i feel so miserable right now. not that first time i have encounter but long long time ago...
and...
i found this is something that i shall not to put too much loves... *long sighs* as a big sister and an eldest daughter in the family... i myself don't know whether do i receive a lot of loves from everyone? sometimes i notice that my both younger siblings, they are indeed blessed much more than me, looking at them... they have good friends, have better livings, and etc which i don't have now after 10 years as i spoke previously, there's no much changes in my life. indeed it is... now i can't blame my hubs or everyone. one thing is i could blame myself for choosing this path! but since i had chosen this path, there's no U-turn anymore. i have to go on my living despite of living in the great pains with silent mode... perhaps after my late mummy passed away that time, i started to be very lonely... very very lonely that time as my dad always outstation every weekends, my brother was busy with his things, his guitar class and etc whilst my sister was busy with her job, her boyfriend and etc. none paid attentions on me that time and everyday after college, i would go home and spending all the time on the cyber chat / internet... very lonely i tell ya!
i found many new friends from cyber chats, that time only got ICQ# which was popular, the rest like Skype, MSN Messenger or Yahoo Messenger were not coming yet... everyday i chatted by ICQ# that time...
some of new friends i have found thru cyber chats, are available till today, it has been more than 10 years... oh well, most of them are guys as well as married with the kids :) we still contact till now, just that we are busy with our livings!
hmm... back to the topic - - - i was very lonely and very independent that time... unlike my sister, she can't be lonely or what, go where also needs a companion but me? i go where also don't have friends to go together, if got also seldom...
i still remember there was once time after college, i drove old car, yes my late mummy's blue Daihatsu to One Utama shopping mall that time hasn't built the new wing, only old wing. i went shopping alone and having the lunch alone as well...
very lonely eh? i tell ya, i was so lonely until sooo desperated someone to love and care me...
apart from that, i was independently doing all by myself. i also helped my siblings by fetching them to school / the work place when my daddy was not available or away.
looks at my both siblings, they are so far much luckier than me... settle down after everything is satisfied to them. unlike me, i was rushing to get married because of an accident. and the life was totally changed after married and had the first child with him... for those years with the hubs and the first child was not 100% fun although the first child had cheered up my life despite of arguing with the hubs almost everyday!!! that time we were too young and naive... of course i had to tolerante with him a lot since his attitudes were not that so good, always worked up and emotionally arguing with me for no reasons... sometimes beat me too.
oh well, it's the history now...
and sometimes i feel unhappy about myself!!! blame myself sometimes... i also thought it must be something's wrong with myself.
to be continued...
xxx
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
just a rambling of mine...
just now my eldest sister-in-law whatsapp-ed in family board... asking anyone go back on 5th May - election time??!!
firstly, i didn't want to reply her but i replied her eventually. i tried to push my uncomfortable feel at aside and spoke as usual. oh well, she was happy that everyone is home on 5th May and she spoke that the second sister-in-law has bought a new Myvi. i was pretty surprised because i thought she was still thinking as she had spoke that his father had asked her to buy Alza so that he can use the Alza whilst the Waja is given to her...
she found this is ridiculous because the car is barely new and letting him to use? she would not to... hmm... who knows? his father's face is really thick! don't know what is the shame? oh well... perhaps that's just my thought but not her... since they are father and daughter after all, only she can decides for that.
as for me, i still couldn't accept this family in my life... indeed... and my hubs of course knew it so well but he could choose to ignore me since he chosen this family rather than me.
that's fine...
i don't mind...
since i knew my status as a wife is not longer important for him anymore... he could just ignores me anytime he wants to... and as a daughter-in-law in this family seems not important anymore for them as they don't really care me and my children!
oh well... perhaps these are my ramblings. i don't know what do they think about me and my kids. but i knew it would not be a good conclusion. anyway, no points if i still talk rubbishes right now.
and i don't know what have my hubs told them about me... perhaps he told them that i don't like them, don't like go back to his hometown and etc...
never mind... if my hubs is behaving like this, i guess there's no point for us to live together as a man and wife since there's no mutual understandings between me and him and he rather chooses his family over me...
i still remember when i first married to my hubs, i was accepting them as a family of mine and had treated them well but after a few years since we moved back to my homeland, and working here too... the children started to school here too and etc...
and sooner, when first sister-in law found her happiness, i was happy for her and etc... but the situation has changed after she had a first child and the second sister-in-law was called to work with her husband in Malacca... this was how the story changed... i started to feel awkward with them and etc... the worse part was when my children were treated invisibly... and the husband of first sister-in-law didn't treat my son when my son requested or talked with him! what kind of this way they gave to my children and made my children felt miserable although they were innocent and didn't know what happened surrounding of them.
indeed, my children are blessed to have uncle and aunt from the maternal siblings, they really love them like own children and would teach them when they did mistakes. unlike to my hubs's siblings, when my children did mistakes, they didn't teach them but choose to ignore them just like that and leaving to my hubs to scold them... of course my children didn't feel happy about this at times...
only if they were in my hubs's hometown, different story already!!!!
my hubs didn't see clearly but another people could see the whole story... so? i can't comment these though... only if another people in this picture would knew more than my hubs. why i knew about these? because as a mummy, of course i watched obviously on my children and how people would treat them...
when people said my children naughty and my hubs also agreed with them without knowing that they are his own children and he should knows them more than anyone right?
i find this is really ridiculous especially when my hubs put the faults on our children when people said our children were doing that and this...? they never knew they have their kids as well and their kids are not naughty? why so?
please use your brains lar!
i am really upset everytime i think about this and witness the whole picture when we are in his hometown...
*long sighs*
anyway, is okay... i shall voice out rather than bottle inside my heart... at least i feel relieved to know i protect my children well...
May God bless and protect them...
xxx
firstly, i didn't want to reply her but i replied her eventually. i tried to push my uncomfortable feel at aside and spoke as usual. oh well, she was happy that everyone is home on 5th May and she spoke that the second sister-in-law has bought a new Myvi. i was pretty surprised because i thought she was still thinking as she had spoke that his father had asked her to buy Alza so that he can use the Alza whilst the Waja is given to her...
she found this is ridiculous because the car is barely new and letting him to use? she would not to... hmm... who knows? his father's face is really thick! don't know what is the shame? oh well... perhaps that's just my thought but not her... since they are father and daughter after all, only she can decides for that.
as for me, i still couldn't accept this family in my life... indeed... and my hubs of course knew it so well but he could choose to ignore me since he chosen this family rather than me.
that's fine...
i don't mind...
since i knew my status as a wife is not longer important for him anymore... he could just ignores me anytime he wants to... and as a daughter-in-law in this family seems not important anymore for them as they don't really care me and my children!
oh well... perhaps these are my ramblings. i don't know what do they think about me and my kids. but i knew it would not be a good conclusion. anyway, no points if i still talk rubbishes right now.
and i don't know what have my hubs told them about me... perhaps he told them that i don't like them, don't like go back to his hometown and etc...
never mind... if my hubs is behaving like this, i guess there's no point for us to live together as a man and wife since there's no mutual understandings between me and him and he rather chooses his family over me...
i still remember when i first married to my hubs, i was accepting them as a family of mine and had treated them well but after a few years since we moved back to my homeland, and working here too... the children started to school here too and etc...
and sooner, when first sister-in law found her happiness, i was happy for her and etc... but the situation has changed after she had a first child and the second sister-in-law was called to work with her husband in Malacca... this was how the story changed... i started to feel awkward with them and etc... the worse part was when my children were treated invisibly... and the husband of first sister-in-law didn't treat my son when my son requested or talked with him! what kind of this way they gave to my children and made my children felt miserable although they were innocent and didn't know what happened surrounding of them.
indeed, my children are blessed to have uncle and aunt from the maternal siblings, they really love them like own children and would teach them when they did mistakes. unlike to my hubs's siblings, when my children did mistakes, they didn't teach them but choose to ignore them just like that and leaving to my hubs to scold them... of course my children didn't feel happy about this at times...
only if they were in my hubs's hometown, different story already!!!!
my hubs didn't see clearly but another people could see the whole story... so? i can't comment these though... only if another people in this picture would knew more than my hubs. why i knew about these? because as a mummy, of course i watched obviously on my children and how people would treat them...
when people said my children naughty and my hubs also agreed with them without knowing that they are his own children and he should knows them more than anyone right?
i find this is really ridiculous especially when my hubs put the faults on our children when people said our children were doing that and this...? they never knew they have their kids as well and their kids are not naughty? why so?
please use your brains lar!
i am really upset everytime i think about this and witness the whole picture when we are in his hometown...
*long sighs*
anyway, is okay... i shall voice out rather than bottle inside my heart... at least i feel relieved to know i protect my children well...
May God bless and protect them...
xxx
my dreams to stay in Australia permanently... ♥
since small until now i had always longing for migrating to the overseas as well as staying there! i don't wish to live in Malaysia as i prefer the life style there. flexible, peace and happy!
i still remember when i was in college days, i even prepared myself to fly to Australia. that time i was just 20. but something stopped me at that time. perhaps, i couldn't just leave my family or my family might worried sick of me as i live in Australia all alone without any close members. although i have some relatives in Australia but we were not that close because they were my daddy's half brother and family and i barely to call him "uncle" or speak with them when i was small. oh well, just skip this. there's no U-turn anymore :(
apart from that, i also wanted to provide a better education for my children as i knew Malaysia is not able to provide a better promising one. maybe? this is my thought but what i meant is my longing dream to stay in Australia :)
Australia is a country which i really love to... :) plus it is just a neighbor to Malaysia... perhaps it would be either Melbourne, Adelaide or Brisbane. it would be greater if i live nearby Gold Coast... *evil grin*
since i am married to my hubs, everything that i had dreamed is gone! i think my hubs is able not to giving me what i want... there's beyond the limits! and i am not satisfied still after 10 years... and i got nothing... i really thought this is quite wasteful of mine!!!! 10 years spent time with him but nothing to get... instead of arguing for nothing and never had any improvements in 10 years... everything remains the same despite of there is still slightly changing but not 100%... *long sighs, there's a long ways to achieve!!!... *
i think by that time when i am ready to migrate, maybe it would be slightly late for me... but i still hope it would be later than never :)
perhaps it is...
just a thought for now...
xxx
Monday, April 22, 2013
Monday Blues!!!
it's Monday again! duno whether it's a good thing or what? anyway, it's still a Monday blues to me... oh well, i had tried to get some rests this latest days! so far so good, i think it should be fine by now as i still freshly awake! hehe... glad that i had left my daddy place earlier on that Saturday, around 4pm... thought of leaving earlier due to insisted by my son and my hubs would complains again if i go home at late hour as he can't tahan being all alone in the house! *padan muka* so i tried to adjust my timing to reach home not too late.
oh well, just a right timing when we reached home. i hopped the bed and had a long rest until 7pm :)
i thought it was a great feeling as i had slept soundly without any disturbs! hehe...
at that night, we went to Sunway Pyramid as it was my hubs's wish. didn't know what was his purpose this time... and oh no... my daughter still felt unwell... we had porridges. and there was a Harvey Norman promotion, my hubs just thought of getting a new LED TV! at beginning i was not agreeing because we were really out of budget and at home, TV was just fine although there was slightly damaged. i mean we can't watch NTV, not at all but can't watch clearly... don't know whether it's the aerial problem or TV problem? *long sighs*
in case if i said i didn't want to buy, my hubs would be fuming mad! i found this is really childish and i never thought of getting the LED TV for now... but he seemed really driving me nuts as if we bought it, we shall pay 1/2 each other... after all, not my wish anyway... it's his wish why should i pay? it's really funny!!!
sighs!!!!
hate this so much!!! and he could never understands me! i don't want pay meant i really never pay for what i don't want to buy BUT he forced me to this!!!! seriously i speak, i never thought of getting LED TV for now... not now... maybe later coz i never think this is really an important thing that we should buy one??? really ridiculous!
never mind... we bought already! and the hubs was happy and i was not happy in silent mode... yes, i was damn angry but what to do???!!!!
and next Sunday morning, he was busy cleaning the house, he threw the things that i didn't know what he tried to throw... and scolded everyone in the morning... i really pissed off with his attitudes! how nice if he is kicked out and by that time, we would be feeling peace!!! the world would be peace without him around! yes! the children also don't like him though! it doesn't mean they don't like him, just don't like the way how he treats them ridiculously...
even my daughter also asked me why daddy always get angry over small issues? i also don't know how to answer because not only her, me also!!!!
sighs... don't know who is terrible indeed? me or him?
sometimes i am not happy with him!!!!
sounds like i force pretending to be happy with him but in fact, i am not happy! his attitudes really terrible... i don't know what are another people look at him???!!!
maybe they thought he is a nice guy but hello, maybe he is a nice guy for friends. but to a family? i don't think so... even everything is also paid 1/2 each other and he is not that generous to pay for this family... not only this family BUT to my family as well... he never thought of paying either lunch or dinner for my daddy!
terrible eh?
but my daddy is too nice, he doesn't mind and never complains coz the hubs is not his own son and he doesn't have the right to scold or ask him to do this and that...
sometimes i really can't tahan with the hubs!
for sure...
my mind sometimes really wanna gonna crazy!
but i am just be super patient... 100%...
don't know who should be patient over who? me or him?
he even spoke that he can't tahan with me? but for your informations, the children also can't tahan with him.... so?
i really don't know what to do later...
my heart is really broken and slightly losing the feelings for this family...
sometimes i feel wanna run away with my children!
run away from him...
i believe nobody can't tahan with his attitudes if they live with him....
unless his own family because his own family understands him too well...
for those friends? good luck! as long as he treats his friends, that's good... otherwise, he will treats the friend like shit...
haih...
don't know whether i talk rubbishes today? my mood is really bad larr....
xxx
oh well, just a right timing when we reached home. i hopped the bed and had a long rest until 7pm :)
i thought it was a great feeling as i had slept soundly without any disturbs! hehe...
at that night, we went to Sunway Pyramid as it was my hubs's wish. didn't know what was his purpose this time... and oh no... my daughter still felt unwell... we had porridges. and there was a Harvey Norman promotion, my hubs just thought of getting a new LED TV! at beginning i was not agreeing because we were really out of budget and at home, TV was just fine although there was slightly damaged. i mean we can't watch NTV, not at all but can't watch clearly... don't know whether it's the aerial problem or TV problem? *long sighs*
in case if i said i didn't want to buy, my hubs would be fuming mad! i found this is really childish and i never thought of getting the LED TV for now... but he seemed really driving me nuts as if we bought it, we shall pay 1/2 each other... after all, not my wish anyway... it's his wish why should i pay? it's really funny!!!
sighs!!!!
hate this so much!!! and he could never understands me! i don't want pay meant i really never pay for what i don't want to buy BUT he forced me to this!!!! seriously i speak, i never thought of getting LED TV for now... not now... maybe later coz i never think this is really an important thing that we should buy one??? really ridiculous!
never mind... we bought already! and the hubs was happy and i was not happy in silent mode... yes, i was damn angry but what to do???!!!!
and next Sunday morning, he was busy cleaning the house, he threw the things that i didn't know what he tried to throw... and scolded everyone in the morning... i really pissed off with his attitudes! how nice if he is kicked out and by that time, we would be feeling peace!!! the world would be peace without him around! yes! the children also don't like him though! it doesn't mean they don't like him, just don't like the way how he treats them ridiculously...
even my daughter also asked me why daddy always get angry over small issues? i also don't know how to answer because not only her, me also!!!!
sighs... don't know who is terrible indeed? me or him?
sometimes i am not happy with him!!!!
sounds like i force pretending to be happy with him but in fact, i am not happy! his attitudes really terrible... i don't know what are another people look at him???!!!
maybe they thought he is a nice guy but hello, maybe he is a nice guy for friends. but to a family? i don't think so... even everything is also paid 1/2 each other and he is not that generous to pay for this family... not only this family BUT to my family as well... he never thought of paying either lunch or dinner for my daddy!
terrible eh?
but my daddy is too nice, he doesn't mind and never complains coz the hubs is not his own son and he doesn't have the right to scold or ask him to do this and that...
sometimes i really can't tahan with the hubs!
for sure...
my mind sometimes really wanna gonna crazy!
but i am just be super patient... 100%...
don't know who should be patient over who? me or him?
he even spoke that he can't tahan with me? but for your informations, the children also can't tahan with him.... so?
i really don't know what to do later...
my heart is really broken and slightly losing the feelings for this family...
sometimes i feel wanna run away with my children!
run away from him...
i believe nobody can't tahan with his attitudes if they live with him....
unless his own family because his own family understands him too well...
for those friends? good luck! as long as he treats his friends, that's good... otherwise, he will treats the friend like shit...
haih...
don't know whether i talk rubbishes today? my mood is really bad larr....
xxx
Saturday, April 20, 2013
a tiring and hectic week!
over this week, i was really busier than usual but my hubs never helped me out unless i nagged him then only he helped out... sad huh? anyway, just ignore this...
this week was really hectic... 1st day of this week (Monday) we went to MBB nearby, to make transfer the KWSP withdraw to my hubs's current account but failed because i forgot to bring the passbook! my hubs was fuming mad!!!
last week, my hubs was nagging and even cursed that if i still do again, he would repays the same! sounded very childish which i was absolutely hate very much! just like the case where he was sick and i left him with the kids to visit either my sister or my daddy previously, he also spoke that when i get sick, he would leave me with the children to go out... i notice he is really childish!!! very narrow-hearted indeed!!!! but, for your information, he was just sick with the running nose, cough and fever... not that even worse, he still can walk and eat by himself. he still mad for this small issue? EXCEPT he is in the hospital, i would be with his side all the time! how come he was sooo irrational! childish!!!!!!!
very stupid of him!
whatever it is... i am so sick of his stupid attitudes!
following the day which was on 2nd days, we went to MBB again but this time was next to Tesco and gladly that MBB was less people compared to the earliest MBB that we went a day before. oh well, it took half hour to get done. and my hubs was happier that the amount of money had transfered to his current account, of course not for him! that's for our new nest!
and on Thursday i got an appointment with my friend to be a model of her... she learns make up. i needed to go to Sri Petaling where she took course. i told my hubs and he was....
in my mind, why he can't help me and be fair to me?
because when he goes out at night with his friends, i never complain or what, i could just work at home and take care of the children from the dinner, bath time until sleep time. so what he can do when i am not around? he could just spends more on the pc until a very late time and the kids were not bathing and not sleeping yet!!!
this time, when i go out, i even gently reminded him to get the children done before he could has his own leisure time! make sure the children are well prepared already by that time i come home...
oh well, i am so tired today yet it's Saturday half day. working time!!!! stupid!
yesterday i had tried to bake the pavlova but it seemed not successful this time because the meringue was going to be weird! not like as what the recipe showed... *long sighs*
xxx
this week was really hectic... 1st day of this week (Monday) we went to MBB nearby, to make transfer the KWSP withdraw to my hubs's current account but failed because i forgot to bring the passbook! my hubs was fuming mad!!!
last week, my hubs was nagging and even cursed that if i still do again, he would repays the same! sounded very childish which i was absolutely hate very much! just like the case where he was sick and i left him with the kids to visit either my sister or my daddy previously, he also spoke that when i get sick, he would leave me with the children to go out... i notice he is really childish!!! very narrow-hearted indeed!!!! but, for your information, he was just sick with the running nose, cough and fever... not that even worse, he still can walk and eat by himself. he still mad for this small issue? EXCEPT he is in the hospital, i would be with his side all the time! how come he was sooo irrational! childish!!!!!!!
very stupid of him!
whatever it is... i am so sick of his stupid attitudes!
following the day which was on 2nd days, we went to MBB again but this time was next to Tesco and gladly that MBB was less people compared to the earliest MBB that we went a day before. oh well, it took half hour to get done. and my hubs was happier that the amount of money had transfered to his current account, of course not for him! that's for our new nest!
and on Thursday i got an appointment with my friend to be a model of her... she learns make up. i needed to go to Sri Petaling where she took course. i told my hubs and he was....
in my mind, why he can't help me and be fair to me?
because when he goes out at night with his friends, i never complain or what, i could just work at home and take care of the children from the dinner, bath time until sleep time. so what he can do when i am not around? he could just spends more on the pc until a very late time and the kids were not bathing and not sleeping yet!!!
this time, when i go out, i even gently reminded him to get the children done before he could has his own leisure time! make sure the children are well prepared already by that time i come home...
oh well, i am so tired today yet it's Saturday half day. working time!!!! stupid!
yesterday i had tried to bake the pavlova but it seemed not successful this time because the meringue was going to be weird! not like as what the recipe showed... *long sighs*
xxx
Thursday, April 18, 2013
what a day!
i had few tiffs with my hubby over these weeks... i started to lose my feeling and thinking about him because whatever we do are really against to our ideas most of the times... sadly, i must say he is really "kiasu" and very stubborn!
those people are surrounding him would understand even better than those stranger!
hmm... suddenly i assumed i miss someone right now. what kind of this feeling? it seems pushing me away!!!!! hate this so much!
xxx
those people are surrounding him would understand even better than those stranger!
hmm... suddenly i assumed i miss someone right now. what kind of this feeling? it seems pushing me away!!!!! hate this so much!
xxx
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
might not going to Pulau Lang Tengah
i was having the lunch with my colleagues, WC and Mr Chan earlier... we spoke about the company trip to Pulau Lang Tengah... guess what?!!
they are not going!
so i double-thought of that coz normally i will be in one room with WC but now if i am going, to whom i shall share a room? plus i don't know with 2nd and 3rd floors's colleagues that close... and the whole 1st floor colleagues are not going except A...
if i am going, there'll be only me and A... i find this is really not fun at all... hence, i just forget it although i really wanted to go and snorkeling! but no choice... never mind! there'll be any chances to visit that island :)
but sadly this 1st floor colleagues don't go... *long sighs*
:(
xxx
they are not going!
so i double-thought of that coz normally i will be in one room with WC but now if i am going, to whom i shall share a room? plus i don't know with 2nd and 3rd floors's colleagues that close... and the whole 1st floor colleagues are not going except A...
if i am going, there'll be only me and A... i find this is really not fun at all... hence, i just forget it although i really wanted to go and snorkeling! but no choice... never mind! there'll be any chances to visit that island :)
but sadly this 1st floor colleagues don't go... *long sighs*
:(
xxx
TGIF - - -
oh well, it's Friday here again... the time flies so fast! it's fast-forwarded to this month of April... can't imagine it though! like what i had a conversation with my lil brother another day, he also spoke that time flied so fast! in a blink of eye from the month of January, this is April again...
*sweat*
i guess i have so many things need to chase... i have my own plans! but i am currently working, it's difficult for me to settle my things unless i take off a few days or totally quit... *thinking*
by the way, my company will have a trip to Pulau Lang Tengah in coming July soon but since this is not only involved Sdn. Bhd but Holding as well... One company would be going together! not like last year which we went Pulau Redang with Sdn. Bhd. only.
i thought it was great to travel to Pulau Lang Tengah but when i asked my colleagues, they thought it was not a good idea because we need to get ride with the bus for more than 10 hours from company depart to Pulau Lang Tengah destination. hence, i have to double think because i can't join them without my colleague, WC who i always share the room. so i just remain the silence and let them decide because i heard WC said she wanna suggest to HR that we all wanna to change the place or change the transport to the plane rather than taking the bus for 10 hours, that's scary! now we wait and see what else HR would announce later.
hmm...
oh no! i miss the dimple guy again... wondering how is he lately? anyway, i don't wanna to disturb him. i don't wish he calls me Madam again... this is really crazy of him! i just ignore this matter since this is not important for us neither... plus if i greet him more than he does, he would thinks i fell in love with him... that's hilarious!
xxx
*sweat*
i guess i have so many things need to chase... i have my own plans! but i am currently working, it's difficult for me to settle my things unless i take off a few days or totally quit... *thinking*
by the way, my company will have a trip to Pulau Lang Tengah in coming July soon but since this is not only involved Sdn. Bhd but Holding as well... One company would be going together! not like last year which we went Pulau Redang with Sdn. Bhd. only.
i thought it was great to travel to Pulau Lang Tengah but when i asked my colleagues, they thought it was not a good idea because we need to get ride with the bus for more than 10 hours from company depart to Pulau Lang Tengah destination. hence, i have to double think because i can't join them without my colleague, WC who i always share the room. so i just remain the silence and let them decide because i heard WC said she wanna suggest to HR that we all wanna to change the place or change the transport to the plane rather than taking the bus for 10 hours, that's scary! now we wait and see what else HR would announce later.
hmm...
oh no! i miss the dimple guy again... wondering how is he lately? anyway, i don't wanna to disturb him. i don't wish he calls me Madam again... this is really crazy of him! i just ignore this matter since this is not important for us neither... plus if i greet him more than he does, he would thinks i fell in love with him... that's hilarious!
xxx
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
PAVLOVA
thanks for one of my dear colleagues who shared this kind of cake with me earlier, when she mentioned "PAVLOVA", i was .....?
"huh... whats that"
and she showed me these pictures... and i was impressed when saw these pictures!!!!!
"huh... whats that"
and she showed me these pictures... and i was impressed when saw these pictures!!!!!
*pictures from sources*
hence, i google-d about this Pavlova. this Pavlova is named for the dessert after the Russian ballet, Anna Pavlova. it's made from a meringue based dessert with a crisp crust and soft, light inside mixed with fruits. the dessert is believed to be created in honor of the dancer either during or after one of her tours to Australia and New Zealand in the 1920an. these are similar to fruit cakes BUT actually is NOT... they taste much more to sweet and sour! good for appetite though :)
btw, this recipe is so simple, just needs egg whites and caster sugar! plus fruits as much as they could topping :)
awww.... i can't wait to bake this pavlova any sooner... since i myself love the fruits as well ;) besides that, it applies to the children's interest as well since the children like the meringue too!
♥
Monday, April 8, 2013
so stressed!!!!
everyday i am so stressed not only about my working life, but including many things such like my family, my family-in-law, my children, my husband, my "future" business, my siblings, my life, and etc... which drove me a million of NUTS...
i need a break sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!
arghhh...
i am so stressed when thinking about these. i knew there's nobody would help me for these. only i can help myself but HOW? nobody instructs me to do this and that because they are NOT me and I am NOT them... so we have different thinkings and life as well...
i admitted i am getting tired lately due to many reasons... as i spoke in previous entry, we had bought an unit but it took a long period to get done. perhaps 2 months time?
hmm...
regarding the child care business, it seems a nightmare to me because i don't have a certificate and may be difficult to run this.... :(
don't know shall i chase my dreams?
sometimes it could be joking with me!!!
*facepalm*
oh well, i have always complained about my hubs and his family but now i seem to fed up! don't know why and i feel not right to care about them now... whatever it is...
and my family...
i really don't see there's a warm family though!!!
especially when my daughter gets sick and my daddy complained...
and when my sister's son gets sick, does my daddy complain? i don't see them though. hmm... perhaps my sister's son is not under my parent care so they don't complain that much!...
and i am so sick of coming to work!!! looks at my repeated assignments, i feel like wanna "vomit"...
long sighs...
i am really stressed and nobody understands how i feel now and i could be gonna crazy anytime if too much pressures!!!
:(
xxx
i need a break sooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!
arghhh...
i am so stressed when thinking about these. i knew there's nobody would help me for these. only i can help myself but HOW? nobody instructs me to do this and that because they are NOT me and I am NOT them... so we have different thinkings and life as well...
i admitted i am getting tired lately due to many reasons... as i spoke in previous entry, we had bought an unit but it took a long period to get done. perhaps 2 months time?
hmm...
regarding the child care business, it seems a nightmare to me because i don't have a certificate and may be difficult to run this.... :(
don't know shall i chase my dreams?
sometimes it could be joking with me!!!
*facepalm*
oh well, i have always complained about my hubs and his family but now i seem to fed up! don't know why and i feel not right to care about them now... whatever it is...
and my family...
i really don't see there's a warm family though!!!
especially when my daughter gets sick and my daddy complained...
and when my sister's son gets sick, does my daddy complain? i don't see them though. hmm... perhaps my sister's son is not under my parent care so they don't complain that much!...
and i am so sick of coming to work!!! looks at my repeated assignments, i feel like wanna "vomit"...
long sighs...
i am really stressed and nobody understands how i feel now and i could be gonna crazy anytime if too much pressures!!!
:(
xxx
Friday, April 5, 2013
either step forward or just remains where I am now...
no answer from the Puchong owner, i roughly guess she is not going to sell me!
xxx
xxx
Mr Innocent is back :)
not back to Malaysia but he resumes his FB account... just found him last week... xoxo
bad day...
hi April... i knew i have encountered a bad day... last week i had a tiff with my hubs regarding that i didn't wake up early on the spot after he woke up me as well as the children and I didn't follow them go to pray my hubs's paternal grandparent.
even his 2nd sister also never helped out... such like to wake up me and the children... NEVER... they left us just like that until my son woke me up and i found that they left in within an hour!
they never gave sometimes for us to prepare.... especially the father-in-law, he always wanted to fast fast, leave fast fast, etc.. which really drove me NUTS in millions! they never waited for us even 10 min or half hour so?
i really upset with them and i still pretended with them....
really upset with them though!!!!
long sighs...
only my kids and I knew how to encounter this kind of situation which another people doesn't understand.
although his sister did treat us the lunch or dinner but that is not i want... this is kinda... i don't know how to explain but really ridiculous to me...
like when my hubby bullied or argued with me, his sisters will treat me nicely in order to make me feel easier and comfortable... but thats WRONG...
i don't feel happy either...
i really beh tahan with my hubs...
very childish!
very x1000000000 childish!!!!!!! which i really pissed off!
even i sought the opinions with my girlfriends as well as my sister, wanna go to pray parental grandparent or not also no problem, their partners never force them...
my hubs is other on the hand... he forced me to do whatever i don't like. if i don't go to pray with them, he keeps complaining, arguing and scolding me such like... i am married to him, must follows him etc... bla bla blaa....
don't you think he is ridiculous?
hello... this is a modern generation... no people would ask or force you except you are willing to go with them for Qing Ming right? i find my hubs and his father are really ridiculous!!!!
really...
anyway, i fed up with them!!!
xxx
even his 2nd sister also never helped out... such like to wake up me and the children... NEVER... they left us just like that until my son woke me up and i found that they left in within an hour!
they never gave sometimes for us to prepare.... especially the father-in-law, he always wanted to fast fast, leave fast fast, etc.. which really drove me NUTS in millions! they never waited for us even 10 min or half hour so?
i really upset with them and i still pretended with them....
really upset with them though!!!!
long sighs...
only my kids and I knew how to encounter this kind of situation which another people doesn't understand.
although his sister did treat us the lunch or dinner but that is not i want... this is kinda... i don't know how to explain but really ridiculous to me...
like when my hubby bullied or argued with me, his sisters will treat me nicely in order to make me feel easier and comfortable... but thats WRONG...
i don't feel happy either...
i really beh tahan with my hubs...
very childish!
very x1000000000 childish!!!!!!! which i really pissed off!
even i sought the opinions with my girlfriends as well as my sister, wanna go to pray parental grandparent or not also no problem, their partners never force them...
my hubs is other on the hand... he forced me to do whatever i don't like. if i don't go to pray with them, he keeps complaining, arguing and scolding me such like... i am married to him, must follows him etc... bla bla blaa....
don't you think he is ridiculous?
hello... this is a modern generation... no people would ask or force you except you are willing to go with them for Qing Ming right? i find my hubs and his father are really ridiculous!!!!
really...
anyway, i fed up with them!!!
xxx
opposite the thought!
i was having the lunch with the hubs earlier... at first was okay, afterward when i mentioned about my brother-in law (my sister's husband) birthday today... i was joking with him at Patio Cocoa cake shop next to vegetarian shop nearby my office. i told him in joking mode...
"i wanna buy a birthday cake for brother-in-law"
"i dunwan..."
"why? he has always treated us the lunch / dinner"
"my sisters always bought the clothes for our children. but u never appreciated."
"WHAT? i did appreciate whatever they did but that was past, and NOW?? did they? i didn't see since i had 2nd child until now... the last clothes that she bought for our daughter was 5 years ago...."
"my sisters always treat us the lunch / dinner but u never think wan repaying..."
i was speechless....
oh well, that certains not me, because they are his sisters... why should i pay? supposed to be him?
how ridiculous eh!!!
even my siblings always pay but never demand... so? my hubby never thought of paying them... even worse and more stingy toward my family compared to his family. of course everyone wants to treat own family better! but i just treat those who treats my family nicely and i am sure to treat back the same way!!!
right? but my hubs is other on the hand... very selfish!
i did thank for my family-in-law for everything. certainly! but i don't fancy at them though... *long story eh*
but i really absolutely hate the way my hubs treats my family like that!!!
i don't buy anything for her children because she doesn't buy anything for my children, even got also very rare!!! all goes for her own children!... only my hubby is blindly caring his family...
beh tahan!
xxx
"i wanna buy a birthday cake for brother-in-law"
"i dunwan..."
"why? he has always treated us the lunch / dinner"
"my sisters always bought the clothes for our children. but u never appreciated."
"WHAT? i did appreciate whatever they did but that was past, and NOW?? did they? i didn't see since i had 2nd child until now... the last clothes that she bought for our daughter was 5 years ago...."
"my sisters always treat us the lunch / dinner but u never think wan repaying..."
i was speechless....
oh well, that certains not me, because they are his sisters... why should i pay? supposed to be him?
how ridiculous eh!!!
even my siblings always pay but never demand... so? my hubby never thought of paying them... even worse and more stingy toward my family compared to his family. of course everyone wants to treat own family better! but i just treat those who treats my family nicely and i am sure to treat back the same way!!!
right? but my hubs is other on the hand... very selfish!
i did thank for my family-in-law for everything. certainly! but i don't fancy at them though... *long story eh*
but i really absolutely hate the way my hubs treats my family like that!!!
i don't buy anything for her children because she doesn't buy anything for my children, even got also very rare!!! all goes for her own children!... only my hubby is blindly caring his family...
beh tahan!
xxx
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