleh.... never mind, once or twice in a blue moon will do.
this year, i am targeting to get a house of very own! so does my hubs! i hope everything sails smoothly on our sides here... i don't wish any problems / troubles come to us! God bless everything!
i also hope my family get well, healthier, happier and wiser ahead... especially for my dear children as well as my love nephew Julian :) i love them very much indeed... hehe...
okay, i shall plan more to reschedule my family life to get better since we would get a house very soon, we might face the unexpected things that we don't wish later on... and i also try to improve the relationship with the hubs although there's difficulty in communication between me and him...
think how to make more money?
just learned that the hubs's salary has just increased 2% only!!! O_o
(facepalm)
i am wondering whether do i???
still waiting....
xxx
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
the cabinets
about the cabinets?
i posted the previous entry which is dated on 11st January, oh well... i thought after i got the cabinets and everything would be tidier even... boy, was i wrong!!!! a day before the hubs came back, i went to look for an old friend and purchased two cabinets with the cheapest price after i have been up and down searching at Tesco, Giant, Carrefour and furniture shops but not met my demands.
no choice, back to my old friend's furniture shop and he gave the best price with good cabinets!
yeah thanks to him to deliver them to my apartment at that night... :)
in fact, the hubs suggested to get a cabinet for our daughter to place the books... he never expected me to buy more and never consulted with him though... at last he never paid for this, i bore all the expenses! like that... he was angry when i updated with him about the cabinets a very moment he reached home...
and he was super calculative about the financial burden...
i really beh tahan...
in my mind, actually if there's financial burden, find more! not rely on the bonus only! i really pissed off with him!
he is a guy yet kinda lazier! plus coward! he keeps asking me to settle a business of mine but what about him? i really faint...
oh well... this cabinets are paid by ME... and he never contributed at all... obviously it is... goes with the policies, he wouldn't contributes some for the children's policy!
*touch woods*
xxx
i posted the previous entry which is dated on 11st January, oh well... i thought after i got the cabinets and everything would be tidier even... boy, was i wrong!!!! a day before the hubs came back, i went to look for an old friend and purchased two cabinets with the cheapest price after i have been up and down searching at Tesco, Giant, Carrefour and furniture shops but not met my demands.
no choice, back to my old friend's furniture shop and he gave the best price with good cabinets!
*this for my kitchen*
*this for the girl*
yeah thanks to him to deliver them to my apartment at that night... :)
in fact, the hubs suggested to get a cabinet for our daughter to place the books... he never expected me to buy more and never consulted with him though... at last he never paid for this, i bore all the expenses! like that... he was angry when i updated with him about the cabinets a very moment he reached home...
and he was super calculative about the financial burden...
i really beh tahan...
in my mind, actually if there's financial burden, find more! not rely on the bonus only! i really pissed off with him!
he is a guy yet kinda lazier! plus coward! he keeps asking me to settle a business of mine but what about him? i really faint...
oh well... this cabinets are paid by ME... and he never contributed at all... obviously it is... goes with the policies, he wouldn't contributes some for the children's policy!
*touch woods*
xxx
revert back and updates!
finally i revert back every blogs i had blogged in previous days... anyway there's nothing to be hidden and this is a fact where i shall go thru... a real big challenge in my life... not once in a time... but for years!
when i thought i blogged many things such like complains, upset, disappointed, unhappy.... all about my hubs, who else i can share apart from my precious blog? because i knew although i share with people, they still can't help because the hubs is the one who i have chosen and i have to live in these paths no matter what happens? if i can take it?
i admit i can't take it anymore because i really can't breathe so hard... depressed for sometimes... thought a lot.... pondering a lot...
yesterday i had a conversation with Jenny.
i realized she is really a smart lady!
in fact my hubs looked for the G-shock watch...
he spoke that in Malaysia sells at highest price compared to US price which is converted to a few bucks only... around 400 like that... hence, he asked me as if i got any friends live in US and coming back recently?
suddenly i thought of my sis's hubs's parent were there for holidays and living in Jenny place (my sis's sis in law whom is living in US right now). hence i whatsapp-ed her and asking her if her parent still there or on the way back to Malaysia, that time was at end of December, supposed to be... never knew they came back so fast...
oh well, lost of the opportunity to get the help...
back... when we were at Tropicana Mall for a window shopping, the hubs still peeped the store for G-shock... he assumed it is still more expensive though but if anything happens on the watch in case he purchases one day, how to send for the warranty when the watch is purchased in US? he asked me to inform jenny not to purchase already. x
2-3 days later, the hubs changed the mind and fortunately i didn't inform jenny regarding the hubs changed the mind and cancelled about buying the watch from US. he still wanted to get... so the story is going on until today and i had just updated with jenny yesterday. and guess what jenny spoke with me?
she spoke... "you arranged everything for him, hope he appreciates what you have done for him, this is rare for a woman to browse, search and checking which is the cheapest for the hubs and she never does such this kind because her hubs normally will settles himself, the rest she will settles such like buying the shirts etc..."
i was huh... my mind was going to die!
she said if not for me, she would not buying for my hubs! indeed...
i was pondering a while, wondering how much i have done for him all those years yet i never been appreciated! even on my birthday this early year, he showed the black face and calculative, spoke he was tiring to drive for a whole day and still wanted to celebrate my birthday, he spent too much already for me? in fact he didn't get any presents for me, just a cash but he was disappointed that time, he spoke that my birthday was he helping to pay the debts and i never wished that! oh well, the birthday present and debts are not same right? IF i wish that then it is... but he decided for me without consulted me and that was not my birthday present to pay the debts... he was fuming mad that time... i really upset with him though! really... it seemed he spoilt my day anyway but he did surprise me with a piece of birthday cake. it sounded like he forced to buy one. apparently, i was not really happy that time. i just forced to smile!
i wondered whether did i do everything for the hubs and yeah that's the fact... but at times, the hubs never appreciates! sighs...
yesterday my hand was burnt by the hot oil when i was cooking...
yet he never felt guilty, he just took it as nothing...
(face palm)
in fact, when we reached home yesterday... i just wan rest in a short while but he forced me to get ready the dinner as he was hungry... i was so tiring. and i forced myself to the kitchen... like that. he never helped me at all and just sat facing the pc, watching the entertainments. whilst i was busier in the kitchen...
my heart was really sank but what to do?
i need someone to love, care and protect me... forever... but my hubs is not the person who i should rely on because he really never cares me. obviously.
anyway, i shall wait and see...
sighs...
xxx
when i thought i blogged many things such like complains, upset, disappointed, unhappy.... all about my hubs, who else i can share apart from my precious blog? because i knew although i share with people, they still can't help because the hubs is the one who i have chosen and i have to live in these paths no matter what happens? if i can take it?
i admit i can't take it anymore because i really can't breathe so hard... depressed for sometimes... thought a lot.... pondering a lot...
yesterday i had a conversation with Jenny.
i realized she is really a smart lady!
in fact my hubs looked for the G-shock watch...
he spoke that in Malaysia sells at highest price compared to US price which is converted to a few bucks only... around 400 like that... hence, he asked me as if i got any friends live in US and coming back recently?
suddenly i thought of my sis's hubs's parent were there for holidays and living in Jenny place (my sis's sis in law whom is living in US right now). hence i whatsapp-ed her and asking her if her parent still there or on the way back to Malaysia, that time was at end of December, supposed to be... never knew they came back so fast...
oh well, lost of the opportunity to get the help...
back... when we were at Tropicana Mall for a window shopping, the hubs still peeped the store for G-shock... he assumed it is still more expensive though but if anything happens on the watch in case he purchases one day, how to send for the warranty when the watch is purchased in US? he asked me to inform jenny not to purchase already. x
2-3 days later, the hubs changed the mind and fortunately i didn't inform jenny regarding the hubs changed the mind and cancelled about buying the watch from US. he still wanted to get... so the story is going on until today and i had just updated with jenny yesterday. and guess what jenny spoke with me?
she spoke... "you arranged everything for him, hope he appreciates what you have done for him, this is rare for a woman to browse, search and checking which is the cheapest for the hubs and she never does such this kind because her hubs normally will settles himself, the rest she will settles such like buying the shirts etc..."
i was huh... my mind was going to die!
she said if not for me, she would not buying for my hubs! indeed...
i was pondering a while, wondering how much i have done for him all those years yet i never been appreciated! even on my birthday this early year, he showed the black face and calculative, spoke he was tiring to drive for a whole day and still wanted to celebrate my birthday, he spent too much already for me? in fact he didn't get any presents for me, just a cash but he was disappointed that time, he spoke that my birthday was he helping to pay the debts and i never wished that! oh well, the birthday present and debts are not same right? IF i wish that then it is... but he decided for me without consulted me and that was not my birthday present to pay the debts... he was fuming mad that time... i really upset with him though! really... it seemed he spoilt my day anyway but he did surprise me with a piece of birthday cake. it sounded like he forced to buy one. apparently, i was not really happy that time. i just forced to smile!
i wondered whether did i do everything for the hubs and yeah that's the fact... but at times, the hubs never appreciates! sighs...
yesterday my hand was burnt by the hot oil when i was cooking...
yet he never felt guilty, he just took it as nothing...
(face palm)
in fact, when we reached home yesterday... i just wan rest in a short while but he forced me to get ready the dinner as he was hungry... i was so tiring. and i forced myself to the kitchen... like that. he never helped me at all and just sat facing the pc, watching the entertainments. whilst i was busier in the kitchen...
my heart was really sank but what to do?
i need someone to love, care and protect me... forever... but my hubs is not the person who i should rely on because he really never cares me. obviously.
anyway, i shall wait and see...
sighs...
xxx
deactivate...
this is a overdue blog, around 1-2 weeks ago...
i saw him deleted everything including the happy memories such the photos in the FB then there was... he removed his FB officially for that night after been using the FB for 3 years plus since 2009... i don't know what had happened to him and he refused to answer!
he just said he felt boring to play FB already.
i found this is a ridiculous answer!
oh well, i don't insist him to telling about these and i totally gave up for this.
really...
i am tired of his attitude!
very stubborn and childish!
he always puts all faults on me... he said i always shoot him and saying everything he does is wrong and i don't believe him instead of believing another people rather than my own husband.
but sometimes he did wrong, he never admitted it!
so no point to argue with him on these issues and rises these issues unreasonably. he never improves the communication instead of creating more troubles... our children don't really fond on him and keep going to my side as they admire me more than their daddy.
frankly speaking, does he do the duty as a father?
my daughter asked me yesterday when we were at Sunway Pyramid, when our son bullied to our daughter by kicking her. guess what did he do to our son?
he never taught and explained what was wrong about it instead of kicked him back. all of us shocked! but our children kept quiet after he kicked him. i felt quite miserable about this. i wondered did his father teach such this way? no wonder he copied the style from his father....
i heard his father used to beat him... i don't know how he taught my husband. sometimes i really am disgusting with the ways how he (yeah my hubs's father) used to teach his children??? i don't see the correct method how my hubs taught my children...
he always blames me for pampering them but i am not pampering them though. i just balanced the actions so that my children would not feel suffering. i want they feel happier when they are with me!
they do the mistakes, i teach them but NOT beat or what like how my hubs used to do...
that is a very wrong method!
we can see he has no patience!!! no patience in guiding his children...
in fact, he never liked the children / babies when we were dating that time... but when we had our first child, he didn't really put more loves on our first child... during those time we had our first child, we argued and fought more often and unlike a real happy family though...
he has very bad and hot tempers, very easy to get angry and will break everything whatever he throws when he was in the anger mode... that was very disgusting!
nobody knows how were the living my first child and I have gone thru all those years before moved to KL....
sighs....
unpredictable eh?
anyway, my strength is getting on all because of my children till today where you can see ME now...
suffering, surviving, living in a lot of great pains... but i still live on...
xxx
i saw him deleted everything including the happy memories such the photos in the FB then there was... he removed his FB officially for that night after been using the FB for 3 years plus since 2009... i don't know what had happened to him and he refused to answer!
he just said he felt boring to play FB already.
i found this is a ridiculous answer!
oh well, i don't insist him to telling about these and i totally gave up for this.
really...
i am tired of his attitude!
very stubborn and childish!
he always puts all faults on me... he said i always shoot him and saying everything he does is wrong and i don't believe him instead of believing another people rather than my own husband.
but sometimes he did wrong, he never admitted it!
so no point to argue with him on these issues and rises these issues unreasonably. he never improves the communication instead of creating more troubles... our children don't really fond on him and keep going to my side as they admire me more than their daddy.
frankly speaking, does he do the duty as a father?
my daughter asked me yesterday when we were at Sunway Pyramid, when our son bullied to our daughter by kicking her. guess what did he do to our son?
he never taught and explained what was wrong about it instead of kicked him back. all of us shocked! but our children kept quiet after he kicked him. i felt quite miserable about this. i wondered did his father teach such this way? no wonder he copied the style from his father....
i heard his father used to beat him... i don't know how he taught my husband. sometimes i really am disgusting with the ways how he (yeah my hubs's father) used to teach his children??? i don't see the correct method how my hubs taught my children...
he always blames me for pampering them but i am not pampering them though. i just balanced the actions so that my children would not feel suffering. i want they feel happier when they are with me!
they do the mistakes, i teach them but NOT beat or what like how my hubs used to do...
that is a very wrong method!
we can see he has no patience!!! no patience in guiding his children...
in fact, he never liked the children / babies when we were dating that time... but when we had our first child, he didn't really put more loves on our first child... during those time we had our first child, we argued and fought more often and unlike a real happy family though...
he has very bad and hot tempers, very easy to get angry and will break everything whatever he throws when he was in the anger mode... that was very disgusting!
nobody knows how were the living my first child and I have gone thru all those years before moved to KL....
sighs....
unpredictable eh?
anyway, my strength is getting on all because of my children till today where you can see ME now...
suffering, surviving, living in a lot of great pains... but i still live on...
xxx
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
type, error, delete, redo, undo,...
i have been blogging for sometime... when i am unhappy i would blog to release the feelings bottled... everytime i blog, i would type, erase, redo, undo.... and at last it would stays in the draft! sighs...
feeling like i have been complaining about my hubs but what to do?
oh well, never mind lar... just let them to stay in the drafts, the time will tells when should i revert back?!!
xxx
feeling like i have been complaining about my hubs but what to do?
oh well, never mind lar... just let them to stay in the drafts, the time will tells when should i revert back?!!
xxx
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
22nd January 2013 - 7 months to go...
when i was blogging earlier, suddenly i realized today is 22nd... it is his birthday in 7 months to go... how sweet eh? Leo boy eh? oh well, he didn't wish the birthday for me this early of month but is okay for me, i think i got my best present from him already... although it's nothing but i was able to meet him!
for first time...
:)
but don't know when could meet again for next round?
sounds silly eh?
oh yeah, 7 months is a long way to go...
i hope everything is sailing smoothly... perhaps i am free from the jail?
xxx
for first time...
:)
but don't know when could meet again for next round?
sounds silly eh?
oh yeah, 7 months is a long way to go...
i hope everything is sailing smoothly... perhaps i am free from the jail?
xxx
when the sun shines...
after a week or so, i have been depressed about this relationship... to think it would be end any sooner but boy, was i wrong... it seems in fact he is not afford to be lonely at all... but weird, why should he behaves like that when he knew he can't afford to lose this?
oh my... never mind... just let it be... and i don't intend to do anything for now... i am tiring!
so far so good, we seem to be okay... but less communicate already.
i think he talks to another people is better than me although i am his wife but there's nothing that we could talk or share... it seems we are more or less being strangers... sighs... right now i miss someone...
but he is quite further from here... never mind... perhaps no fate?
but i still believe we would be reunited any sooner if the timing allows... :)
okay...
xxx
oh my... never mind... just let it be... and i don't intend to do anything for now... i am tiring!
so far so good, we seem to be okay... but less communicate already.
i think he talks to another people is better than me although i am his wife but there's nothing that we could talk or share... it seems we are more or less being strangers... sighs... right now i miss someone...
but he is quite further from here... never mind... perhaps no fate?
but i still believe we would be reunited any sooner if the timing allows... :)
okay...
xxx
Monday, January 21, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
a long thought...
after a day or two, i have been soo much in depression regarding the relationship issue and today i feel much better... not that we mended this relationship problem, is me have a long thoughts of the past, present and today... ask myself why, what, where, which, and how?
oh well, this relationship issue... i couldn't complain more or less right now... the ways we handled may be either positive or negative, perhaps we didn't realize... but when there was created any troubles, of course any of us would blame each other during the critic time...
to think about my past... although we had bad arguments or fought in the past, don't blame me for behaving such those ways, i actually learned from you!
i do thinking about how we used to love and care when he was in good moods. if he was not good in the mood, another story! for such long thoughts, if he is remaining the same without any changes...
i shall change my whole life because i can't take any longer to live with him... i knew he has tried his best to provide the best for this family BUT what i meant is he doesn't try his best to improve more himself instead of remaining the same... i don't mind if he wants to play the Gundam thingy and his stuffs, i just hope he works harder more bit. he is a head of this family yet his income is not that made much more or less...
sometimes he is selfishly handling the money... he doesn't believe my money management, so i don't want to comment on this. i don't know how he uses his money, i don't know whether does he has any savings for now?
as i knew, he never provides any contributions for our children's policies, tuition fees and depends on what things? mostly they are bear by me and myself... i knew my salary may not covered everything but i tried my very best to cover... for my daughter tuition fee, yeah he does contribute but less than the actual amounts... i paid more than him indeed... just that he doesn't know the fact but loves to blame me for never saving any cents instead of spending too much...
do i?
but he doesn't know what is my real situation.... he keeps blaming me, never thinks properly about me and the children's future...
i provide the tuition fee for my daughter no matter how hard i am but i want my daughter to know how important the educations, because this only can helps her to create the bright future... of course i don't intend to let my children to follow their daddy's step as their daddy is not good in academics... can say he is powerful in chinese only, not the rest of subjects... i admit he is intelligent but in skills only NOT FOR THE ACADEMICS.
i do remember how much sacrifice did my late mummy has done for my siblings and myself... this is what i saluted her as a great mummy in my heart...
my hubs always teases me because i am kinda stingy on spending on things i really love but never purchase... i actually want to save and sacrifice my money for my children's good sakes such like tuitions, insurances and something i could provide for them...
after 10 years, i realize my hubs actually has never understand me deeply and better... NEVER. that is why, sometimes i am just a stranger to him although in the house or anywhere, i am in a status as a wife to him but the real life is NOT that kind... look at the ways how he treats me?
i do everything including, doing laundry, bring the kids to bath, cooking, mopping, driving, and many more than i could do... yet i am never been appreciated... but much more like a maid... he never feel grateful for everything i have done in 10 years... i am very tiring... indeed.
i never see he really appreciates me... even if got but what is that? could it be he treats me the lunch or what? he gives me any presents very very rare... treats me the lunch or dinner also depends... most of times, we pay AA... when my birthday, he shows the long black face especially this recent month which my birthday is categorized. he does remember how to celebrate our children birthday but NOT me... i never see how he plan or celebrate me in special ways... every time also very dull...
actually i don't mind to do all... i just hope he cares, loves and help me no matter what... but he never helps me... he said if he is not around one day, i have to do myself... i found this is rather weird because it's normal if i need a help why not? sometimes i find that he is really strange! i am a wife, why can't help me? even my family will help me? why so?
his family is not really helping me... sometimes only... i remember there was once we had the tea break near kopitiam in his hometown... we were a whole family. and the hubs was sitting very far there whilst i was carrying my son who was sleeping on my lap. i asked him to help me to order.. he just asked me to order myself... and his sisters didn't ask me what i want... they just kept quiet... i was bloody mad already... i refused to order at last... no mood already!
to think about these things really make me upset sometimes...
today i feel cool down but i don't feel wanna talk much with him already... in the house we may be strangers each other and sleeping separate ways. i don't know how long it would takes, i think very soon...
anyway i fed up already. he doesn't want to improve the communication but blamed me in many things. i find this is really ridiculous!
thinks he is right in everything?
agree?
xxx
oh well, this relationship issue... i couldn't complain more or less right now... the ways we handled may be either positive or negative, perhaps we didn't realize... but when there was created any troubles, of course any of us would blame each other during the critic time...
to think about my past... although we had bad arguments or fought in the past, don't blame me for behaving such those ways, i actually learned from you!
i do thinking about how we used to love and care when he was in good moods. if he was not good in the mood, another story! for such long thoughts, if he is remaining the same without any changes...
i shall change my whole life because i can't take any longer to live with him... i knew he has tried his best to provide the best for this family BUT what i meant is he doesn't try his best to improve more himself instead of remaining the same... i don't mind if he wants to play the Gundam thingy and his stuffs, i just hope he works harder more bit. he is a head of this family yet his income is not that made much more or less...
sometimes he is selfishly handling the money... he doesn't believe my money management, so i don't want to comment on this. i don't know how he uses his money, i don't know whether does he has any savings for now?
as i knew, he never provides any contributions for our children's policies, tuition fees and depends on what things? mostly they are bear by me and myself... i knew my salary may not covered everything but i tried my very best to cover... for my daughter tuition fee, yeah he does contribute but less than the actual amounts... i paid more than him indeed... just that he doesn't know the fact but loves to blame me for never saving any cents instead of spending too much...
do i?
but he doesn't know what is my real situation.... he keeps blaming me, never thinks properly about me and the children's future...
i provide the tuition fee for my daughter no matter how hard i am but i want my daughter to know how important the educations, because this only can helps her to create the bright future... of course i don't intend to let my children to follow their daddy's step as their daddy is not good in academics... can say he is powerful in chinese only, not the rest of subjects... i admit he is intelligent but in skills only NOT FOR THE ACADEMICS.
i do remember how much sacrifice did my late mummy has done for my siblings and myself... this is what i saluted her as a great mummy in my heart...
my hubs always teases me because i am kinda stingy on spending on things i really love but never purchase... i actually want to save and sacrifice my money for my children's good sakes such like tuitions, insurances and something i could provide for them...
after 10 years, i realize my hubs actually has never understand me deeply and better... NEVER. that is why, sometimes i am just a stranger to him although in the house or anywhere, i am in a status as a wife to him but the real life is NOT that kind... look at the ways how he treats me?
i do everything including, doing laundry, bring the kids to bath, cooking, mopping, driving, and many more than i could do... yet i am never been appreciated... but much more like a maid... he never feel grateful for everything i have done in 10 years... i am very tiring... indeed.
i never see he really appreciates me... even if got but what is that? could it be he treats me the lunch or what? he gives me any presents very very rare... treats me the lunch or dinner also depends... most of times, we pay AA... when my birthday, he shows the long black face especially this recent month which my birthday is categorized. he does remember how to celebrate our children birthday but NOT me... i never see how he plan or celebrate me in special ways... every time also very dull...
actually i don't mind to do all... i just hope he cares, loves and help me no matter what... but he never helps me... he said if he is not around one day, i have to do myself... i found this is rather weird because it's normal if i need a help why not? sometimes i find that he is really strange! i am a wife, why can't help me? even my family will help me? why so?
his family is not really helping me... sometimes only... i remember there was once we had the tea break near kopitiam in his hometown... we were a whole family. and the hubs was sitting very far there whilst i was carrying my son who was sleeping on my lap. i asked him to help me to order.. he just asked me to order myself... and his sisters didn't ask me what i want... they just kept quiet... i was bloody mad already... i refused to order at last... no mood already!
to think about these things really make me upset sometimes...
today i feel cool down but i don't feel wanna talk much with him already... in the house we may be strangers each other and sleeping separate ways. i don't know how long it would takes, i think very soon...
anyway i fed up already. he doesn't want to improve the communication but blamed me in many things. i find this is really ridiculous!
thinks he is right in everything?
agree?
xxx
Thursday, January 17, 2013
my heart is crying
To learn that the owner wanted to increase the house rent fee to 750 Malaysia Ringgit starts by next month. I accepted it calmly despite of knowing it would happens. The hubs could not accept the fact of increasing the rent fee.
Yet he points the faults at me, saying that i never saving any accounts. But what about him?
Before it happened yesterday, i were hunting the houses many times and even visited the place but at last i didn't purchase any houses because i was in short of cashes that time and the hubs refused to purchase. A lot of excuses from him... bla blaa...
I paused for a while until a very yesterday. We were mad in rushing to get a house of own... sometimes i feel like my heart has been stabbed.
When we had the dinner earlier, i didn't take anything because i got no mood already yet the hubs seemed enjoying his dinner whilst reminded me that was my turn to pay our daughter's portion. Again, i fed up ways he talked to me like very calculative...
In fact, he never looked at his mirror and asking himself what's wrong with himself but keeps blaming / shooting / scolding / bullying me unreasonably. He never protects, cares, respects and loves me in as his wife. Instead of i am somebody for him. I wonder whether does he has the feeling? I am a human. Not a toy that does not have the feeling.
For many years of living together, he never learns to understand me deeply. Never. At times, he would cares and loves me when i do not make him angry. BUT if i make him angry, finish the story! That means he would lose the temper very terrible. Of course he loses the tempers to me! Scolds, screams and beat me unreasonably. My children can be the witness of these stories.
He sets a bad example in as a husband as well as a father to a pair of children. When we come back, i am the one who super busier at home whilst the hubs could only sits and face the pc, surfing... watching the cartoon and doing his own things.
He never helps me such like escorts the kids to take a bath or revise with them in studies.. if i do a very single mistaken, he would scolds and throws the things in front of the children. If i make him angry, he would throws the things and locks himself in sleeping, refusing to talk with me... blames me terribly like i am at 100% faults. He never thought he has done the mistakes as well, he refused to admit on his faults... even worse he never says SORRY if he does the mistakes..
i have posted the previous entry regarding the communication problem. He spoke that he tried to follow my requests to make everything clear. He also mentioned that our daughter spoke that i am so troublesome despite of not understand what they talked after many times.
My heart is really broken. Why so?
Firstly, i am the wife who he lives with for many years... yet he can not tolerante with my disability of understanding people. As i know, the husband and wife before married should have known this issue where everyone sought to share, help, advise and tolerante each other. But the hubs does not have these categories. He has no patiences at all. No wonder he loses the tempers more than anyone.
I had a conversation with my colleague earlier regarding this communication issue. She was really upset the ways the hubs treats me. like bullying me. My colleague really pities at me. She said i allowed him to do so that is why the problems occur today and forever if i do not stop this.
My tear sheds non-stop. I feel unhappy, helpless and disappointed. Like my life is ruined so much already because of his ego. I think i can not take it any longer... i am physically and mentally tiring. Very tired. I have been very very patient and allowing him to do so... like i have no respect from him already. It seems he dares to step over my head...
He said i am over limited... but what about him? Every actions, words, thoughts and ego from him really create the troubles on me in silent mode.
He scolds me in front of people also NO SOUND... how smart eh?
The dirty words such like chibai, lanjiao, fuck, diu, niuma and etc all was started from him yet he scolded me for set a bad example to our children???
I was huh...?
In the past, i did not know about these dirty chinese words until a very few years when we had bad arguments, he spitted those chinese dirty words at me in NO SOUND. How bad!
he always thinks he is a gentleman and nice guy... for everyone, yes but in real stories in the life, nobody knows how he treats me ways soooooooooooo bad.
When i was soo tired, i feel like want to rest a while. He woke up by banging here and there. And asking me...
"You sleep all alone meh"
That time was in the afternoon right after i was busier to prepare pancakes for breakfast, the fried rice for the lunch as well as baking the cupcakes... i so sleepy. That also he did not allow me to rest? I knew that time we needed to leave about 5pm plus to attend my 2nd uncle birthday but he forced me to wake up. I escorted my kids to bath all alone and he just sat there whilst playing the games at his phone.
Sighs...
I tell you...
he never cares me no matter how much tiring i am... he never appreciates my hard works as a wife and a mummy all these years...
If he angry then he can get angry only NOT me...
If i am angry, this is wrong! this leads him even more angrier at me...
If he says can then is can...
If i say can, he says can not...
If he blames me then he meant it...
If i blame him, he will fights me terribly and refused to admit on the mistakes...
If i ask him to help me, he needs to see what kind of the help... sounds very selfish...
If i help him... this is normal when he needs the help...
If he buys something, i just ask him whether he has extra cash to purchase?
If i buy something, he would says i got a plenty of money / richer...
And more lists to go... very rude of him.
He beats me yet i still suffer in silent mode. Feel upset and crying... he said he can not "tahan" with me. But what about me?
do you think i am really superwoman? I am a woman, needs loves and cares... but why i should be treated this way?
I really can not breathe so well now... very hard to breathe when facing these problems.
the problems i have face myself all alone, i have nightmares everyday and never found my true happiness in myself... sometimes i feel pity at my children because they have such a terrible father.
Sighs...
My mind is getting slowly working due to think too much. I really terrific about these issues.
I admit i am so tired now.
My family, friends and everyone could never understand 100% how much pains and hardships i gone thru all alone for many years.
Living in the fake story where the people looks at a happy family picture...
The hubs had just deactivated his FB a week or two ago. Did not know what is the reason. but when i discovered that, i realized the happiness is faded away.
I know he never appreciates my hard works for those years despite of having the arguments in the past. Really. We can see how he treated me?
he just bought the policy from my cousin yet he never offered to contribute bit more for our children's policy since i am the one who contributing all these years.
i am not talking about his bad things but this is a fact! i am living now with him...
Sometimes i thought the hubs is lucky to have me or i am just unlucky?
I never feel the real happiness and a harmony life in a family scenery. I feel like it's becoming a part of my children life where we thought it is a single family. The hubs never expects that he could be the next one just like his father.
Frankly speaking, i am so exhausted now...
xxx
Yet he points the faults at me, saying that i never saving any accounts. But what about him?
Before it happened yesterday, i were hunting the houses many times and even visited the place but at last i didn't purchase any houses because i was in short of cashes that time and the hubs refused to purchase. A lot of excuses from him... bla blaa...
I paused for a while until a very yesterday. We were mad in rushing to get a house of own... sometimes i feel like my heart has been stabbed.
When we had the dinner earlier, i didn't take anything because i got no mood already yet the hubs seemed enjoying his dinner whilst reminded me that was my turn to pay our daughter's portion. Again, i fed up ways he talked to me like very calculative...
In fact, he never looked at his mirror and asking himself what's wrong with himself but keeps blaming / shooting / scolding / bullying me unreasonably. He never protects, cares, respects and loves me in as his wife. Instead of i am somebody for him. I wonder whether does he has the feeling? I am a human. Not a toy that does not have the feeling.
For many years of living together, he never learns to understand me deeply. Never. At times, he would cares and loves me when i do not make him angry. BUT if i make him angry, finish the story! That means he would lose the temper very terrible. Of course he loses the tempers to me! Scolds, screams and beat me unreasonably. My children can be the witness of these stories.
He sets a bad example in as a husband as well as a father to a pair of children. When we come back, i am the one who super busier at home whilst the hubs could only sits and face the pc, surfing... watching the cartoon and doing his own things.
He never helps me such like escorts the kids to take a bath or revise with them in studies.. if i do a very single mistaken, he would scolds and throws the things in front of the children. If i make him angry, he would throws the things and locks himself in sleeping, refusing to talk with me... blames me terribly like i am at 100% faults. He never thought he has done the mistakes as well, he refused to admit on his faults... even worse he never says SORRY if he does the mistakes..
i have posted the previous entry regarding the communication problem. He spoke that he tried to follow my requests to make everything clear. He also mentioned that our daughter spoke that i am so troublesome despite of not understand what they talked after many times.
My heart is really broken. Why so?
Firstly, i am the wife who he lives with for many years... yet he can not tolerante with my disability of understanding people. As i know, the husband and wife before married should have known this issue where everyone sought to share, help, advise and tolerante each other. But the hubs does not have these categories. He has no patiences at all. No wonder he loses the tempers more than anyone.
I had a conversation with my colleague earlier regarding this communication issue. She was really upset the ways the hubs treats me. like bullying me. My colleague really pities at me. She said i allowed him to do so that is why the problems occur today and forever if i do not stop this.
My tear sheds non-stop. I feel unhappy, helpless and disappointed. Like my life is ruined so much already because of his ego. I think i can not take it any longer... i am physically and mentally tiring. Very tired. I have been very very patient and allowing him to do so... like i have no respect from him already. It seems he dares to step over my head...
He said i am over limited... but what about him? Every actions, words, thoughts and ego from him really create the troubles on me in silent mode.
He scolds me in front of people also NO SOUND... how smart eh?
The dirty words such like chibai, lanjiao, fuck, diu, niuma and etc all was started from him yet he scolded me for set a bad example to our children???
I was huh...?
In the past, i did not know about these dirty chinese words until a very few years when we had bad arguments, he spitted those chinese dirty words at me in NO SOUND. How bad!
he always thinks he is a gentleman and nice guy... for everyone, yes but in real stories in the life, nobody knows how he treats me ways soooooooooooo bad.
When i was soo tired, i feel like want to rest a while. He woke up by banging here and there. And asking me...
"You sleep all alone meh"
That time was in the afternoon right after i was busier to prepare pancakes for breakfast, the fried rice for the lunch as well as baking the cupcakes... i so sleepy. That also he did not allow me to rest? I knew that time we needed to leave about 5pm plus to attend my 2nd uncle birthday but he forced me to wake up. I escorted my kids to bath all alone and he just sat there whilst playing the games at his phone.
Sighs...
I tell you...
he never cares me no matter how much tiring i am... he never appreciates my hard works as a wife and a mummy all these years...
If he angry then he can get angry only NOT me...
If i am angry, this is wrong! this leads him even more angrier at me...
If he says can then is can...
If i say can, he says can not...
If he blames me then he meant it...
If i blame him, he will fights me terribly and refused to admit on the mistakes...
If i ask him to help me, he needs to see what kind of the help... sounds very selfish...
If i help him... this is normal when he needs the help...
If he buys something, i just ask him whether he has extra cash to purchase?
If i buy something, he would says i got a plenty of money / richer...
And more lists to go... very rude of him.
He beats me yet i still suffer in silent mode. Feel upset and crying... he said he can not "tahan" with me. But what about me?
do you think i am really superwoman? I am a woman, needs loves and cares... but why i should be treated this way?
I really can not breathe so well now... very hard to breathe when facing these problems.
the problems i have face myself all alone, i have nightmares everyday and never found my true happiness in myself... sometimes i feel pity at my children because they have such a terrible father.
Sighs...
My mind is getting slowly working due to think too much. I really terrific about these issues.
I admit i am so tired now.
My family, friends and everyone could never understand 100% how much pains and hardships i gone thru all alone for many years.
Living in the fake story where the people looks at a happy family picture...
The hubs had just deactivated his FB a week or two ago. Did not know what is the reason. but when i discovered that, i realized the happiness is faded away.
I know he never appreciates my hard works for those years despite of having the arguments in the past. Really. We can see how he treated me?
he just bought the policy from my cousin yet he never offered to contribute bit more for our children's policy since i am the one who contributing all these years.
i am not talking about his bad things but this is a fact! i am living now with him...
Sometimes i thought the hubs is lucky to have me or i am just unlucky?
I never feel the real happiness and a harmony life in a family scenery. I feel like it's becoming a part of my children life where we thought it is a single family. The hubs never expects that he could be the next one just like his father.
Frankly speaking, i am so exhausted now...
xxx
i "heart" you :: chinese peanut cookies
I knew its late now but just share that i have just baked these :: i "heart" you :: chinese peanut cookies earlier... i feel satisfied now but... my bottom of heart is still down...
Anyway... i shall share the story later...
xxx
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
deactivate the mind
i look at the happy memories in the past despite of having arguments in those years. recent years included this year, it seems our relationship is real turning sour already. he is the one who started everything yet i never mentioned anything but he is kinda very narrow-hearted...
when he did the mistakes, he never admitted... but shoot me instead. like that case when our son's eyes pricked yet he shouted at me, scolded me terribly but the incident has not made clear everything and our son kept crying... i was speechless....
until when our son stopped crying that time i purchased a cold Milo drink for him, the hubs said our son mentioned that i did one... i was speechless again because as i remembered i didn't do anything earlier that time, hence i was not satisfied with the answer the hubs gave, i double confirmed again with our son....
guess what?
when i asked our son... "who did that?"
he said is "the daddy...."
my daughter and I also were there, so did all guests there listened... the hubs became ashamed!
looks at this story... he scolds me without checking properly... useless fella!
and many things that made our children as well as I really tired of his attitudes, behaviors and stupid angers!!!!
today i notice our relationship really can't be saved already as he refused to communicate and solve the problems... every time we talk about the problems, he keeps pointing me in many faults but he never mentions about himself in the faults... it seems all faults going to ME... ME....
i don't understand why?
u can see there's very much difference between me and the hubs...
when he did the mistakes, he never admitted... but shoot me instead. like that case when our son's eyes pricked yet he shouted at me, scolded me terribly but the incident has not made clear everything and our son kept crying... i was speechless....
until when our son stopped crying that time i purchased a cold Milo drink for him, the hubs said our son mentioned that i did one... i was speechless again because as i remembered i didn't do anything earlier that time, hence i was not satisfied with the answer the hubs gave, i double confirmed again with our son....
guess what?
when i asked our son... "who did that?"
he said is "the daddy...."
my daughter and I also were there, so did all guests there listened... the hubs became ashamed!
looks at this story... he scolds me without checking properly... useless fella!
and many things that made our children as well as I really tired of his attitudes, behaviors and stupid angers!!!!
today i notice our relationship really can't be saved already as he refused to communicate and solve the problems... every time we talk about the problems, he keeps pointing me in many faults but he never mentions about himself in the faults... it seems all faults going to ME... ME....
i don't understand why?
u can see there's very much difference between me and the hubs...
- going to his house, i just go to visit them... when to my daddy house, he REFUSED to go unless there's any occasions such as celebrations or etc...
- he wants to bring his daddy go shopping or travel, i got nothing to say... when i speak i want to bring my parent to shopping or travel, he complains soooooo much like no money to sponsor and etc....
- his family doesn't really contribute anything to my kids and I, i just keep quiet and the hubs also doesn't say anything.. when my parents and my siblings helped us a lot... he never thought to reply appreciates or etc... even never thankful to them... the hubs does treat them for a lunch or dinner but VERY RARE already. this also depends his pocket! otherwise, NEVER at all.
- despite to know he has not much pockets, he still pays everything for HIS OWN FAMILY... NOT my family...
- his sisters never bought anything for my children, we never say anything.... when my siblings bought very a lot of things for our children, why not i buy something for them? but the hubs complains that I NEVER THOUGHT TO BUY ANYTHING FOR HIS SISTER CHILDREN.... what the F...
- when i was married to him, he never greeted my daddy as :: papa :: instead of calling :: uncle :: my siblings also heard but we all speechless...
- and more lists to go... i really can't forget whatever he did in those years...
another story... this early year was my birthday right after New Year... that 1st week which he was requested to outstation until on my birthday... he came back on my Birthday and we went to Mines Wonderland without my requests... he drove all himself and i just got our children to get ready after back from my shopping earlier (we were hunting the cabinets but didn't buy anything)
i jokingly asked him about my birthday...
he answered in the anger mode... "i gave u the money already, what else u want? i don't have money already"
sighs....
then i kept quiet for a while... and asking him again...
"how would you want to celebrate my birthday?"
again in anger mode --- "i tired already to drive for 3 hours outstation, now you want me to drive again? "
my daughter overheard and asking me why the daddy said like that, he drove himself not us...
i was speechless....
how would u think the ways he talked???
any problems?
i really beh tahan already... sighs...
had a big arguments
i had arguments with the hubs earlier... and it seems confirmed that our relationship turns sour already now. as he keeps saying i have the problems BUT when i asked him back...
"you spoke i have problems of mine BUT have u thought about your problems?"
then he answered "fine, i got nothing to say"
i was huh....?
i lazy to write, i will attached this PDF and let u see...
"you spoke i have problems of mine BUT have u thought about your problems?"
then he answered "fine, i got nothing to say"
i was huh....?
i lazy to write, i will attached this PDF and let u see...
this was our conversations earlier thru Skype and we can know who started the arguments? i barely to mention about the problems during the conversations. because of he started to mention, i joined too but every time i talked, he talked the way very rude... like he put ALL FAULTS on me even including our daughter as well BUT to your knowledges, our daughter is still small, of course i need to remind her every time....
but he didn't agree?
why???
he said all is same?
what the same? you can judge and tell me...
i did admit i got own problems at my side but i never rise the issue yet i am trying to solve it BUT his attitudes really drove me NUTS... somemore mentioned wanna to die faster????
he is not an adult meh? doesn't know how to think? he mentioned :: OVERLIMITED :: earlier...
but does he know he already challenged my patiences all those years yet i still suffer in silent modes? he is too much already!!!!
how stupid he is!
in my mind, if he can't "tahan" with me after 10 years. i think is the best solution to DIVORCE... i think he would thinks too... now depends on the timing...
i fed up already...
xxx
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
this and that...
i knew i have been complaining about my hubs lately but what to do? i was bloody mad upon the hubs's childish attitudes wich drove me NUTS at times. but is okay, i can release my bad moods, freaking angry and etc thru this blogging, at least i am much relieved than sharing with people which might influenced me such positive and negative thoughts in deciding this sensitive issue but i am gladly handling this matter professionally and rationally although i myself upset with him at times.
but i gave up with the hubs. he is very childish! indeed...
sighs...
xxx
but i gave up with the hubs. he is very childish! indeed...
sighs...
xxx
kuey teow goreng
i was late to office earlier due went home to make the water bill in our apartment. learned that today would be NO WATER SUPPLY at late evening until next day... hence, we went home to get ready all water to use later.
this was my late lunch but the hubs had mistaken to order this yellow noodle plus kuey teow which i damn hate...
hello, i hate the yellow noodle larr.... why still want to order this yellow noodle???
but then he ordered already, can't changed and we also rushed time... hence i just took and ate with closed eyes although i dislike the yellow noodle... sighssssss....
how many times i told you that i don't like the yellow noodle!!!!!????
[rolling_eyes]
anyway, the smell of kuey teow really made me drooling!!! hehe... in fact, the hubs wanted to order chicken rice but i had it yesterday and i didn't intend to have the same portion again.... ewwww....
i determined to get kuey teow goreng despite of there were many people ordered... i was patiently ordering and waiting all together, just a bit more will do... :)
xxx
Insurance Medical Card
all about the insurance? oh well, i had the conversations with the hubs earlier and found that he would be meeting my cousin, Kathy by tomorrow lunch time, i was huh...?
"for what?"
he said he wants to buy a insurance medical card... my mind started beating a million of questions... why so?
because i had started to purchase the first medical card for my first child when she was at age 2.... and after 3 years later, i purchased another medical card for my second child when he was at age 2 too... this is what i have planned accordingly because i wanted them to have the medical cards at age 2... at least is better than never and still earlier though rather than purchasing the insurance when they were babies... plus i need to see the financial flow!
after a year from the date i purchased for my son, i bought the medical card for myself after found out my sister had a cyst at ovary a year ago... something was like that... so i was panic and learned that the woman health is the most important to be taken care! hence, i got one.
so far so good, i have been contributed the fund policies for my two kids as well as mine. although i have been struggled so much due to the financial problems but i still overcame at last but just my luck!
for their good sakes!
and the hubs never helped to contribute! sighs...
now the hubs wanted to get one for himself...
i conveyed him instantly...
"no need pay for the children insurances?"
because i am the ONE who contributing the fund policies all myself without any helps AND he is the husband plus a DADDY to a pair of children, did he understand what is the important of policy at first place? and hello... he REFUSED to pay, he said he got no extra money to pay these insurances that time...
blaa... blaa....
i was bloody mad!
and he said i never discussed with him first before i purchased the policies...
what a crazy!
i did rise this issue with him before BUT all i got was his COMPLAINS, MONEY PROBLEMS AND ARGUMENTS only...
he kept shooting me unreasonably...
the insurance life is a must, like that case, when my son got accident 2 years ago... he only remembered the insurance medical card when we were in the hospital... i was freaking mad because i was the one who contributing for their funds all these times.
did he financially contribute for these insurances? NO...
i was freaking mad with him... indeed... in his mind only :: Insurance Medical Card :: but never thought who was contributing the policy all those times? how stupid eh? and in end, the bill was stated only 300 bucks and he still wanted me to pay AA whilst i ALREADY contributed soo much eh? sighs...
useless and selfish fella... stupid!
and now? i don't know if he is willing to contribute these insurances as well... likely he is selfishly going to contribute is own insurance eh?
sighs...
xxx
**p/s : AA = pay own self
**p/s : AA = pay own self
Monday, January 14, 2013
pondering for a while...
to think my marriage is aged 10 years already... yet everything remains the same especially the hubs. he never changed the attitude... even worse! he doesn't respect me and always scolds me for no reasons. such as we had a dinner yesterday for my 2nd uncle birthday. when i was busy with my nephew, he scolded me that i was busy with my nephew and neglected my own son and my son refused to eat. he scolded me with NO SOUND, no wonder everyone didn't notice that he was actually scolded me. i just bear it silently because that time were a plenty of guests in my uncle's birthday dinner... i just kept quiet and just acted like nothing despite of my heartbroken! he never helped me but asked me to do this and that...
what the F...
hmm... i wonder whether is he the right one for me after many years? we have no mutual understandings and when i tried to communicate with him, he refused to talk and saying there's nothing to be talked about...
we are not the man and wife? then why we can't discuss at all? very hard to talk with him as every time i rise the issue, he would push me like that... i am really disappointed. indeed...
but what can i do?
i knew i have wasted time for myself so much... wasted my time for this useless guy! for many years...
i really don't know what to do...
i wanted to share with my family but i found this is not a good idea because since i am married to this guy, my family has been worried for me and my kids until now as this guy doesn't treat me in those good ways... we have been argued, fought and even divorce (but we didn't make it at last).... my family has been witnessed the whole stories of us...
i felt guilty sometimes because i made my family worried more!
i am an adult yet still make people worried for me... i feel unhappy... and i feel sad for my children as their daddy couldn't do the best duty as a father instead of beat them, showing the wrong ways how to teach them...
beat, whack and scolds them without teaching them what is the right what is the wrong. like the case, when my son kicked his big sister, the daddy kicked him back without telling him whats is the wrong! OMG... sighs...
i feel very troubled right now...
like the whole stories in fact he is bullying me!
like everything he does is correct whilst i am wrong... he never admits when he did the mistakes and can acts like nothing happens... he shoots me like that without checking what actually happened... if i lose my tempers during shopping, he could just leave me and the kids alone, and more...
and i really can't take it anymore... like i spoke in previous entry, i just wait the right time...
my heart is quite sank now...
xxx
what the F...
hmm... i wonder whether is he the right one for me after many years? we have no mutual understandings and when i tried to communicate with him, he refused to talk and saying there's nothing to be talked about...
we are not the man and wife? then why we can't discuss at all? very hard to talk with him as every time i rise the issue, he would push me like that... i am really disappointed. indeed...
but what can i do?
i knew i have wasted time for myself so much... wasted my time for this useless guy! for many years...
i really don't know what to do...
i wanted to share with my family but i found this is not a good idea because since i am married to this guy, my family has been worried for me and my kids until now as this guy doesn't treat me in those good ways... we have been argued, fought and even divorce (but we didn't make it at last).... my family has been witnessed the whole stories of us...
i felt guilty sometimes because i made my family worried more!
i am an adult yet still make people worried for me... i feel unhappy... and i feel sad for my children as their daddy couldn't do the best duty as a father instead of beat them, showing the wrong ways how to teach them...
beat, whack and scolds them without teaching them what is the right what is the wrong. like the case, when my son kicked his big sister, the daddy kicked him back without telling him whats is the wrong! OMG... sighs...
i feel very troubled right now...
like the whole stories in fact he is bullying me!
like everything he does is correct whilst i am wrong... he never admits when he did the mistakes and can acts like nothing happens... he shoots me like that without checking what actually happened... if i lose my tempers during shopping, he could just leave me and the kids alone, and more...
and i really can't take it anymore... like i spoke in previous entry, i just wait the right time...
my heart is quite sank now...
xxx
Friday, January 11, 2013
TGIF
was raining after i had the lunch! i was having the hot Milo cup earlier. yummy... never missed the Milo ... haha... oh well, my office just announced that we would be having CNY dinner by next month, 3 days before CNY...
anyway, i don't feel syok already about CNY! maybe i don't feel happy... long stories eh! oh well, cut the crap... i planned to hunt the house to have own! but it's not easy to get an ideal home for myself!!!! nowadays the houses price are too expensive, i wonder whether those graduated students who just finished the studies as well as working with the salary around 3k-4k couldn't get the house in this area as this area is selling the high price than another place. i think this area is a big city although it's just an outskirt of KL city.
i did studied some Semi-D houses could be bought at 200k-400k in kampung... but in this city already cost one million to up... can't believe this such luxury life in this city! everything increases, i wonder if people lives in this city could survive?
weird?
don't understand this though...
anyway, i just be told by my lovely colleague from 3rd floors, Miss Shanny... she surprised when i told her my actual age. she can't believe this though because all these times she thought i was just 26... because she said i look younger...
hehe...
:)
oh well...
Friday it is... i need to get a bookshelf for my daughter as well as for my kitchen before he comes back, otherwise i would be sounded by him... sighs!!!!
xxx
anyway, i don't feel syok already about CNY! maybe i don't feel happy... long stories eh! oh well, cut the crap... i planned to hunt the house to have own! but it's not easy to get an ideal home for myself!!!! nowadays the houses price are too expensive, i wonder whether those graduated students who just finished the studies as well as working with the salary around 3k-4k couldn't get the house in this area as this area is selling the high price than another place. i think this area is a big city although it's just an outskirt of KL city.
i did studied some Semi-D houses could be bought at 200k-400k in kampung... but in this city already cost one million to up... can't believe this such luxury life in this city! everything increases, i wonder if people lives in this city could survive?
weird?
don't understand this though...
anyway, i just be told by my lovely colleague from 3rd floors, Miss Shanny... she surprised when i told her my actual age. she can't believe this though because all these times she thought i was just 26... because she said i look younger...
hehe...
:)
oh well...
Friday it is... i need to get a bookshelf for my daughter as well as for my kitchen before he comes back, otherwise i would be sounded by him... sighs!!!!
xxx
2nd attempts of baking Chinese Sponge Cake
yeah i finally used the big oven to bake these Chinese Sponge Cake but this time is 2nd attempts to bake with the paper line cups! they were looking good, smell nicer and soft!
my kids liked a lot and they consumed too many cups! hehe...
i shall bake for next round with the big oven!
xxx
Green Strain from my vaginal?
this recent week, i spotted some green strain from my vaginal, yeah it was a light green color. i was so worried for many days and i wonder whether is it a yeast infection or what? but i don't feel itchy at all?
hence, i google-ed earlier and found this...
i took some credits from the google just to share with you all for the health knowledges especially women...
Vaginal discharge serves an important housekeeping function in the female reproductive system. Fluid made by glands inside the vagina and cervix carries away dead cells and bacteria. This keeps the vagina clean and helps prevent infection.
Most of the time, vaginal discharge is perfectly normal. The amount can vary, as can odor and hue (its color can range from clear to a milky white-ish), depending on the time in your menstrual cycle. For example, there will be more discharge if you are ovulating, breastfeeding, or are sexually aroused. The smell may be different if you are pregnant or you haven't been diligent about your personal hygiene.
None of those changes is cause for alarm. However, if the color, smell, or consistency seems significantly unusual, especially if it accompanied by vaginal itching or burning, you could be noticing an infection or other condition.
What causes abnormal discharge?
Any change in the vagina's balance of normal bacteria can affect the smell, color, or discharge texture. These are a few of the things that can upset that balance:
Antibiotic or steroid use
Bacterial vaginosis, a bacterial infection more common in pregnant women or women who have multiple sexual partners
Birth control pills
Cervical cancer
Chlamydia or gonorrhea (STDs), sexually transmitted infections
Diabetes
Douches, scented soaps or lotions, bubble bath
Pelvic infection after surgery
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
Trichomoniasis, a parasitic infection typically contracted and caused by having unprotected sex
Vaginal atrophy, the thinning and drying out of the vaginal walls during menopause
Vaginitis, irritation in or around the vagina
Yeast infections
and another chapter...
Green Vaginal Discharge: Why Do You Have It? How Should You Prevent and Treat It?
Vaginal discharge is normal for every woman. This is how her body protects itself from infections and performs a self-cleaning function. BUT that doesn’t mean you are to take all types of discharges for granted, especially if they are green. Green vaginal discharges are usually caused by sexually transmitted diseases and should be treated in an appropriate way.
Top 15 Symptoms of the Problem
The slightest changes in the texture, odor or color of the discharge may be the signs of a problem. They may occur due to the changes during the menstrual cycle, but you will need professional help, advice and a proper explanation of the things that caused these changes.
As a rule, green discharge is accompanied by a great number of different symptoms. Some of them are relatively mild, whereas others are severe. Regardless of the type of symptoms that you have, you should consult a professional. Keep in mind that, when left neglected, symptoms turn into problems and diseases that are hard to treat.
Symptoms that affect the genitals:
odor
genital burning and pain
vaginal itching
light bleeding/spotting
pain during sexual intercourse
Symptoms, related to the body systems:
rash
fever
burning and pain during urination
diarrhea
pelvic pain
Live-threatening symptoms:
weak pulse
high fever
sudden confusion, lethargy, delirium and hallucinations
severe abdominal or pelvic pain
severe vomiting and nausea
What Caused the Problems You Have?
As we have already mentioned, the most common causes of greenish discharge are sexually transmitted infections and diseases:
Chlamydia: the diseases caused by trachomatis, the bacterium Chlamydia;
Bacterial vaginosis: the imbalance of bacteria that involves the overgrowth of Gardnerella vaginalis;
Trichomoniasis: STD caused by protozoan parasite Trichomonas vaginalis;
Gonorrhea: another sexually transmitted disease caused by Neisseria gonorrhoeae.
The vaginal discharge that is caused by Chlamydia is more yellow than green and is characterized by a foul smell. In case you have Trichomoniasis, the discharge has a foul odor and is yellowish-green rather than pure green. Intercourse and urination may be accompanied by the discomfort and the genital area is itchy.
Normally, tests can be taken for all types of sexually transmitted diseases. These are treatable infections if a doctor prescribes proper antibiotic therapy and if you do not leave the problem neglected. Remember that these infections heighten the risks of ectopic pregnancy and infertility, infections of a woman’s reproductive organs and toxic shock syndrome. You can also spread the disease to your sexual partner.
Are STDs the Main Causes?
Yes, they are, BUT a foul-smelling, green colored discharge can also occur if there is a foreign body in your vagina (a tampon, for example). If it is there for an extended period of time, green vaginal discharge is a usual sign.
Green Vaginal Discharge and Pregnancy: Are There Reasons to Worry?
Green discharge during pregnancy is the sign of Trichomoniasis. It is normally characterized by a rather strong odor and requires immediate treatment.
What should you do with green vaginal discharge if you are pregnant? First, keep clean and perform a regular hygiene routine. Don’t use tampons to absorb the discharge. It’s better to opt for pads.
Always speak to your health care provider to ensure the safety of your baby and follow the recommendations he gives.
Is Prevention Possible?
Of course, it is! To prevent sexually transmitted diseases use a condom if you have several partners, or be intimate with one partner, who is uninfected. If you are not absolutely sure as to the safety of the intercourse and don’t trust your partner, buy special medicine that is frequently used in preventive measures before or after the intercourse. See your health professional regularly and tell him about the slightest changes in your menstrual cycle and discharges.
If it happened that you failed with preventive measures, be sure that there are possible treatment options. Sexually transmitted infections are curable if they are detected in the early stages. As a rule, one course of medicine is very helpful.
Antibiotics may be not an option in the treatment for pregnant women. However, there are other medications that are able to help.
Although green vaginal discharge is not the only change that occurs in secretions, be sure that you do everything possible to treat this condition fast.
yeah, it sounds scary but to play safe, better consult with the doctor! cure earlier than never. anyway i shall make an appointment with Dr. Tham soonest!
ishh... i am panic now!
:(
hence, i google-ed earlier and found this...
i took some credits from the google just to share with you all for the health knowledges especially women...
Vaginal discharge serves an important housekeeping function in the female reproductive system. Fluid made by glands inside the vagina and cervix carries away dead cells and bacteria. This keeps the vagina clean and helps prevent infection.
Most of the time, vaginal discharge is perfectly normal. The amount can vary, as can odor and hue (its color can range from clear to a milky white-ish), depending on the time in your menstrual cycle. For example, there will be more discharge if you are ovulating, breastfeeding, or are sexually aroused. The smell may be different if you are pregnant or you haven't been diligent about your personal hygiene.
None of those changes is cause for alarm. However, if the color, smell, or consistency seems significantly unusual, especially if it accompanied by vaginal itching or burning, you could be noticing an infection or other condition.
What causes abnormal discharge?
Any change in the vagina's balance of normal bacteria can affect the smell, color, or discharge texture. These are a few of the things that can upset that balance:
Antibiotic or steroid use
Bacterial vaginosis, a bacterial infection more common in pregnant women or women who have multiple sexual partners
Birth control pills
Cervical cancer
Chlamydia or gonorrhea (STDs), sexually transmitted infections
Diabetes
Douches, scented soaps or lotions, bubble bath
Pelvic infection after surgery
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
Trichomoniasis, a parasitic infection typically contracted and caused by having unprotected sex
Vaginal atrophy, the thinning and drying out of the vaginal walls during menopause
Vaginitis, irritation in or around the vagina
Yeast infections
and another chapter...
Green Vaginal Discharge: Why Do You Have It? How Should You Prevent and Treat It?
Vaginal discharge is normal for every woman. This is how her body protects itself from infections and performs a self-cleaning function. BUT that doesn’t mean you are to take all types of discharges for granted, especially if they are green. Green vaginal discharges are usually caused by sexually transmitted diseases and should be treated in an appropriate way.
Top 15 Symptoms of the Problem
The slightest changes in the texture, odor or color of the discharge may be the signs of a problem. They may occur due to the changes during the menstrual cycle, but you will need professional help, advice and a proper explanation of the things that caused these changes.
As a rule, green discharge is accompanied by a great number of different symptoms. Some of them are relatively mild, whereas others are severe. Regardless of the type of symptoms that you have, you should consult a professional. Keep in mind that, when left neglected, symptoms turn into problems and diseases that are hard to treat.
Symptoms that affect the genitals:
odor
genital burning and pain
vaginal itching
light bleeding/spotting
pain during sexual intercourse
Symptoms, related to the body systems:
rash
fever
burning and pain during urination
diarrhea
pelvic pain
Live-threatening symptoms:
weak pulse
high fever
sudden confusion, lethargy, delirium and hallucinations
severe abdominal or pelvic pain
severe vomiting and nausea
What Caused the Problems You Have?
As we have already mentioned, the most common causes of greenish discharge are sexually transmitted infections and diseases:
Chlamydia: the diseases caused by trachomatis, the bacterium Chlamydia;
Bacterial vaginosis: the imbalance of bacteria that involves the overgrowth of Gardnerella vaginalis;
Trichomoniasis: STD caused by protozoan parasite Trichomonas vaginalis;
Gonorrhea: another sexually transmitted disease caused by Neisseria gonorrhoeae.
The vaginal discharge that is caused by Chlamydia is more yellow than green and is characterized by a foul smell. In case you have Trichomoniasis, the discharge has a foul odor and is yellowish-green rather than pure green. Intercourse and urination may be accompanied by the discomfort and the genital area is itchy.
Normally, tests can be taken for all types of sexually transmitted diseases. These are treatable infections if a doctor prescribes proper antibiotic therapy and if you do not leave the problem neglected. Remember that these infections heighten the risks of ectopic pregnancy and infertility, infections of a woman’s reproductive organs and toxic shock syndrome. You can also spread the disease to your sexual partner.
Are STDs the Main Causes?
Yes, they are, BUT a foul-smelling, green colored discharge can also occur if there is a foreign body in your vagina (a tampon, for example). If it is there for an extended period of time, green vaginal discharge is a usual sign.
Green Vaginal Discharge and Pregnancy: Are There Reasons to Worry?
Green discharge during pregnancy is the sign of Trichomoniasis. It is normally characterized by a rather strong odor and requires immediate treatment.
What should you do with green vaginal discharge if you are pregnant? First, keep clean and perform a regular hygiene routine. Don’t use tampons to absorb the discharge. It’s better to opt for pads.
Always speak to your health care provider to ensure the safety of your baby and follow the recommendations he gives.
Is Prevention Possible?
Of course, it is! To prevent sexually transmitted diseases use a condom if you have several partners, or be intimate with one partner, who is uninfected. If you are not absolutely sure as to the safety of the intercourse and don’t trust your partner, buy special medicine that is frequently used in preventive measures before or after the intercourse. See your health professional regularly and tell him about the slightest changes in your menstrual cycle and discharges.
If it happened that you failed with preventive measures, be sure that there are possible treatment options. Sexually transmitted infections are curable if they are detected in the early stages. As a rule, one course of medicine is very helpful.
Antibiotics may be not an option in the treatment for pregnant women. However, there are other medications that are able to help.
Although green vaginal discharge is not the only change that occurs in secretions, be sure that you do everything possible to treat this condition fast.
yeah, it sounds scary but to play safe, better consult with the doctor! cure earlier than never. anyway i shall make an appointment with Dr. Tham soonest!
ishh... i am panic now!
:(
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
1st attempt of baking Chinese Sponge Cake
looking not bad eh? :)
okay i followed the recipe but this time i didn't use the paper line cup as i still have another paper cups.
but the result was not bad but the strange thing is i can't get the smell that i wanted! sighs!!!! and...
the cake is just plain, nothing to feel such like sweet? totally plain... perhaps i forgot to pour the fine sugar during processing?? OMG... but still can consume, this is suitable for those diabetes people because this is non-sweet cake though... hehe!
the next round, i must use the paper line cup to bake this sponge cake! maybe different outcome?
i shall wait and see...
xxx
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
birthday present again :)
ain't this nicer? haha... just got my birthday present yesterday! she knew i love baking hence she bought this as a present for my belated birthday as she would not join us for the birthday lunch, this is a birthday replacement for me... i appreciate her kindness and thoughtful! ♥
thanks to Miss Lim :)
i supposed to update my blog about my latest update but i was too busy until neglected my blog...
and today i am sharing the joyful news... :)
life is blessed ♥
xxx
a blissful Tuesday :)
just had a blissful lunch with my lovely colleagues... they are not a couple but good friends of mine. just grateful with this way! life is good ♥ we supposed to have the Japanese lunch but i didn't intend to the same place as we used to have there for previous celebrations... it seems slightly boring to me! indeed... haha... hence, i chosen another one but it's not available, i mean it's not opened yet!
no idea what to eat... walked and happened to see another colleagues and they asked me go to try that new restaurant since they are going there as well. no doubts, we went there and had it...
the restaurant is similar to the opposite restaurant called "Mizi Shabu Shabu" but they are providing the free chinese tea as well as refills, 3 types of soups and more food to select... the price is almost same with that Mizi Shabu Shabu... the food is okay. but i notice very few people visit this restaurant. am not sure about this though...
okay share the pix...
no idea what to eat... walked and happened to see another colleagues and they asked me go to try that new restaurant since they are going there as well. no doubts, we went there and had it...
the restaurant is similar to the opposite restaurant called "Mizi Shabu Shabu" but they are providing the free chinese tea as well as refills, 3 types of soups and more food to select... the price is almost same with that Mizi Shabu Shabu... the food is okay. but i notice very few people visit this restaurant. am not sure about this though...
okay share the pix...
and taa daa....
this is my lunch set...
i chosen the herbal soup! it looks yummy plus i love the herbal food... indeed... haha... my another colleagues took the same set... but i didn't capture earlier because i was busy with my lunch!
oh well, so far so good... :)
the lunch is on them as they are celebrating my belated birthday... hehe...
life is blessed!
xxx
Monday, January 7, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
another day...
today is so bright in the morning... and the daddy still counts the bills to pay the debts. as usually of course i help him to pay some as he is not afford to settle the debts as his salary is not higher though.
oh well, ain't he a MAN?
how come he rather to ask me to pay debts all together than working harder to provide a better life for us? when i mentioned that i am sending our daughter to tuition this month, he doesn't seem to be happy and asking me to stop sending her by next month...
i was huh...?
look at him, i realised he never knew how much important the studies in the future. of course i don't want my children follow his step which the daddy is not from the educated family. nobody encourages how much important about the future and the education only can promises the future!
i feel much upset with him. he keeps delaying those useful courses for the children instead rising the issue which that we have been living in a rented house for years. hello... to know about this, shall not we work harder then??
i am planning to get a house now. but he keeps bubbling about the price, the monthly installments and etc.
i got no idea what does he want actually? he gets worried about fail to have own house and worrying so many things that are not concerned!
oh well, i just work out accordingly my plans. hope everything is fine with me.
don't know that i shall say he is an useless guy or a coward guy???
(facepalm)
xxx
oh well, ain't he a MAN?
how come he rather to ask me to pay debts all together than working harder to provide a better life for us? when i mentioned that i am sending our daughter to tuition this month, he doesn't seem to be happy and asking me to stop sending her by next month...
i was huh...?
look at him, i realised he never knew how much important the studies in the future. of course i don't want my children follow his step which the daddy is not from the educated family. nobody encourages how much important about the future and the education only can promises the future!
i feel much upset with him. he keeps delaying those useful courses for the children instead rising the issue which that we have been living in a rented house for years. hello... to know about this, shall not we work harder then??
i am planning to get a house now. but he keeps bubbling about the price, the monthly installments and etc.
i got no idea what does he want actually? he gets worried about fail to have own house and worrying so many things that are not concerned!
oh well, i just work out accordingly my plans. hope everything is fine with me.
don't know that i shall say he is an useless guy or a coward guy???
(facepalm)
xxx
Saturday, January 5, 2013
an hour to go...
the life is blessed... i have a lot of friends to care and love me apart from my family... i am thankful for this such blissful life... indeed :)
i have a great birthday this year! anyway, i just steal some time to share...
♥ life is good ♥
before it hits by 12am tomorow, i would like to wish a very Happy Birthday to ME ♥
and hope my life is full with happiness and health... ;)
made mistakes in my life?
i have been surfing on my FB recently and found there are so many quotes posted by one of my mutual friends almost everyday. oh well i am really impressed by his strength and happy character although he is stressed sometimes... at his age, i can see how matured he is now although he is aged. he has a positive mindset which i am really admiring :)
i can't believe that i have been made a lot of mistakes in my life... indeed... this quote is picked from him which is driving me to realize where i am now... hmm i know i have been missing so many things already. hope i chase back my dreams which i haven't achieved yet!
just a saying?
xxx
i know u know...
for many years... i know who are there for me the most of times... i am thankful for those people who care me the most!!! who else is apart from my love family! my parent, my sister and my brother... never forget my utmost supporters, my children :)
without them, i may not being where i am now... they are playing the most important roles in my life.
apart from these, i am thankful for those who made me surviving till today. my life is real tougher than ordinary person which is unable to take the heavy blows... i have been gone thru ups and downs, i learned the experiences thru this journey of life...
those bad histories and memories, i left behind and step forward to the bright sides since he has never changed from a very first day until now and i am totally giving up for now. i couldn't ask more for this and i am physically and mentally tiring now.
hence, i just want my children grow up in a health and happy environment. the parent plays the important role to educate the children but the way he does is totally different. he could beats and screams before teaching them which is against my ideas in the parenting learning ways!!! anyway i don't want to complain more because he never studied himself first so i better shut up!
oh well... it's late now and i shall get a rest!
xxx
without them, i may not being where i am now... they are playing the most important roles in my life.
apart from these, i am thankful for those who made me surviving till today. my life is real tougher than ordinary person which is unable to take the heavy blows... i have been gone thru ups and downs, i learned the experiences thru this journey of life...
those bad histories and memories, i left behind and step forward to the bright sides since he has never changed from a very first day until now and i am totally giving up for now. i couldn't ask more for this and i am physically and mentally tiring now.
hence, i just want my children grow up in a health and happy environment. the parent plays the important role to educate the children but the way he does is totally different. he could beats and screams before teaching them which is against my ideas in the parenting learning ways!!! anyway i don't want to complain more because he never studied himself first so i better shut up!
oh well... it's late now and i shall get a rest!
xxx
happy birthday to me
my birthday is today...
happy birthday to me :)
my wishes are simpler!!!
i hope everything is good... look at bright side... i want to be a new brand of myself!
xxx
Friday, January 4, 2013
raining cats and dogs
it's raining cats and dogs right now... was thinking what to prepare the dinner later? either to get cooking or just going out to have dinner but i am kinda lazy plus the heavy rain at outside.
the time shows 6.30pm now and i get nothing now unless baking ingredients... haha. oh yeah i owed someone for my homemade baking but i didn't make it at last and he left. never mind lar, i think there's a plenty of chances in the future and i will never stop baking :)
will keep it up and polish more on my baking skills... hehe
my son is watching the Mickey Mouse cartoon right now, he never gets bored with Mickey Mouse! haha... that's his favorite when he was a baby!
yeah he chosen that himself but sooner his tastes has changed into more car craze fan and more toys which are more into boys's... rather than girlish things BUT there was once he played the Barbie dolls... OMG!!!! O_o
and even colored on his nails! haha... he was humiliated once when he was attending to Tae Kwan Do class in his kindergarten, can't imagined how he responded when his classmates laughed at him for the colorful nails! he kept sitting and didn't want to learn the class until ended... that is caused i called it quit... didn't intend to waste another money for this class since he didn't show any interests on this!
since then, he really showed what is the real man... haha but sometimes he would cries :)
sometimes he needs to be pampered!
oh well...
xxx
the time shows 6.30pm now and i get nothing now unless baking ingredients... haha. oh yeah i owed someone for my homemade baking but i didn't make it at last and he left. never mind lar, i think there's a plenty of chances in the future and i will never stop baking :)
will keep it up and polish more on my baking skills... hehe
my son is watching the Mickey Mouse cartoon right now, he never gets bored with Mickey Mouse! haha... that's his favorite when he was a baby!
yeah he chosen that himself but sooner his tastes has changed into more car craze fan and more toys which are more into boys's... rather than girlish things BUT there was once he played the Barbie dolls... OMG!!!! O_o
and even colored on his nails! haha... he was humiliated once when he was attending to Tae Kwan Do class in his kindergarten, can't imagined how he responded when his classmates laughed at him for the colorful nails! he kept sitting and didn't want to learn the class until ended... that is caused i called it quit... didn't intend to waste another money for this class since he didn't show any interests on this!
since then, he really showed what is the real man... haha but sometimes he would cries :)
sometimes he needs to be pampered!
oh well...
xxx
1TB Seagate Portable Drive
i just got these two new Seagate Portable Drive yesterday morning to replace my old hardisk and i was thinking of my old Hitachi hardisk which could NOT be recovered already... the report was out and the scratch plate had seriously damaged! there's no solutions for this...
my mind was paused a while...
thinking about my past projects which i had been worked hard since i joined this company for first day until now is GONE!
year 2010-2012 projects FOREVER GONE!!!! *heartbroken*
:(
there's no turn back or what... i better move on and look forward the better! to think i need to redo all over again. no choice!
homemade blueberry swiss roll
my colleague, Ms Lim gave me this Blueberry Swiss Roll yesterday morning when she reached office!
thought she was real nicer to me... not like usual one... haha... i thought she is stingy sometimes because i seldom or never give her at all...
oh well, she made this by herself... :)
real nicer and not so sweet though! thumb ups!
i love this taste!!!! yummmmm....
yeah thanks to Ms Lim :)
another one was a red bean filling with green tea cake which was given by another colleague earlier, that was a birthday cake actually and i didn't really fancy it though.
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